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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Do I answer to this girl or not. We were family friends and became closer two years ago and at first she thought I was a player but as we got closer realized that I was far from it. I was trying to go from a "nice guy" to a jerk and she told me not to. We were friends for about a year. We started to actually go on dates and get closer to each other. I learned all about her problems(family issues, previous boyfriends) and after a few months of dating I kissed her. After this it started to go downhill. We talked about making ourselves more long term and she put it off saying "She wants something really long term and can't give that now". At this point I knew she had more of a history than I do(I've had one gf and am still a virgin). Before me she always dated guys who were thugs and what people call alpha males. The type of guy I want to be. It turns out she had told some of her friends(which she didnt know were closer to me than her) that she planned on keeping me as an option in the future when I will be making money as a doctor. This really infuriated me at the point of seriously slut shaming her in our community and making sure every guy sees her as good for sex only. I didn't do those things but I need to resolve this issue.I have ignored her for the last 5 months on social media and blocked her from everything. In the last month, she has started messaging me asking for forgiveness and how she wants to start over. I'm trying with every fibre of my being to not cater to her. I see her messages(it shows her that I've seen them) and ignore them. Every 2-3 days she sends another message. What do I do from this point? There's going to be a friend gathering where we both will be going and I don't know whether to explode and yell at her for what she's done or to ignore. Are all girls waiting for a life like this? I have to add that I'm not chubby or anything anymore I've actually gone to the gym and look nowhere near what a usual "nice guy" looks like.
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money, player, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nightwriter  +, writes (20 February 2015):
 Write her an email of explanation if you don't want to confront her.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 February 2015):
 Is this the OP who comes on here every so often under this same subject told with slight variations?
If so, ugh.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2015): Don't ever EVER get the notion in your head to "slut-shame" a female!!! Ever hear of a "defamation lawsuit!" You didn't do it, but it crossed your mind! NO...you do not have to speak to her ever again, if you don't want to!
Slut-shaming her all over the community? Seriously?!!
She does have male family-members, and ex-boyfriends who just might take-out some old-fashioned justice on your hide. They could levy the worst whup-ass on you that you'll ever experience. I strongly advise you never to even entertain such a thought again. The law forbids it! You could get into trouble, and you can forget about medical school! What she said was mean; but it didn't do you any real harm. It just pissed you off.
You said you blocked everything. SO IGNORE HER!!! You don't have to read anything she writes. You have complete control over what you see, hear, or read.
If you see her at the party, be a man. Smile, and move-on.
She realizes the error of her ways. She tried to apologize. Take the high road. Let her deal with her own conscience.
You want to be a big man? Then man-up! Accept the apology and politely ask her to leave you alone. Always do what the nice-guy side suggests you do. It pays off in the long-run.
You haven't finished even the first quarter of your life; so don't let small minds and mean-girls get to you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 February 2015):
 Whoa dude. You've turned into a first class creep. I remember all your prior posts and how many times you've been told that your thinking and approach needs to be changed through professional help and now you're talking about slut shaming some sorry girl because she didn't really want to date you?
Get a grip. Snap out of it. Your thinking is becoming more and more convoluted and your logic is for crap. Trying to become a jerk? You've succeeded beyond your wildest imagination.
Just ignore her. Rise above it. Move on. Be the one with integrity.
If I were you, I'd send one last note, "Hey Meghan, I know that you are asking for forgiveness and to start over. While I can appreciate the gesture, it's not going to work for me. I've moved on and I hope you can too. Please stop messaging me now, it's unwanted contact at this point. Good luck in the future." Then when you see her, just treat her like someone you used to know a bit but doesn't have any impact on your life.
Seriously, you are blowing this all out of proportion and your analysis and approach is skewed and will do you a disservice for the rest of your life, if this is how you intend to approach setbacks.
Make an appointment with a professional (you don't have time, you study all the time, your school doesn't provide it, you'll have to explain it to your parents, yadda yadda yadda, you've said all those things before and they are flat out excuses). Come on. Don't be that pigheaded that you can't see you haven't been able to resolve your underlying issue since high school!
Pro help, seriously, pro help. You need it.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (19 February 2015):
What do you want? Ask yourself that. Once you know exactly what it is, then do it.
