A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I guy I have been seeing for the past month and I have been dating. We havent gone very far and I heard that he kissed another girl on a night he got drunk. A few days ago I asked him what we were, and he said he hadn't thought about it. Two days ago I asked him if he had thought about it and basically we covered a few things:- Both of us aren't seeing anyone else, and he told me without me having to ask that he kissed someone else that he doesn't remember because he was drunk- I don't want to go further physically without being in a proper relationship. Even though he said he did want to go further, he respected my wishes and didn't try to push me any further- He asked me whether the reason I didn't want to go further was because I didn't want to get taken advantage of, and I told him he was rightHe said that at the moment (and for the next few weeks) he probably should't have a girlfriend due to college commitments (exams are coming up amongst other things) and he wouldn't be able to see me that much. I said that was understandable as I am busy too. He then asked me what I wanted to do about it, and I asked him what he thought, and he suggested that we could just keep seeing each other until 'something happened' e.g. he could ask me out properlyMy question is, do you think he is playing me? My friend who barely knows him thinks he is but I don't see why he would go to so much effort for me if he knows I won't budge on the boundaries I have set.
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female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (22 September 2012):
 He is playing you. He's not made an effort he doesn't even care. All he wants from you is sex. He wants you to keep seeing each other so you'll feel you're in a relationship so he can get what he wants from you and not have the strings of attachment.
He kissed someone else said he wants to go further with you you asked him what you were he didn't answer then he says he's got college commitments and probably shouldn't get into a relationship.
He just seems like all he wants is sexual fun.
I think you should move on try and find someone else worth your time and effort
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (22 September 2012):
 What effort? What has he done or not done that required so much effort?
I don't think he is maliciously trying to hurt you, but I do believe he is testing the waters and laying the foundation for a sex only arrangement.
He's made it clear that he isn't looking for a relationship. Fair enough. But then he goes on to suggest you two continue seeing each other until 'something happens'. That 'something' is deliberately vague. You're assuming it means ask you out.
If he was sure he was going to ask you out in the near future, then why not do it now? If he already knows he wants you to be his girlfriend, why wait?
In order to avoid these pitfalls in the future I think you have to re-evaluate your expectations of men. I think you assume that all men only care about boobs, beer and football and that any act of decency or patience on their part is contrary to their nature and a huge burden to them.
There are so many men out there, great men, decent men, that you really don't have to lower your standards or compromise who you are and what you want in order to land one.
When it coms to dating you must be somewhate selfish and insensitive. I don't mean be callous and focus on yourself to the exclusion of everyone else. I do mean stop worrying so much about hurting their feelings. You must be strict and firm in the beginning and when that man has earned a place in your life, you negotiate some allowances. They will not be devastated by hearing the word 'no'. They've undoubtedly pursued other women and been declined before. They can handle rejection better than you think.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 September 2012):
 I'm 100% with CaringGuy on this.
He IS playing you. Hoping to string you along long enough for you to change your mind and have sex with him.. Until then he will do his thing, while you "assume" he is busy with school work.
If he was REALLY interested you wouldn't come second.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 September 2012):
I'm 100% with CaringGuy on this.
He IS playing you. Hoping to string you along long enough for you to change your mind and have sex with him.. Until then he will do his thing, while you "assume" he is busy with school work.
If he was REALLY interested you wouldn't come second.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Yes. He's doing a great job of the "slow play" scheme, wherein the guy dawdles about his interest in a girl until SHE brings up the issue of "where (we) are...".... and then he knows that he has sufficient interest, from her, that he can start wielding his magic...
Tread lightly......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): This is a little tricky... Dating someone isn't always convenient, we all have busy life's that tend to get busier as we grow older. Work commitments extend family, friend time, me time, it's all whoop together . So I guess what I'm trying to say is, yes you and he are busy, but there nothing dictating that you'd cannot date at the minute.. I think your friend is trying to say that she scared that he relegating you to being just friend and that you may become hurt. If he can see you a little i don't know what the issue is, otherthan if he feels that by upping it to a dating level, he will not be able to concentrate on his exams. I don't think he playing you, but I do think you need to be careful. Give him the month and after his exams make a light and airy remark like, we'll we're both free now sooo... And let him end the sentence. You must keep to your boundaries regarding sex.. And I guess see what happensDon't be to hard on your friend, she just looking out for you .
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2012):
Yes, he's completely playing you. The reason that he's keeping you around is because you're clearly a nice girl, and he's hoping that maybe it'll suddenly change. Either that, or he likes the familiarity.
But, please wake up. He did kiss that other girl - the drunk excuse is a classic.
And, yes, you're so important to him that he said 'I shouldn't have a girlfriend because of my commitments"
Listen to your friend.
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