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Do any other girls out there withold sex from their partners when they have done something wrong?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2010) 50 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2010)
A female Australia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Please Help .... I have a problem . When my boyfriend does something wrong , like out late with his mates , or comes home intoxicated , I without Sex for a period of time . I tell him the set penalty time and he signs a form ..eg : 1 week , 1 month etc , dependent on what he has done wrong . During these periods , he also is not allowed to masturbate , this way I can judge by the semen when his penalty period is up .

During these periods I tend the dress more provocatively , even at work , the guys seem to flock to me , Its as if they know . But Im asking ..Does anyone else do this ? or is it just really weird ? My b/f gets really mad during these time and Its like his penis wont go soft ..But I really like that too ?

Is all this fair ? Or is it too hard for a Man ? And what about the fact that I love to dress more sexy in this time ? In both Bed and the Office ? Any other girls do this ?

View related questions: at work, period, semen

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntHad to quote this again..

"But all of them fall under the heading of "Femdom" or "Domination". You're not equal partners. He's the slave, the submissive, to you....... But you BOTH have to be fine with it. If this is just you punishing him because he's not sticking up for himself... if this is hurting his self esteem or making him feel unloved, if you're just relying on his codependence to make sure he doesn't leave you when you break his heart... then you're a cruel and inhuman person"

This is the problem.. what your doing is erotic as long as your partner likes it and finds it fun. You say he hates it, and therefore it's not fun, that makes you wicked.

Please talk to your partner about this punishment and your sex habits... see if he is happy and if he is not, you must find a more equal way in this relationship. If he is unhappy then soon he will leave and you will have to find another submissive man.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (17 February 2010):

Illithid agony auntAlright, here's my serious, no joking answer. No insult intended, just what it sounds like to me.

Look up the term Orgasm Control. You're not only denying sex, you're telling him that he can't even climax in privacy at all, like you own his body entirely to use or ignore at your discretion.

Look up the term Tease and Denial. You're intentionally acting sexier, dressing more provocatively, and getting him riled up, keeping him hard, only to leave him hanging and refusing to give him release.

Now look up the term Cuckoldry. You're not only leaving him whimpering and untouched, you're flirting with other men, giving them erections and leading your man to believe they have more of a chance with you than he does.

All three of these things ARE real fetishes. Women DO enjoy things like these. Some men like these things being done to them. But all of them fall under the heading of "Femdom" or "Domination". You're not equal partners. He's the slave, the submissive, to you. You're the Mistress. If he likes that, if that works for you two, then that's perfectly fine and more power to you. Whatever makes you two happy is perfectly fine. If you're into monogamy, threesomes, polyamory, domination, sadomasochism, or abstinence, that's fine.

But you BOTH have to be fine with it. If this is just you punishing him because he's not sticking up for himself... if this is hurting his self esteem or making him feel unloved, if you're just relying on his codependence to make sure he doesn't leave you when you break his heart... then you're a cruel and inhuman person. But if he's in on this, enjoys it, gets a thrill out of this and you've BOTH agreed this adds a little spice, then by all means carry on and enjoy.

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (17 February 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntDear original post writer,

Here is my last and final words for you.

You do not choose to say me thanks. All right, you do not grasp the meaning, because you are totally negative with your material, and with your boy friend.

I take your material as totally creative, but it has conditioned. You should take your own material as positive. You both should agreed on condition. You should allow your friend to enter in your mind, and let him know, that you enjoy this specific period. You enjoy his stone hard erection, and felt great in mind and in body sexually. And, in return, you both should agree to share erotic pleasure together. .

From my side you got totally new perspective, which is beyond your expectation, and beyond anybody's calculation. The thing you impose on your boyfriend as punishment for something doing wrong. The same thing, the same ruling, the same punishing clauses { which is applicable in case of ejaculation occurred as punishment.] is practice to achieve highest erotic pleasure. I agree on all your saying, that you can check the quality of semen, yes it is not with sensual eyes, or naked eyes, but with mind's eyes such checking is possible.