Your questions is confusing. Do you or don't you want this girl? Does she want you? You're both young and have lots os time to have r/ships and friendships that will lead to something special.
Do you see that with this girl? My advice, take time out and away from her and all this. How you achieve that I don't know but do it! Clear your head and then you'll be able to make a decision.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 February 2015):
 BLOCK her number. It's really THAT easy, OR get a new number.
At the gathering if she starts being friendly - say hello and walk away, then you just ignore her the rest of the time, talk to other people, enjoy yourself. YOU do not owe her squat. BUT you will look like a buffoon if you start talking smack about her.
I just have to say.....
Are you proud of yourself?
Slut shaming? Wow.. how low can go go, bro?
If you found out that she decides to "string" you along for when you become a doctor? YOU call her on it or just block and ignore her. MOVE on.
You DO not slut shame (sorry that is petty behavior NOT alpha male behavior, see Alpha males DON'T have to be a total dick to be an Alpha. And THUGS doesn't = Alpha)
I guess you don't really know yourself, or aren't comfortable in your own skin, because pretending to be a jerk? Is not a good option I know there are guy who think that JERKS get all the girls, they don't.. They get the kind of girls with issues.
Good guys DO get good girls.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 February 2015):
What the hell are you trying to accomplish here?? You think your game playing and petty vindictive behavior will make you an "alpha" male? Seriously. If she's not into you, and you heard that she wants to use you, you drop her, block her emails, and then move on.
Slut shaming her (which, by the way, if you did that and I knew her, I'd tell her to sue the pants off of you for defamation of character to the point where she'd own your balls for the next 10 lifetimes), playing games with "should I ignore her or not", do normal people even do that? That's creepy as hell!
If some guy heard from a girl's friends, and by the way, people TALK to each other in the real world, then it would simply be OVER. Block, delete, end. Then don't think of her anymore. Your ego is all bruised and wounded, and if you're thinking about alpha males and wanting to be one, they don't waste the time you're wasting. They drop a girl and go out to find a better one. They wouldn't have wasted a millisecond on someone like that.
And you trying to play "jerk"? Why?? Why play games? It's not surprising that you're a virgin - you're socially awkward with women, yet trying to lie and say you're not!
Talk to someone professional, because there's more to this than you and girls. You need skills, and you have some dysfunction in there somewhere like a tangled ball of yarn which my untrained opinion says stems from you being traumatized as a kid or teenager. You need to deal with that instead of playing games with women.
You can't get a girl while you hate them and resent them! Do you get it? You need to resolve that before you can move forward! "nice guys" don't mean insecure, clingy, or chip on their shoulder. I married a "nice guy". He was himself! In fact, the guy was so "boy scout" that I felt guilty of possibly corrupting him, and I wasn't a player or anything! He had just never had a girlfriend or kissed anyone else.
You have to drop the act and be yourself, and if you aren't happy with yourself, that's why you need to talk to someone. Self-improvement is a good thing, but self-image and self-confidence is what you need, and you have neither.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 February 2015):
 You show some manly assertive courage AND you remain a gentleman when you do it.
If you are to become successful in your career you will do yourself no favours if you toy with or even (ever again) dare to think of such abusive concepts like slut shaming.
Sure you have blocked her.
Sure you have ignored her.
Sure you have nearly lost it with her, in exasperation.
She has far more problems than you would ever want to take on.
Instead you need to the polite ways of appearing to be courteous, but also give her no traction with you.
And assertively tell her No, and feel no guilt when you do so.
Tell her that have blocked her because you really are not interested in her.
If she phones, then politely tell her that you have nothing to say to her as you are not interested.
Then politely say goodbye and hang up.
Attach an answering machine message to screen all your calls.
If she sends to anything by post then don't open it and write ''return to sender'' on the envelope and repost it.
Continue to block her as and when she tries on line to connect.
If you are out socially then tell her, politely, to her face that you are not interested and move away. If she persists then do the broken record technique.
She will find someone else again - the who is not your concern.
By the way nice girls do go for nice guys.
Jerks end up as losers and often end up partner who are losers too
If her behaviour escalates into stalking ever then contact the police.
If you then need evidence you can use the messages she's left on your answering machine, the emails and the texts etc. All would represent good evidence for a court to hear,
.
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