A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated a Married Man (MM) for a year and a half. We both worked at my dad’s office. He got caught by his wife 3 times but never left me. The 3rd time he got caught things got pretty bad. He started going to counseling and distanced himself from me. Eventually things got worse and we were no longer able to work together. His wife threatened me once and before things got worse I came clean with my dad and he got fired and I had to leave the company. The day we got fired was the last day I ever saw or heard of him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him or something doesn’t remind me of him. I miss him and I loved him. He’s still married. But do you guys think he still thinks of me? Is it possible he got over me really fast? I mean after all we dated a year and a half.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 December 2017):
 You don't believe in therapy just because you've had a creepy therapist hit on you? Do you not believe in school because people get bullied? Do you not believe in work because there can be sexual harassment? Do you not believe in hospitals because some people die? OP, don't be silly. Find a different therapist.
You're pitying yourself with the "maybe this is my karma - not being able to get over it". Yes, feeling crappy *is* your karma, but you *can* get over him if you try. "I have tried" you'll say, but you haven't kept trying. You'll dismiss therapy, you won't help yourself and you allow yourself to think about him. How are you going to move on if you don't try hard enough to?
Change your train of thought whenever you think of him. Find a female therapist. Start a new hobby. Volunteer at a charity where it's hands on (not just in a shop). Do those things and you will move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank all for your advice and harsh words. While many of you suggested therapy or counseling. I honestly do not believe in that sort of thing. Tried it before and the counselor ended up hitting on me on two different occasions. That being said yes he is the worst of the worst. But to me he was my first and haven’t been with another man since so that is why I find it hard. In fact I don’t open easily to men anymore or trust them. I was just missing him these past few days and wanted to know your perspective. He clearly is still married. Wether they are happily married or not I cannot know. I am just curious to know whether he might remember me as I d fondly do. Life goes on and I am aware that what I did was wrong. And this may be Karma for me. Not being able to get over it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (21 December 2017):
 We've tried to gently let you down. We've tried to scold you. There is only one thing left to do to break you out of this self destructive behavior. The Cold Truth about Cheaters.
This MM is the worst of the bad. He doesn't care about ANY women. Take a look at how he treated his wife. He started a workplace romance. He carried on with this affair for over a year making it a long term affair. At least 2 timed he stood and swore to his wife that it was over, but in less than a week he was back in our bed. Nothing he says is the truth. The fact of the matter is that he is addicted to thrill seeking. Goodness, he started an affair with the bosses Daughter! Who does that?
He has not stopped seeking thrills. You just aren't thrilling enough any more. You told your dad, and faced the music. His wife knows about you, your Dad knows about you, there is no fun hide and cheat to play any more. The odds are that he has found some one or even more than one someone who is more thrilling than you. Yes, you are yesterdays paper. Old news.
You are nothing more to him than the next pill is to a drug user. You just can't give him that high any more. You Need to snap out of your funk and get over this loser. He has certainly gotten over you.
You need to get into some therapy. You have been run over by a speeding truck called sexual addiction. You can't take a day of bed rest and be healed, you need the emergency room.
Therapy first.
Then a real relationship.
This is the path to peace, there is no return to the MM on this path.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 December 2017):
If you're still not over him after a year, you need to find a therapist, OP. He was married and never yours to date. I know you miss him, but you need a reality check and stop wasting your life away thinking about him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt’s been a year since this happened and I have been single and stayed far from relationships. Things with my dad are fine. He forgave me and only fired me to protect me. Firing him and not me could’ve gotten him to do something against the company or me. That way he got tricked into thinking my dad was truly “mad” at me. For my family our rule has always been to support each other no matter how bad we mess up or hurt each other. I was just wondering cause he was my first and I innocently dived into the “relationship” and often find myself thinking of him. I miss him. But I am aware that nothing good could come out of it. xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 December 2017):
 Does it matter? In the long run?
He obviously wants nothing to do with you. He probably blames YOU for his "getting fired" and "marital drama" even though he was as much in charge of making really piss-poor life choices as you were.
Except, at some point he decided to NOT live in the past, to "take out" the trash and move forward with life. Maybe (and I can only hope) he LEARNED from making the stupid choice of having an affair.