Without knowing your own doing, what you are doing is 'EROTICISM'

If you want to check my saying, or wish to find out support about my saying, then write this word 'eroticism' in Google search engine...and read the web pages about 'eroticism. You will get confirmation, what you got in reply to your question, or to your topic.

Eroticism is practiced since ancient time, in Greek, in Rome, in India and variously termed as SPIRITUAL PRACTICE.

THIS IS ALL FROM MY SIDE. AND IS NOW OVER.

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A female reader, veronika Australia +, writes (17 February 2010):

veronika agony auntI don't understand why you keep on making excuses for your behaviour. If you don't think what you're doing is strange, then why are you on here asking for advice?

I'm not defending the people who were a little "too personal" in their comments, but you have to ask yourself why you asked the question in the first place if all you're going to do is get annoyed with people for having a different perspective. You asked for it, so don't get annoyed with everyone.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (17 February 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntAll I can advise this poster is that she'd best hang on to this guy, I doubt if anybody else would put up with this kind of "training". It's so nice when two whack jobs are able to find each other.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

you want to be taken serious? You received 45 serious answers which is far more than most people get...you shared intimate details and then asked if you were weird. So its to unfair to complain that we're getting too personal when we address that. You dont want to be taken serious, and you arent upset that we are too personal...you want validation and to be told you are 'normal' and everyone does this. Sorry but the answer is the same. Yes, you are weird. No, other women do not do this..yes, im being honest. Mal

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntTrouble, KC, me and some of the others did agree that delaying sex could be fun... but this strange woman came back and said, no her partner is not happy, he dosen't like it and this makes her feel more sexy and hot.

Even our tantric guy tried to understand, but he says she needs to change her actions away from punishment and think of sex a different way.

This woman is just too strange.

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A female reader, kelsey18 United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2010):

kelsey18 agony auntYour not being a complete bitch,just maybe taking it a bit too far, you set penalty times where he is also not aloud to masturbate? Oh dear to be honest your lucky hes still around! i don't know many men that would EVER put up with this. I like to tease but i give it up eventually its part of our sexual games it makes things more exciting. i wear provocative things and make my boyfriend sweat a little before we do anything- and i would consider this normal. Sometimes if he does something wrong like say something that might hurt my feelings i will be put off sex and not in the mood. But i don't purposely withold it from him for little things like coming home late? what the hell-Your being to hard on him and a bit of a control feak! and this whole penalty time thing is rediculous. sorry,this is just my opnion but i fink if you carry on the way you are with him, then hes gona leave you, i'm suprised he hasnt already! x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

Right kc. This is just another case of what I see here all too often. A person comes onto DC asking a question and seeming to want help. Then in their follow-ups it becomes obvious that they are only looking for confirmation that their behavior is correct and that anyone would do what they do or feel what they feel. If they get confirmation that they are correct and normal then they are happy, but if most answers tell then that they have a problem and try to give advice then they try to defend their position as being completely correct and normal and that all the answers must be wrong. That is the case here. The OP does not want to change her behavior at all. She only wants someone to tell her that it is normal. I get the feeling that if 50 tell her it is abnormal and one says that they do the same thing that she will leave DC happy that she is in the majority.

As to this particular question - I have seen cases where a woman will hold sex because she has been hurt by something said or done. My wife would do that, not as a planned punishment, but because she just didn't feel very loving. Then after 2 to 4 days, we would talk and she would get over it and want sex again and everything was fine. As I said in one of my answers, I believe that is normal female behavior. Us guys get over an argument in 15 minutes, at least as far as sex goes, but women need the emotional attachment to want sex most of the time. Fine, I understand that.

I have never even read about a case of withholding sex that is this extreme. Not in the length of time withheld, but in the way it is done.

