A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance (together 4 years), called me by his ex girlfriends name during sex (twice in one sentence) when he was drunk after his bachelor party. I dont know how to deal with it. This ex caused a lot of rubbish at the start of our relationship (he was still not over her). Anyway he got really upset and apologised and swears im the only one he loves.how do i handle this? Do just forgive and forget?
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drunk, ex girlfriend, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 He is making a huge commitment to you getting married, do you trust him? I would be upset as well if it was me. It sounds like he may have been thinking about old times. Does not mean that he wants to be back with her, but sounds like he was having a think down memory lane. This is a hard one because when he got with you he was not over her, which is never a great start to a relationship. Only you can act on how you feel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): Hi, I think you should judge him on his actions and not on his words. Sometimes we have strange dreams that are at odds with what we feel is true in reality. Being drunk is similar I suppose. If he is loving, attentive and caring towards you and you feel his apology is genuine then let this one off incident slide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): I would be livid, and can see reasons for why he has said it but it wouldn't make it easier. It was his bachelor party, so he has obviously spent the evening drinking and going a bit mad with friends. On his mind will be how he is making a commitment to you, but probably running through his mind are the ones he has loved and lost before meeting you.Only you know if you can forgive him, and only you know if he really got over his ex or whether she has been on his mind more than he let's on. You will have to think hard and consider whether you have any other reason to believe he is harbouring secret feelings for her or whether this simply was a one off slip and you can move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): Hi thanks for your response. No they are not still in contact and he blocked her from social media well over a year ago. He's being very sweet since and says he cannot remember but he's so very sorry it was so wrong of him. Of course its never happened before so once off...
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (27 September 2016):
 I personally think if it was a one off, it was in one sentence and he was drunk, it's not worth making a big deal out of. Are the two of them still in contact? Other than this particular event-do you trust him? I think you have to ask him to be extra gentle to you because you're hurt and your confidence was bruised, want help healing and knowing it was a mistake. Asking him to be more emotionally supportive should be easy if he cares as deeply and is as regretful as he says.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): When we're drunk we are often less inhibited and can speak our mind more easily. This tells you he still has sexual feelings for his ex. He wasn't so drunk he was incapable of sex with you. Do you suspect him of still seeing her or that their relationship has started up again? He was only upset because his feelings have been exposed. The apology is irrelevant.
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