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Do I have a right to ask my boyfriend to remove certain girls off his facebook friends list?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2010)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Do I have a right to ask my boyfriend to remove certain girls off his facebook friends list?

A long time ago I broke up with him and he ended up sleeping with someone shortly after. He says it meant nothing and we've worked through this. I trust him completely and I know that he hasn't been in contact with her since then.

She's still on his facebook and it bothers me. He doesn't know that I know which girl she is...it's easy to figure it out, he's not that great at keeping a secret. He's also got two ex girlfriends on there but I don't care about those. It's just this one girl.

So do I have a right to ask him to delete her? Or would this be seen as too controlling?

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook

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A female reader, raiders United States +, writes (20 May 2010):

raiders agony auntI don't think you have the right to demand her of his friend's list, but I think you have a right to ask him to please take her off since she bothers you and she makes you feel uncomfortable.

Its his decision and you should not be mad if he doesn't but I feel that in a relationship communication is the key,and if you tell him how you feel thats all you can do, he can either acknowledge your thoughts and feelings or completely ignore them.

I now you are hearing to different points but please understand that the right to demand you really don't have, but as a girlfriend you do have the right to be heard and you have the right to tell your boyfriend what you feel and if there is a problem or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you should feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it. This is how people start having trouble in there relationship because of the lack of communication.

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A female reader, oliviaclairex United Kingdom +, writes (20 May 2010):

oliviaclairex agony auntWell i heard rumours about this girl with my boyfriend, and they were friends and i got angry and just said without thinking to delete her, then i felt bad but he is fine with it.

why don't you imply something about it makes you paranoid then maybe he'll delete her, or you could just ask him. if it's annoying/upsetting you i think you should ask him, :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010):

I think that if it bothers you its still going to be bothering you so just ask him to please delete her. he will understand because if he loves you he wont want anything bugging you. yea people say if you trust him it should bother you but i know where your coming from because im in the same situation. so yea what ever makes you feel better

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (20 May 2010):

Cerberus agony auntNo, you don't. If you trust him completely then I don't see the problem. I also don't see how two ex-girlfriends that did mean something to him don't bother you but a girl he merely had a fling with does.

This is your issue and if you make a big deal out of it, then he might just question whether you trust him or not. We all have lots of 'friends' on our facebook lists that we don't even talk to or have any contact with.

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (20 May 2010):

Cerberus agony auntNo, you don't. If you trust him completely then I don't see the problem. I also don't see how two ex-girlfriends that did mean something to him don't bother you but a girl he merely had a fling with does.

This is your issue and if you make a big deal out of it, then he might just question whether you trust him or not. We all have lots of 'friends' on our facebook lists that we don't even talk to or have any contact with.

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A male reader, RyanS United Kingdom +, writes (20 May 2010):

RyanS agony auntNo. If you can't trust you bf, then you should leave him. The other girl was willing to be with him when he was left by you. In a way, this is a good reminder for you to not take your relationship for granted.

Tell your bf: I trust you.

He will not like to lose it and that should take care of your concerns.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (20 May 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntIf it does not give you any peace, you have a right to tell him to remove that girl from the list.

After all , your peace is more important than having that girl on his FB list.I am sure , he will delete it because it affects your emotions and stability.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010):

I think it's OK to do this. I mean, if they're not in contact anymore, why even be "friends" on facebook? Are you "friends" with any guys you've slept with other than your boyfriend? To me, that's a little too close for comfort.

My boyfriend asked me to remove my ex from my friends list for similar reasons, and I did because I wanted to prove to him that my ex is history and I have no residual feelings for him. I asked him to do the same with two of his ex's best friends, and he did.

If this is really bothering you, confront him.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (20 May 2010):

You don't really. You did dump him at the time, and he used her as a rebound. If he cheated with her, then yes you would have the right. But he didn't do anything with while with you, and you were the one who split with him. It wasn't like he dumped you for her. I'm afraid you'll have to work through your insecurity.

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A female reader, kittykhaos United Kingdom +, writes (20 May 2010):

kittykhaos agony auntnon you don't have the right to ask him to delete anyone off there plus if he is going to do it again he doesn't need facebook. This just makes you look controlling and under confident and a lack of confidence is one of the least attractive features in a girl. get over it or if you don't trust him that much you shouldn't be with him.

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