"During these periods , he also is not allowed to masturbate , this way I can judge by the semen when his penalty period is up ."

"During these periods I tend the dress more provocatively , even at work , the guys seem to flock to me , Its as if they know ."

"I tell him the set penalty time and he signs a form."

This begins to sound like a comedy movie and not real life. It's no wonder than many think this is not a real question. It is difficult to believe that anyone actually behaves like this and that someone would actually take this type of controlling behavior without leaving for good.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2010):

k_c100 agony auntIt doesnt seem like you want an outcome to be honest - you defend your behaviour in all of your follow-ups "I dont think Im doing such a strange thing", Its just the way I address potential problems ..and it works".....so what do you want us to say?

If you think your behaviour is normal and your relationship is healthy then there is nothing anyone can say on here to help you - according to you everything is great in your relationship so what sort of outcome do you want?

I am assuming you just want some women to come forward and tell you that they do this too, and then that will make you feel justified in your behaviour so you can continue to act like this. So many people come onto this site purely wanting others to verify their feelings/actions, and then just get upset and defensive when it turns out that no-one agrees with them.

So either you are happy with the way you behave and want to continue with this, or you want our help to change what you are doing and to try and improve your relationship. But I'm sorry, no-one in their right mind is going to agree with you and condone your behaviour. If you are seeking approval from others then perhaps you are best visiting a forum dedicated to women who enjoying punishing their partners and flirting with other men.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Appreciate the input ..however some of the comments are getting a little personal . Please take the question seriously , as thats what it is ..working towards an outcome ..... Thankyou all ..

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A female reader, _Katy_Did_ United States +, writes (17 February 2010):

_Katy_Did_ agony auntYou're not training a dog...He's a human being and it's not fair for you to give him "penalties" whenever he does something wrong. In my opinion, it's sick. I think it's fine to not want to have sex with him because he's pissed you off...And it certainly isn't your obligation to have sex with him just because he wants to either. But you make this "with-holding" into a little game. A lot of people here are saying that if he was a real man he wouldn't stand for this. But it has nothing to do with being a "real man". It's about being a human being. The penalty could be anything. Punishment is a punishment. It doesn't matter what form it takes. What you're doing is weird and controlling. Especially since you record it like it's some kind of scientific experiment...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010):

within the last two hours...yes i bet you would be safe to say...ive missed you eyes.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (16 February 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntNobody bother traveling to Texas, the answer to q's last question is always "2 hours ago"...no matter what.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010):

this cannot be a real post. and you are insane if you think you can tell the difference in his semem. totally certifiably insane. you are 20 years younger than i am and i promise you that i have seen seen my share of semen. ive seen it when there were multiple acts in one day and when there had been none for 6 weeks. to the naked humn eye there iss absolutley no difference. you cannot tell when a man has masturbated. if you are a troll, then so be it, and if you are not, then you are the most ignorant woman i have had the misfortune to come across in a long time. this is not funny or creative "punishment." this is ignorance gone to seed. i dont believe he is going with out either. if he is and if he stays with you he deserves what he gets. mal

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010):

Yes q, she is actually a troll, or they have access to the internet at the mental institution.

Yes, this would be a technique that would work to control somebody. Abusing a dog or a child is also a technique to make it/him/her fear you so much that they will never do anything useful in their life for fear of retribution.

If this is a real question then I have to advise the OP to never have children, as I predict that they will end up in prison and have their children taken away for child abuse.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well , I do think you all have over reacted a little , Its not quite as big a deal as that . And look in reality he may only get 2 penalties a year , when he does the wrong thing he knows what will happen , he wont be having SEX for a long time .

With regards to the semen , yes of course Its not exact science , but I will know by the amount over the period any sex has been witheld ..and I know pretty accurately .

He certainly wouldn't risk masturbation , for I would add another 2 weeks to the penalty time . Anyhow , thankyou for your input .

