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Did the guy I like have a one night stand or not?

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Question - (24 January 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 25 January 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *nonyous writes:

hi. I like my flatmate at uni and recently, through a stupid mistake, he has found out that i like him. So now he nows how i feel. However, since he found out he has not backed off at instead of starting to keep a slight distance, as would be expected, we have sort of gotten closer, even though he knows that i like him. Basically, i need some advice. Yesterday, he brought a girl back with him to the flat. She was one of his friends from Belgium, as he is also originally from there too. This is quite normal as he has done this lots of times before (bringng friends over to spend the night with him in the flat) and all of them have been girls. Basically, I don't know what he does with these friends...i don't know if he sleeps with them or just hangs out as clean friends, but because i've never known, i've never let it bother me and have just assumed that they are only good friends. However, the girl that he brought back yesterday, I am pretty sure that he slept with as when he came back he went straight into his room with her and switched some music on. Then, this morning, by chance, both me and him, and the girl, came out of our rooms at the same time as we had lectures at the same time. This was really uncomfrtable for me so I just left without saying anything, as they were both together and she had all her bags. However, they caught up and we all ended up in the same lift down. I was silent. He looked at me and asked what lectures i had and i answered, but that was it. Then, we continued to walk in the direction of the lecture theatre. However, he crossed over with the girl because she was leaving and that is where train station is. I walked on ahead, but i after i turned the corner, i looked back to see and i saw them making out goodbye. then she left. I don't know what this is. Is this a one night stand or something serious? He knows that i like him so could it be possible that he was over exagerrating it because i was there???? Help because i don't know what to do...

View related questions: flatmate, one night stand

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A female reader, anonyous United Kingdom +, writes (25 January 2008):

anonyous is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey. basically, my other flatmate asked him if she was his girlfriend and he said 'sort of, but no becaue she lives in basically no - does this make him available or not?

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A male reader, SamuraiRick United States +, writes (25 January 2008):

SamuraiRick agony auntI believe they did have sex with each other. But I wouldn't call it a one night stand. They are perhaps friends from long ago, and it’s very likely they had sex previously. Is it love?...who knows. If it were serious he would have said so, but has not. It had to be an awkward position for him because he also seems to like you, but he obviously couldn't say that in front of her, and was entertaining her as she had expected in their past. Maybe he still has feelings for her...but also consider that it may have only been sex, and nothing more, between friends with needs.

If any serious relationship starts between you and him, then he should discard this relationship. But since that hasnt happened yet, their friendship least for sex.

I would take this slowly and never mention her if you have a budding relationship. Only if you do get serious should you expect him to respect you and not see her again. It did hurt to see this happening, but it could have happened with any guy you were just getting to know...only thing is you saw it with your own eyes. If he had to do it over again I'm sure he wouldn’t want you to know about it. He probably thinks it may have ruined things for you and his conscience can’t be good with him either.

So like I said take this slow and don’t let what happened there bother you. You are very likely the next woman in his life, and she was the last...or at least someone who he can say goodbye to while he says hello to you.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (25 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIf a male and female were to spend a night together, what would you think they will be doing.Just talking or doing what you think they are doing. They could talk outside and if she goes into his room,there would be something more..That is just my inference.

If he is on one night stands, he won't be interested in commitments or long term relationships.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008):

Well, here's my first bit of advice: clingy is a turnoff.

Frankly, just take a deep breath and realize that you have no claim on him whatsoever. Nothing has concretely happened between to you to change the status of "flatmate". Just because you two are closer, it doesn't mean that he likes you, and just because he might like you, it doesn't mean that you'll end up together.

This girl might be his girlfriend. You could ask, but will that make things more awkward? If she's his girlfriend, he may love her, he may not want to hurt her by seeing if you two would work.

I might run the risk of sounding like someone who has never truly loved here (even though I have, and I do), but in this case, right now, don't make it awkward. Being friends and close but not lovers is still, in this case, better than awkward. Put him first, if you really love him, and see where friendship takes you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008):

He sounds like a womaniser to me. I could be wrong of course.

If he is exaggerating because you are there, that is game-playing. Do you want someone like that?

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A female reader, United Kingdom +, writes (25 January 2008): agony auntHave you tried talking to him about how you feel?

Maybe he is being nice to you because he feels guilty he does not feel the same, and is compensating by being friendly.

It is possible that he just does not feel the same, the best thing you can do is have a more active social life, put him to the back of your mind, and maybe bring someone home yourself.

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