You, on the other hand. Don't seem to have learned anything. You are still caught up in your little fantasy that this MM was someone super special and what you two had was so true and amazing. when in reality it almost wrecked a marriage - without doubt SCARRED his wife for life, created drama in the work-place and forced your father to have to FIRE both you and him. But all YOU can think about is... well, does he still think of me!?
Can you say SELFISH? IGNORANT? UNCARING? IRRESPONSIBLE?
Because THAT is what I get from your post. You DGAF about how YOUR actions affected other people, even your Dad!
And no, OP you never dated him. A married person can't "DATE" - you simply messed around with a married man.
I think you should go find yourself a good therapist who hopefully can help you to start thinking like a grown adult, not a spoiled child. This self-indulgence is destructive. Look at your life. Is this really the path you want to go down?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (19 December 2017):
 Men are much better at compartmentalising their life than are women. I dare say he thinks of you occasionally but I have to assume he has been with his wife a lot longer than he was with you. He chose to cut you out of his life and to go to counselling to save his marriage, and that is how it should be. (Ideally he would not have had anything to do with you or any other woman who was not his wife, but this is the best outcome after what did happen.)
Put yourself in his wife's shoes for just a minute and try to imagine how much pain that poor woman feels. Then try to empathize with that pain and learn a lesson: leave married men WELL alone. They invariably choose to stay with the wife.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (19 December 2017):
He chose her over you 3 times. He has finally cut you off completely. The odds are that even if his wife wises up and divorces the cheating slime ball, he won't come back to you. So my answer to your question is two fold. Yes he has intentionally forgotten you. And if he is still thinking about you, he is not going to act on it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (19 December 2017):
You didn't date. He didn't love you. You betrayed your father's trust.
You need to do some growing up and re-evaluate your priorities.
Be single for 6 months, heal from this guy and make it up to your father. Then date SINGLE men only.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 December 2017):
 Wow. Just wow. If after all of this happened, THIS was the outcome you came to, wondering about whether or not the married man still loves you and pining after him, then you have some SERIOUS growing up to do.
Let's cut to the chase. You're thinking about the WRONG MAN here. The person you wronged more than anyone in the world is your father, and quite frankly, you treated him like dirt.
Your dad chose you to be in his business, meaning he risked his livelihood in order to give YOU a livelihood. He trusted that you would be professional and decent, and would put your career ahead of soap opera histrionics.
Instead, you put your dad in the crosshairs of this married man's wife, who threatened your father's business in a lawsuit which could have destroyed everything he worked for because you're his daughter. That is outrageous!
Your father fired you and this guy in order to save his business. How's that going to look on your resume?? And you still want to be around the guy who put your dad through this horrendous amount of stress, and you don't care about how your dad feels in all of this??
You need to stop being self-centered and look at how your actions are affecting others. You put your dad at risk of financial ruin because of this married guy. You had multiple chances to call it off, yet you wouldn't. You didn't think whether or not he had children who would be devastated by this whole thing, and you certainly didn't think about your dad, and if your mom is married to your dad still, you put HER at risk as well.
This should have been the MOTHER of ALL WAKE-UP calls for you. Get your head out of the sand and see it for what it is before you really screw up your life!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (19 December 2017):
 You are thinking of yourself and your loss. It is time to move into your new future. Falling in love can be difficult to avoid even when you know it is wrong. Well, he has made his choice. Now you need to go and find someone who can be truly yours.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 December 2017):
 Yeah, but after all he was married with his wife since , probably, way more than a year and half !
And his final choice, to work on his marriage and stay with his wife, says it all about his priorities.
Reason for which I think you should not torment yourself with this idle questions, which are impossible to answer for anybody but the MM.
Who knows, OP. Maybe you have been just a fun, sexy passtime and when the shit hit the fan, he got rid even of the thought of you with a sigh of relief. OTH, maybe he cared about you, he developped real feelings, and he still misses you and thinks of you, at times. Even so, that would be irrelevant- because his choice, at the end of the day, was to dispose of you and keep the wife, so , that he has done that with much regret , some regret, or no regret at all, does not change the status quo, which is: he is gone, and in the process has costed you a heartbrek your job !, and , perhaps, your standing in the eyes of your father. Be thankful that he is gone without causing even further damage.
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