But I can assure you I am completely sane and under control . Its just the way I address potential problems ..and it works . I would feel like he was just using me , if he just wanted to bang away , after doing something wrong .

There have been no penalties in the last 7 months .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

"Please Help .... I have a problem ."

Yes, you sure do need help. Have you thought about seeing a good psychiatrist for your problem?

"But Im asking ..Does anyone else do this ? or is it just really weird ?"

It's beyond weird. My wife just said that there is not even a word for it.

"Im still certain that many women do this , they are just not owning - up"

Nope, sorry. You're at the top of the nut cases.

It is natural to withhold sex when someone is hurt by their partner saying or doing something hurtful, but that is because they are not in the mood and not because they are intentionally giving out punishment for some minor offense.

And then there is your dressing provocatively at work during this punishment period to seek attention from men at work. I would classify that as slutty behavior. You're trying to hurt your bf even more and then leading guys at work on. What a pile of crap. You are not worth anyone who cares about you with behavior like that. Anyone who stays with you for more than a few weeks either has a serious confidence problem or is a masochist. If he had a brain, he would leave you in a second. Any guy with a spine at all would get rid of you like a bottle of smallpox.

I do tend to think that this is someone taking us for a ride, as I doubt that any guy would be stupid enough to stay with someone like this. If he did then he is likely getting nookie on the side and all his buddies are laughing at the stories he tells.

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (15 February 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntMY THIS COMMENT, MEANT EXCLUSIVELY FOR ORIGINAL POSTER, IN RELATION TO HER THIS SAYING,...'one time he had to go six weeks and I felt great during that time . Im still sure men could tell , my nipples were a little harder ..my body just felt really sexy .

He had a " hard on " all the time , and at one point started begging...

Let us put aside your boy friend time being, and totally focus on your mind and body...what you call punishment, is turn out a 'ABSTINENCE' from sex,...but, you also feel intense sex desire, and feel great DELIGHT, in seeing his hardest penis...in turn you see your own mind all being vibrant, and cause you to wear sexy dressing, in bed and in office also...right? why? because you experience sex desire as LIGHT... DELIGHT...You felt your nipple hard...yes same causes produces same result...if you had permitted to have little foreplay during this abstinence time... making sure to not have ejaculation...as a condition....you would be fortunate to see your ENLARGED BREAST, VERY WELL TURNED IN TO ROUND SHAPE...and, HIS PENIS,...IN TO BIGGER AND THICK SHAPE...Your total life would be turned in to new DIVINE LIFE.....

What is lesson for you here to grasp?....rename your punishment administration....MAKE IT A ...' ADMINISTRATION OF ENLIGHTENING LIFE''....following the course of these ABSTINENCE...right? If you now grasp the meaning...then simply say me thanks....I will enjoy my rating...sink down to seventy degree below....punished by all other aunty and uncles of this site...for favoring your ADMINSTRATION,...

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (15 February 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntHere is some great saying from uncle and aunt of this site, including original poster...I am recording this here with my comment on it.

[1]This is from "MIAMINE","Dear Poster, I don't think it's good for you to use sex as a weapon and a punishment, but off course abstaining from sex is a brilliant technique for extending sexual pleasure."....really really really...you have grasp the inner meaning of my comment...congratulation for such brilliant grasp.,...Your this observation is really greate, is all for to note, 'Too often, we think that penetration is the most important part of sex. People forget what it's like to be heated up without any relief. They forget about teasing and denial, cuddling, hugging and flirting, until the moment when the passion all gets released. They forget totally about the innocent joys of teenage passion when "making out" was as hot as it comes" .

still, your greatest observation from your life is this,"hsahahaha.. yep... Totally immense orgasms happen like this, then you feel the world shake, the earth move and you explode into the universe. I may not understand properly Tantric Bharat Mehta, but I've learned enough from it to appreciate delay to increase pleasure and intimacy, as well of the joys of endless orgasm's without male ejaculation.....sure sure, sure....You understand the tantric ideas about tantric sex pleasure, and your grasp is absolutely...your expression is accurate....

