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Do I break up with my boyfriend?

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Question - (31 August 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2011)
A female Bahamas age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I'm extremely depressed. I told my boyfriend, and he sort of helps, says a few words of encouragement, but then if I dont pursue it, he will drop the topic.

He has no idea how truly miserable I am, crying myself to sleep, dark thoughts, etc etc. I feel tired and angry of leading this double life from him, but also deeply ashamed of my weakness/problem.

He doesnt ask how Im doing at all, unless I tell him about it. But he insists to me he cares about me a lot. I guess his lack of follow up really bothers me. Generally, even if someone is upset about a small thing, you follow up with how they feel the next day and so on.

Do I break up with him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011):

Female anon again...I meant to include this in my first post.

Men, as a group, are generally not known for being supportive and saying the right thing. So I don't recommend you rely too heavily on him. Women friends and family are usually better at that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011):

If you haven't tried anything else, then breaking up is a bit hasty and drastic.

Before you speak to him think about exactly what it is you want him to do. He's going to need to know that. Telling him you're depressed and asking him to be more supportive is rather vague. What specifically would you like him to do or say that would show he is supportive?

It could be that he's self absorbed and won't notice you're unhappy until you point it out or it could be that he respects privacy and does not want to press for details you may not be ready to share.

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A female reader, Claraw1 Australia +, writes (31 August 2011):

Claraw1 agony auntI am a person who has had depression and is getting better. It is hard not only for you but for your boyfriend. Be honest with him as to how your feeling, also I suggest getting some help of your own. read books or find a support group. I understand how hard depression is, but it is also hard on those around you. Sometimes it's hard to approach someone with depression as you never know what kind of reaction you could get, and generally when someone with depression looks like they are having a good day, people don't want to go asking something that might just ruin it for them. My suggestion is not to break up with him until you have had an open and honest talk with him, also look up some information on how to help people with depression and ask him to read it, it may help him. I can tell you from personal experience if he didn't really care about you, he would not be with you. In the end it's your decision though good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011):

If he truly did love you, then he would be there for you, helping you and supporting you! I faced severe depression about a year ago and nearly committed suicide because of it, but I didn't have anyone around to help me. I know the pain you feel, because I, like so many other people, have felt it too. He doesn't sound like he's making the issue any easier to deal with...maybe because he doesn't know how, or he could be indifferent...who knows? The important thing is that you seek help right away! Please talk to REAL friends, family, or call a suicide hotline (if you can't speak to a professional in person).

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A male reader, aebniala Canada +, writes (31 August 2011):

Depression is a ugly thing to manage, the first time and become easyer with time. Unless you have the experience, you have no clue as how a depress person feel and the time it last. You should get professionnal help first and get him in the process. They will give him pointers as how he can help.

I have been trought it more than once. your the only one that can change your state of mind and he can only, give you the support you need. You got yoursef into it, you can get youself out of it, with a little help of someone that as the knowledge.

You need rest, change of mind, a lots of walks, calness, change of paste, exercise, dancing, force yourself in a good mood, start by smiling, read about the subject. Be kind to yourself and others.

Breathe, once out, your can stop yourseld from going back into it.Have lots of fun, dont take life to seriusly.

:-) xoxoxo

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011):

I am writing this from a point of view from the person living with the person who has depression. It's very hard for a couple to deal with depression you need to openly talk about things, be honest with him, never hide your depression as he will begin to feel it's something to do with him. What i did was buy some books about dealing with depression. This one i recommend 'Living with a Black Dog - Matt Johnstone'. My bf has had depression for a while now but hes on medication and hes much better, i was so close to breaking up with him. Talk to him about what you need and then if he still doesnt help then you can at least say you tried all you could.

Good luck

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