A
male
age
26-29,
*iddenOne
writes:I'm 16 and still at high school and I seem to have a big problem. I kinda accepted that I was attracted to guys a few years ago, (girls I'm fairly sure I like too) but I think I am crushing on (falling for) this guy at my school really bad.We were friends at first and then I started to feel attracted to him a few months ago, and just recently he broke up with his long time girlfriend. Since that happened I have been trying to drop hints and trying to tell if he is receiving (or sending!) any hints; but I haven't had much luck in doing so. The main reason why I'm confused is that it could all be read as friendly banter, even the joking about sex, attractions and other seemingly gay things with each other.Now at this point you probably think that its just a straight teen who likes to joke around, because I certainly thought so too. But one day I managed to get him to open up when I questioned his sexuality seriously ("Hey dude, you never confirmed nor denied that you were bi, come on you can tell me") he said, "I literally don't know."Now at this point I am really confused, I still really like him, as in a huge grin always tries to force its way onto my face when I see him - but I have no idea how to approach this. I have never told anyone that I was in anyway attracted to men (not in a serious fashion at least) for fear of social rejection, but this is the first time I have ever felt an attraction anything like this.He is coming over next weekend to hang out, how should I go about this? Do I confide in him my bi-sexuality? Do I reveal my attraction to him? Do I tell him I am crushing really badly? Do I try to push further for a definitive yes/no?Also, I don't want to lose a good friend or have him flip out and tell everyone at school, what would be the best thing to do keeping this in mind?
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male
reader, HiddenOne +, writes (25 June 2011):
HiddenOne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the advice, I think I'm going to tell him I'm bi and go from there - I'll try to provide an update after I do.
As for the girlfriend thing, apparently she wanted a 'break' and he kept on feeling like he was being pushed away and couldn't take it anymore; so he broke it off. He said they 'cleared' the problems between them and now they can hopefully go back to being friends
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 A big question for me would be: Why did he break up with his girlfriend?
Have you talked to him about that?
That would be my first step. Find out if his breakup from his gf was related somehow to sexual confusion, or if it was something else.
This is a slippery slope. Some guys are just really naive when it comes to trying to read signals from a gay-guy trying to hit on them. I had two buddies, one was bi-sexual, the other not, but the bi-one sent out all the signals (i certainly saw them!) and THOUGHT he had gotten return-signals from the other guy. They got into an elevator alone one night, and the bi guy tried to kiss my other friend. Turns out: He wasn't interested in guys in the slightest and had completely missed all the signs, and after that was absolutely terrified and wouldn't go near the bi-guy.
I think what i would do first is confide in him that you're bi. Tell him "we're good friends, right? well, i have something i feel i need to share for our friendship to move forward..." Don't mention anything about your attraction to HIM, just open it up so that the topic of your sexuality is something that is completely open for discussion among you, and see where it goes.
I wish you the best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Hii! I am a bi 16 year old to...i was in this exact situation aswell....when I told him he took me in his arms and told me it ddnt bother him.....ever since he has acted sioo weirdly....i then told him I was in love with him.....he hates me and then likes me and then hates me again.....i guess wat I am Tring to say is....tell him but take it easy with him and don't go to strong.....hope it goes well
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A
male
reader, crazybeast  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Wince he says he doesn't know you could say to him about your bisexuality and if he feels the attraction for you then obviously there would be a relationship.
I wish when I was confused my friend told me she was bisexual because it would have made me feel more compfortable about my homosexuality.
In these types of situations saying your bisexual could just be enough to hint your attraction to him, by saying to him that one your bi and two that you like him it could just be overkill and scare/shock him so I wouldn't bring that up yet. Saying your attraction comes naturally, I remember stressing for ages about telling a guy I liked him but then one day seemed right and I just said it.
He sounds bi curious at the least by the fact he isn't sure himself.
This could be the start of something wondeful but only is you make the first step.
Xx Beasty xX
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A
female
reader, Charl.bri +, writes (24 June 2011):
the boy who you are feeling attraction to maybe just as scared to 'come out' as you are, if you confided in him he may feel like he can also confide in you. if your good mates your sexuality will not change the friendship wheather he is bi or gay or straight. i think the best option would be to confide in him so that he knows you trust him and it may also help you become more comfterable within yourself, if he then confides in you (without pushing him for an answer) see where it leads! good luck xx
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