Now I am saying in symbolic language, what you describe in some poetic tone, like earth shaking orgasm etc......

SEE...SEX DESIRE IS FIRE. GREATER THE FIRE, GREATER the LIGHT. [ READ LIGHT AS PLESURE]...

LESS FIRE, MEANS MORE SMOKE AND LITTLE OR NO LIGHT...

Yes sex should be used to have more fire and more light...it is not asceticism, not exactly 'abstinence,but careful cultivation of fire and light.

Thanks again for, but congratulation for showing good depth on the subject.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (15 February 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntMany girls consciously or subconsciously use sex as a reward or punishment. If they don't do their bidding's, they will withhold sex.

Who wants to have sex when they are feeling angry/hurt/confused/rejected?

Some of them have been conditioned that way in their society.It is about power and control in the relationship.

This is a misuse of sex.It is not funny and can be considered cruel or abusive and manipulative.

It can lead to greater problems like affairs ,resentments, revenge or divorce.

Not every men reacts the same way like your b/f. He could be cheating on you without your knowledge.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

It seems to me that you are not doing this to punish your bf but doing it because you get your kicks out of having control over your bf. Have you read Lysistrata? The women in that withold sex in order to get their men to stop going to war. However, it is a comedy. It is not meant to be taken seriously. I think you are enjoying this control aspect too much to be honest and I wouldn't be surprised if your boyf gets sick of it. Having said that, if he knows your "system" then he can chose to abide by it or not, he's not a child. So, although you say he hates it I imagine he gets a certain amount of pleasure out of it or he would walk. I'm sure he masturbates anyway as your semen checking thing is complete nonsense as you will know if you have a basic knowledge of male biology (do you? I am guessing not but you haven't addressed this in your replies).

I think you are a bit over controlling; you shouldn't use sex as a way of control really; a bit of BDSM in the bedroom is normal but it seems like you get serious pleasure out of this game which goes beyond this, especially as you have mentioned the office.

I think your bf will probably get bored of it soon and leave; either that or he enjoys it too, and I imagine you only get your kicks out of seeing him NOT enjoy it, in which case you might not be so interested in witholding in the first place.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

*who* behave

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

I really hope there are not many women how behave as you do.

It is no way to treat someone you love and care about.

A woman not feeling like it during pregnancy or even not feeling like it at any time is not the same as what you are doing. You don't punish a man with sex that is just no way to behave.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntA male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

" You are one of 2 things:

1- A serious poster, and then I do not blame you, but you need professional help,and you need it badly.

2- You are a troll, and then you need to be doing something more productive instead."

I vote for Troll meself..

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntmmm.... I was wrong... your boyfriend isn't having a good time and he's not enjoying himself...

A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010)

"I've dated girls that did this. But I haven't dated any of them for very long."

Nope, don't know many women who enjoy hurting a man and making him suffer so she can feel good about herself.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Lol ..lol , Im not really sure what you two are quite talking about ..

But I can tell you one thing , my b/f certainly doesn't LIKE it , he HATES it when he is on penalty . But I think its important , that he learns ..if he makes a problem , he will recieve a BIG problem , one time he had to go six weeks and I felt great during that time . Im still sure men could tell , my nipples were a little harder ..my body just felt really sexy .

He had a " hard on " all the time , and at one point started begging and pleading for Sex . Anyhow , I consider that its my pussy and I will decide when a penis goes in it , I hold the power ..and I just use it a little bit .

Anyhow , some women dont feel like Sex during Pregnancy , Guys have to up with that . I just make sure that he does the right thing or suffers for it .

Im still certain that many women do this , they are just not owning - up .

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntStuff that... punish him all you like honeypie.. I'm sure he enjoys it.. hahahahaha.. :)

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntBharat Mehta thank you very much, the aunts and uncles were starting to make me feel bad about my sexual habits. I was starting to wonder if only me and this young women were the only freaks.

