A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. It was all fine until up to two weeks ago, where his grandma went to the hospital, and he received his marks back for one of his college courses (which he got like 60s when he was aiming for 90s). And then everything kind of changed--he wanted more time alone, wouldn't talk to me on the phone (before we talked on the phone for 1-2 hrs every night), and didn't really want to see me. Before his txt msgs are sweet and he would use nicknames for me too. But nowadays his texts are cold and he talks to me like a frd. I asked him what's wrong and he says he just needs to focus more on school and family and that I'm becoming a distraction. I confronted him the day after, and he initiated a breakup. He said he realized that he has been placing me as top priority and he doesn't want to anymore, because of his family and his falling grades. So he broke up with me. The day after he wanted to get back with me, so we're back together now. But he's STILL cold and distant to me! I'll always have to be the one initating txts and calling him. And for the past few days we haven't been talking on phone because he claims he's been too tired or out with his friends and so he couldn't talk. I was just shocked at how he could do a 180 degree thing and become all cold and withdrawn from me. I asked him what was wrong last thursday and he said that after the break up, he realized how much he LOVES me. But at the same time he feels as though his feelings for me is fading, and it has been fading for the past couple of months (it certainly didn't seem like it for me, though--he was still warm and affectionate). He says he's been struggling with being cold and having the loving side towards me, and he feels safer to just stick with the cold side. And, okay, my fault, i wouldn't listen to him (like hanging out with other guy friends, one on one), and he said that disappointed him and he would always worry about me--who im with, where i am, etc. And he says whenever he asks me to not, i don't listen, so he's given up. He also says that he changed a lot for me and he did a lot for me, but he's really tired of that (but honestly when I suggested him to do something, I thought it was better for him, and i didn't see it as him doing something for ME). So now he says that he wants to focus on his school and family. We're still together, and we're going to give each other two months to work on it and then the one month break to see if we really want each other afterwards. If not, we're doing a clean break..and if so...he says he wanted to be engaged with me. Speaking of the whole engagement thing, he kept insisting on the fact that he wants to marry me, and at least be engaged with me. But for the next day he'll be like..let's have a break up and just be friends. So now I don't kno what to do...for the past couple of days he hasn't been calling me and doesnt want to see me as often..just a day/wk.Whats wrong with him? HELP!
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 This guy is playing with your head and your emotions.One minute he wants you the next he doesn't.I dont care if his grandma went into hospital,i dont care if his grades were crap...that wasn't your fault.He is giving out any excuses he can muster so that he can keep you at arm's length when it suits him.You, need to walk away...stop all contact...let him play his mind games with some other poor mug...your worth more then that.His half baked bullshit is not working no more.
I know you are emotionally involved with him, but what is he offering you? Is he making you happy? No he isn't, and life is too short for flaky boyfriends.You deserve better.Dump him...and let him know what it feels like to not have you in his life anymore.
A
male
reader, loverinneed  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 i feel you. i dont havve much acsperience with men but they can be evil. not to sound joking but look up scott disik to see wat an ass he is hes the worst person ive ever heard of. Its totaly normal for men to change their attitude- testosterone. Some guys dont even have good moments. I remember when i was a kid my dad was the sweetest guy but one time when he and my mom heree talking i said hey and my dad screamed "STUT UPPPP!" he never even let me say hate its is abnormal for a man to not have thos moments but if he starts to agressive end it. before it gets worse like 20 ppl a year or so die from abusive relationships.
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