A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a bit problem, and subsequent decision to make... two girls fighting for me and my affections. On one side i have my patner who i've been with for 3 years, i'm happy / content with her but id say not madly in love. the other side is a co- worker who i have always had a bit of a secret thing for but never said, however a month ago she told me (out of the blue) she felt a similar way towards me. so my problem is, do I end a 3 year relationship and take a gamble on someone i think i have stronger feelings for or stick with what i have ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2014): If you are serious about your girlfriend and you have a good established relationship with her, you'll have to ask yourself is it going to be worth the risk losing her to be with this other girl just cos you fancy this other girl. You are obviously flattered and it is an ego boost for you knowing you have two women who like you. You cannot have both in your life so you will have to decide. You'll hurt your girlfriend more if you split up with her then this other girl. But if you stay with your girlfriend, you'll have to contend with this girl at work. So, you can follow ya hard on, or ya hard work you have made together with ya relationship. Depends if you are selfish or not. Let me tell you, I am in the midst of a very similar situation, although my ex chose the girl and threw away our two and half years we were together he claims he loves us both. He chose her, but he can't let go of me still and whilst I will allow nothing to happen between us, I have said I do not want to be his just in case, I want to be his first priority he doesn't know what he wants and so I think I am going to have to painfully extract myself from this situation to find someone who knows what he wants, who will make me his first priority, who, with whatever temptations might be out there can look at me and say, wow I am the luckiest guy alive to be with such a great and special person with whom I love with all my heart, a guy who has integrity, who makes me feel I am the only one for him!!! Anything less, I'll be selling myself short. So think very carefully with the decision you make. The grass is not greener on the other side just different.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Given the way you talk about your girlfriend, you need to break up with her no matter what the outcome is with this new girl, because you staying with her now is just you USING her. You say you're content, but you're not "madly in love". She deserves someone who *is* madly in love with her, and if this isn't you, you need to end it, or you're just using her.
As for this new girl, you need to break up with your girlfriend before doing anything with her, or that makes you a cheater. You cannot "hedge your bets" when it comes to relationships, because keeping someone as a "fallback" is a load of crap.
Though, I see storm clouds on your horizon. Getting into it with a co-worker is dangerous for your career, and I think your ego and sense of boredom is guiding you now. I would predict that you'll break up with your girlfriend, pursue this new girl only to find out that having her isn't as fun as wanting her...and then you'll find out that this old girlfriend who you say you're not "madly in love" with becomes your everything because you no longer have her.
People tend to take for granted things, only to find out the grave mistake they made letting them go. If that's not you and this co-worker is the love of your life, then so be it. Just do not cheat or hedge. Go for it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 October 2014):
 I think if the relationship you are in was something you wanted to continue you wouldn't have cared as much about the co-workers "confession". I don't think ANYONE should settle for what they have, because it's familiar and convenient. THAT IS NOT FAIR on your GF. So end it with your GF if you feel unsure if she really is the one you want to be with long term.
With that said, I don't think jumping from one girl to the next is smart either. Take some time to be single.
Last but not least, did the co-worker know you have a GF? OF so.. she has some sketchy morals chasing after a "taken" guy is just low, in my book.
There is a lovely, but crude saying you need to take to heart...
SH!T or get off the pot. You can't flitter around at work with the co-worker in your little fantasy-haze if you want to stick with the GF. And you shouldn't stick with the GF because YOU are afraid you might end up with neither.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): You've said yourself, u're happy and contented with your relationship,Don't gamble it, its so unwise and selfish to quit a relationship of 3years because u feel u're attracted to someone else. You'll regret it later if you do. I believe you were madly inlove with your girlfriend in the first year of your relationship, and now you feel u're not madly in love with her? Think this through. And make a wise decision. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Well if you have respect for.your gf at the moment maybe tou should leave her as she deserves to be with someone that loves her and respects her
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