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Do girls like sweetheart guys?

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Question - (1 October 2011) 11 Answers - (Newest, 3 October 2011)
A male United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Do girls like sweetheart guys? I'm still single and I feel like I can't harm anyone, I would drive my girlfriend home from school or work etc. I would pay for meals, when shes cold I would warm her with a nice hug and might even offer her my jacket. I love my family more than anything in the world. Every time when I like a girl she doesn't like me back, sometimes she doesn't even like me as a friend. I'm very dependable, very nice, loyal, sweet, very smart. I have over a hundred friends on Facebook. I just don't understand why a girl doesn't like me yet. (I've been waiting over one or two years)

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A male reader, serenity80 United Kingdom +, writes (3 October 2011):

You say you are "dependable, very nice, loyal, sweet, very smart."

This is good, but a pet dog is all those things too.

If you want to be more attractive to women, you need to calm down on the emotions and sensitivity. You need to show your masculine side, and not just be feminine.

If you added "exciting, funny, strong, confident, self-assured" in to your list, you would seem much more attractive. Work on being a stronger man, it will make you seem less weak and sensitive. As well as making you be more attractive to women, it will also improve how you feel about yourself.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (3 October 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt There's a fine line between being nice and trying to hard.

People senses when you are nice AND self confident, you do nice things because you feel like doing them, and because that's the way you are. They also sense when you do nice things because you are eager to impress- and deep down you feel that if you are not always extra nice nobody would give you the time of the day, because you are not worthy being liked and loved the way you are ,warts and all.

To summarize, making an effort is good , too much effort, is off putting.

As in everything in life, the most important ( and difficult ) is to strike a balance. A good guy, yes. A goofy tail-wagging puppy, no.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (3 October 2011):

angelDlite agony auntyou may be trying too hard and that can put girls off. show them you are a man, not a puppy. i think you sound an absolute darling but i am 39 and have had my share of horror-bags now so i would appreciate stuff like this but to be honest, at 16 i probably wouldn't have and i would have thought you were too soft! just be yourself, don't be available all the time, don't be a door mat for them to wipe their feet on.

it would be lovely to be able to be nice, loving, helpful to people and for them to treat you the same way, but although i hate to say this - unfortunately there is some truth in the old saying 'treat em mean, keep em keen' - wait till you know the girls better and you know that they won't take advantage of your lovely nature before you lavish all your love and attention on them

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011):

You say you've been waiting for a girl...don't wait. Girls aren't usually the ones to make this first move. Build up your confidence, and go talk to one. Go for a nice girl, one that will give you a chance and not immediately toss you aside.

Another thing, being funny is EVERYTHING. You can be the most unattractive person in the whole world, but if you're funny, you will look like a model. Its the one thing every girl looks for. They want a guy that can make them laugh.

However, even if your hilarious, you still need to look nice. Dress nicely, work out, shower every day, and make sure your hair looks good.

Now, the one thing no one realizes is that girls don't want a pushover. They want a nice guy with an edge. A lot of nice guys come off as a pushover. Try to be more manly and have that edge.

Hope this helps!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011):

You bring to mind a young man who came to our house for our daughter's 16th birthday.

He stood out among her peers...dressed [for success] in polos and khakis, polite, well mannered, talked about his family, and was respectful of adults and peers alike ... he liked our daughter and we would have loved it if she were interested.

But, she wasn't.

It pained me to learn later that he was sometimes singled out at parties and pranked on. But, he was above all that, kept his poise and his composure never waivered.

We lived in a small town at the time with one high school of about 500 students, so I was able to see how his life turned out. He didn't have a girlfriend in high school, but he finished college with honors, is well employed, and met a really nice girl. They are married now and recently had a baby.

The point I'm making is you are a diamond in a sea of rocks and I predict someday you will be in a rewarding relationship all women envy. For now, focus on your academics and future goals. The rest will fall into place.

Finally, you are blessed to have a family who cares a great deal about you, so talk to your parents about this and give them the opportunity to share their experience and wisdom.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011):

A lot of girls would probably think you were "too nice", but I'm sure that one day you'll meet someone equally lovely who will appreciate you for the way you are. Please don't just go for the first girl who comes along, as you deserve to be with someone special. Give it time, you're still so young.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011):

I guess being a girl and knowing how girls your age think.. Personally, I like nice guys who have an edge. Don't be nice ALL the time. For instance, if you're at a table and the girl you like walks up, don't offer your seat right away. Tell her she has to sit on your lap, etc.

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A male reader, Advice_man United States +, writes (2 October 2011):

Advice_man agony auntMy friend, you are still young and you have a lot to learn about life and women. Let's start with a small briefing:

You say “I've been waiting over one or two years”. Girls can smell this from miles away and they think “What kind of a guy sits around all day and all he has on his mind is how to get some girl?” and they are right. Try to focus on you, improve yourself, exercise, find a hobby, try to get into the university, put some goals in your life etc. In other words become a person that YOU will be proud of regardless of whether girls will like you or not.

You say “I'm very dependable, very nice, loyal, sweet, very smart” and “I would pay for meals, when shes cold I would warm her with a nice hug and might even offer her my jacket”. Keep this attitude and girls will “eat” you like a snack, disrespect you and show no interest. Always maintain your dignity and self respect! Be nice yes, but only to those who deserve it. You will not “offer your jacket” to a girl who shows bad attitude. And “don’t pay for meals” unless she is someone that deserves it, someone who likes you back and will appreciate that meal. I hope you get my point. I can write pages and pages but the rest is up to you to find out over the years to come. Best wishes my friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011):

Umm, this makes you one of the very few good guys left on this earth. Girls probably just think that you have other motives. Keep doing what you are doing and they will come to their senses soon!!

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (2 October 2011):

Odds agony auntI'm going to go ahead and shamelessly promote my own article here:

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html

That should get you going.

One further thing, though: commitment is like sex. What would you think of a girl who offered to have sex the minute she met you? Would you think of her as girlfriend material? Commitment is the same way. Be selective, and don't be afraid to show it. Take the time to decide if each particular girl you meet is worth your time and effort before you offer anything.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States + , writes (2 October 2011):

No offense, but it's probably your eagerness that scares them away. When meeting a nice girl, don't immediately shower her with attention and affection. Make her earn it.

Just have a good time and don't hang out with her with the idea of something more in the back of your head. Simply hang out. And when you had fun, do it again. See if something develops, then make your move. Just don't do it too soon.

Look at it this way: what's the value when the girl doesn't have to put in any effort (like showing you she's interested). It's the same reason why spoiled children don't appreciate new gifts and affection because they're used to it.

Also, if you're too eager and a girl is still in the phase of figuring out how she feels about you, she will always take the easy way out instead of taking a risk. That's how it goes most of the time.

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