Dear Poster, I don't think it's good for you to use sex as a weapon and a punishment, but off course abstaining from sex is a brilliant technique for extending sexual pleasure.

Too often, we think that penetration is the most important part of sex. People forget what it's like to be heated up without any relief. They forget about teasing and denial, cuddling, hugging and flirting, until the moment when the passion all gets released. They forget totally about the innocent joys of teenage passion when "making out" was as hot as it comes...

hsahahaha.. yep... Totally immense orgasms happen like this, then you feel the world shake, the earth move and you explode into the universe. I may not understand properly Tantric Bharat Mehta, but I've learned enough from it to appreciate delay to increase pleasure and intimacy, as well of the joys of endless orgasm's without male ejaculation.

Poster, if your guy enjoys it, then have fun.. But don't use it as a weapon, and try to introduce this delayed arousal at times when you are not angry with him.

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (15 February 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntHere I am again going to elaborate your saying...

[1]" I will admit that first sex session back is very intense

[2]"But I do enjoy the withholding period also , because I feel so naughty and horney myself , Im sure Males sense It"

I enjoy my rating go down below to seventy percentage, as a penalty for favoring your post. As no one is here to see the beauty of 'dram' you presented here, I am quoting your own statement, that indicate sufficiently, that you enjoy your first session with intensity, and that you and even your boy friend enjoy withholding periods.

The dram you create within your love-sex relationship is greatae, no matter it involve some negative word like 'punishment for wrong'. Even with negative attitude, you are following some 'principle', quite positively, even without knowing that principle. It is really principle of love and sex. And your admission that what you felt is enjoyable.

However, your one guessing is wrong, that 'male' will sense your mental state which you called 'horney', It is impossible, no one will take your dram as beauty, save I am the only one who can realize the point of beauty.

Truth remain truth, if the details of this posts is like a fictional creation, and characters of story are also fictional, then under the circumstances, anyone who follow the essence of this story, will achieve the same result, here the writer has described, 'HORNEY'...just feeling intense sex pleasure or drive. Male sex organ never take soft position... all time hard, which create mind, quite able to enjoy totally different form of 'SEX PLEASURE', never before experienced. This is the beauty of dram, I realized and appreciate.

I am not taking that meaning about your boy friend, who even sign your prescribed form, and that he is too submissive. Sure, your boy friend also enjoy the beauty of sex pleasure, created under the condition, possibly without conscious knowledge of principle, that regulate and direct 'sex pleasure' on higher peak.

I am not interested in analyzing your administration of punishment. I am intensely interested to the beauty, the poetry, created under the condition, no matter it came out from administration of PUNISHMENT. You can translate your administration differently, keeping the meaning of principle, And, decide some period as 'NO EATING PERIOD' to show your love for 'GOD'...quite in religious temperament, even though the meaning of principle, that direct the form of sex pleasure will came out as a result.

What is important achievement here, is the 'unity' of idea and action...The principle of action say, that action follow ideas. Or, form follow function.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I dont think Im doing such a strange thing , I know there are others who must withhold , and Its only when hes done the wrong thing that I give him penalties , but he only gets the penalty he deserves . Plus " yes " I will admit that first sex session back is very intense .

Im like anyone else , I want it everyday ..but Im aware my b/fs libido is even higher , I think guys think about it all the time .

But I do enjoy the witholding period also , because I feel so naughty and horney myself , Im sure Males sense It .

Thankyou for your answers ...Any other girls with hold ?

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A male reader, Griffo Australia +, writes (14 February 2010):

Griffo agony auntWell done thats a great sex game! builds up anticipation and when you do go to the bed its really good right?

Everyone does this in a sence (of punishment). men and women, lovers, have been punishing each other for thousands of years weather its simply igoring the others sexual gestures, you know like "im not in the mood" line or "im too tired" to making agreements, and even using whips and chains. i'd say your in the upper middle of the spectrum.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (14 February 2010):

DoubleM agony auntImmature and silly.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

yeah, huge wrong on your part. most men will tell you to piss off, I would. sex isn't a weapon or a reward, kinda makes me think you see it as a commodity rather than an expression of feelings, lust, and love. That kind of a problem is a very serious issue that I think youll need to seek help with. This behavior will not warrent anything positive, for both of yours' sake, just be normal.

oh and by the way, after a certain point (1-3 weeks) men will unknowingly get rid on excess semen. Urination, leakage during arousal, or more commonly a sexually explicit dream. So monitoring a semen level is pointless, after a week or so, you won't see a noticable difference in amount ejaculated.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

lmfao youre insane... i can understand withholding sex because you have been seriously hurt by him and can't trust him, but you seem to do this more as a manipulative thing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

this is just bizarre. i agree with most of the others...k_c100, marieclaire, and gridrebel,veronika, strontiumdog, baddogbj, jmtmj, and the various anons. this is not mature or wise thinking, and its cruel. futhermore checking the semen? oh brother....you are very naive and mis-informed on that one...just saying... mal

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (14 February 2010):

bharat mehta agony aunt__WONDERFUL !!! All too interesting? All heaven!!!!--------

Your post caught all my attention, and now I choose your specific statement for elaboration.

[1]"his way I can judge by the semen when his penalty period is up"

[2]'My b/f gets really mad during these time and Its like his penis wont go soft ..But I really like that too ?"

[3]"Is all this fair ? Or is it too hard for a Man ? And what about the fact that I love to dress more sexy in this time ? In both Bed and the Office ? Any other girls do this ?"

I judge with my own confidence, you must be enjoying this like heaven, no one would even think it as pleasing. You go that far to check his semen after certain period, show your intellectual development, that find the point for observation also....nice, congratulation.

You also observe the harness of his penis...you are only one person I found in this site, who total observation is all scientific and philosophic also.

You doubted about your boy friend, whether is he enjoying? I am sure he also will enjoy,...with, with such intensity, that is beyond any words to describe...No female on earth is yet born to take away your boy-friend from you, is my guarantee.

Everything about your such sex play is great...but expand this penalty for some good work also...and wanted to know some more thing?...just started to learn TANTRA VISION. You are very near and close with this science, quite unknowingly, but I advice you to do all these thing with knowledge and realization

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (14 February 2010):

bharat mehta agony aunt__WONDERFUL !!! All too interesting? All heaven!!!!--------

Your post caught all my attention, and now I choose your specific statement for elaboration.

[1]"his way I can judge by the semen when his penalty period is up"

[2]'My b/f gets really mad during these time and Its like his penis wont go soft ..But I really like that too ?"

[3]"Is all this fair ? Or is it too hard for a Man ? And what about the fact that I love to dress more sexy in this time ? In both Bed and the Office ? Any other girls do this ?"

I judge with my own confidence, you must be enjoying this like heaven, no one would even think it as pleasing. You go that far to check his semen after certain period, show your intellectual development, that find the point for observation also....nice, congratulation.

You also observe the harness of his penis...you are only one person I found in this site, who total observation is all scientific and philosophic also.

You doubted about your boy friend, whether is he enjoying? I am sure he also will enjoy,...with, with such intensity, that is beyond any words to describe...No female on earth is yet born to take away your boy-friend from you, is my guarantee.

Everything about your such sex play is great...but expand this penalty for some good work also...and wanted to know some more thing?...just started to learn TANTRA VISION. You are very near and close with this science, quite unknowingly, but I advice you to do all these thing with knowledge and realization

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (14 February 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntWow, thats just the sickest thing I've ever heard. I hope your boyfriend grows a spine and gets out of this. Get help.

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A male reader, baddogbj China +, writes (14 February 2010):

baddogbj agony auntYou do indeed have a problem. I can't imagine why any man with a choice would stay with you unless he's submissive.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

Well, ya. But at the same time it's kind of kinky. Might make the sex really good when the time comes. But it will backfire in the end probably.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

You are one of 2 things:

1- A serious poster, and then I do not blame you, but you need professional help,and you need it badly.

2- You are a troll, and then you need to be doing something more productive instead.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

I can understand withholding sex if mad or sad - with those emtions no one is gonna be in the mood for any kind of kinky business but using it as a punishment, that seems harsh. You seem to like to be in control but think about it - what if he turned the tables, what if he wouldn't give you any for 3 months because you did something he did not agree with, would that be fair to you and would you accept it? I doubt it. Treat him how you would like to be treated, he is your partner, your equal, not your lapdog or naughty child etc.

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A female reader, veronika Australia +, writes (14 February 2010):

veronika agony auntDon't use sex as a weapon. In my opinion, it's immature and fuels resentment. If you have an issue with him, you need to partake in some good old fashioned communication - lack of sex shouldn't be used as a punishment. In fact, the whole idea of "punishing" a partner in a relationship because they've done something wrong is not ideal because it makes you seem like their mother or father. They shouldn't be treated like a naughty child who needs to be punished.

I'm not saying you should ignore bad behaviour from your partner. If they make you feel bad or they hurt you in any way, speaking up and telling them honestly how you feel is a much better way of dealing with it, and that way you can both discuss it. If they respond in a rude way or try and bully you and make you feel worse, then perhaps it's time or some counseling or it's time to walk.

To answer your actual question, yeah, some other people probably do this. But I find it weird and silly.

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A female reader, Gridrebel United States +, writes (14 February 2010):

Gridrebel agony auntThis is the epitimy of scorekeeping. You obviously have designated yourself as Judge and Jury. Probably a good thing you found a man with no balls to push around. A real man would tell you to take a hike.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

I think this is really odd, and cruel; it sounds like a fetish really, along the lines of sadomasochism. Having said that, it strikes me as being so weird that your boyfriend must enjoy it or he would not put up with it. On the other hand, how on earth would you know if he is masturbating ot not? Do you actually think he takes any notice of this? Simply inspecting his semen is not going to tell you if he has been masturbating or not, that seems like a very naive thing to say and indicates to me that you don't know much about basic anatomy and the process of reproduction.

Your boyfriend is an adult and can easily walk out if he wants. I don't think he take this as seriously as you do as otherwise I think he would have walked ages ago.Either that or he shares your fetish. Are you sure he is not getting his action elsewhere when you decide to withhold it? It strikes me that it could be the case. But if you guys are both into sadomasochism then you make a good couple.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010):

I've dated girls that did this.

But I haven't dated any of them for very long.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (13 February 2010):

k_c100 agony auntI actually cannot believe this question, and I cannot believe (if this is not a fake question) that your boyfriend is still with you!

You make him sign a form? And inspect his semen? This is just all a bit crazy I'm sorry to say! I hope he withholds sex from you each time you piss him off!

As a female I would never withold sex from my boyfriend, I think you will struggle to find many other women in happy relationships that would do this! sex is not a weapon, and your boyfriend is not a child that can be controlled and punished when you are not happy.

You clearly just love to tease - you enjoy leading other men on and enjoy watching your boyfriend suffer. So in answer to your question, yes this is very very very weird and you are going the right way about it if you want to lose your boyfriend!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010):

Ouch, its seems you are being too harsh on your man by withholding sex for a period of time because he stayed out late. He is not a child to be dealt with. He can't masterbate as well? No one should tell anyone what they can and cannot do with their body. If your boyfriend is putting up with this then you are very lucky, most men would find sex elsewhere. Best of luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010):

tbh your acting like a bitch. sex shouldnt be used as a weapon. this is going to back fire on you badly when he goes looking else where for sex. STOP IT,

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