A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This guy I been talk to for years I broke of with him he never would ask me out it's been over 3yrs and never ask me he always come up with excuse not go out with me I see him about veryday when he goes by me and I he see me stand their when he goes by each day besides the weekend so I wrote him a letter and send it to me I told him how i really feel do you thank he come back or was it a mistake to write him tell him how i feel i didnt really what to lose him i am scare he nevet come back to me and now scence i send that lettet he look the other are trun his head keep from face me i dont what do i use never ask him whats me to stop call him but he said yes but not in that words he just lie to me tell his wife was getting mad but that not true be cause hes not marry i know for years he wasnt marry i never told him i know he wasnt marry i always let it go but i told him in the lettet I know he was not marry and now i am scare I lose him for good please help me I don't what to do thank you very much Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Sweetie have you not realized in the three years that he is not romantically interested in you? He has lied about a wife because he wants to let you down gently. He is ignoring you now because he saw you as a friend, but he knows now that you are looking for more so he is avoiding you.
A
female
reader, SHANTELLAH  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 holding on someone who is not capable of returning your love will bring nothing but heartache....this one is an obvious situation my dear'ove is nolonger served,he is nolonger interested. i think he s finding it so hard to let you know that.forget about him i know its hard but its worth it...you will find and meet someone who will return your feelings....there are many fish in the sea....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 October 2016):
 Yeah, he's not interested, and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings about it, which is why he lied about being married.
One thing to keep in mind - you don't EVER want to get to a point where a guy tells you to "Stop calling him". You don't want to say "You haven't told me to stop calling you". No guy has ever sparked interest by a question like that. Usually, the response is either to come out and say "stop calling" or to avoid you even more.
You said that after you sent the letter, he's avoiding you more and turning his head when you see him? It's time to take the hint. Stop pursuing him. No more letters. No more waiting for him. No more asking him out. No more calling him. Take the hint and stop contacting him in any form whatsoever.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (18 October 2016):
 You can't lost something you never had.
This man is probably just afraid to tell you to leave him alone, so he tries to do it in "kind" ways - e.g. pretending he is married.
Leave him alone. Find someone who is interested. This is not the man for you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 October 2016):
 If he is telling you he has a wife and 'you know' he's not married, that's his way of letting you down gently.
He's not interested.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 October 2016):
 It's not the letter which will have changed one way or another the fact that, alas, this man is not interested in dating you. I think he had already shown that abundantly by giving you 3 years of excuses for not going out with you.
Maybe he does have a wife somewhere,.. or maybe, more probably, he invented one to reject you less harshly and to spare your feelings.
Anyway, if he brought up a jealous wife , whether she's a real or imaginary wife, that clearly says that he does not want you around and does not want you pursuing him.
Stop banging your head against a brick wall.
The world is full of men. If you insist going after the one who does not want you, you waste precious time and chances to meet other ones who may be looking just for someone like you...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 October 2016):
 He never asked you out. After years of "talking."
I don't think sending him the letter was a mistake. I think you were being brave and trying to get an answer.
Sadly, the answer is that he doesn't like you the way you like him.
If you don't accept the answer that he's given you, which is that he's not really that interested in going out with you, then you will be wasting more time. You've asked him, very bravely, and you have your answer now. Be happy and give thanks and take him off your list of people who will be important in your life.
He is now part of your past. You'll be fine if you can deal with that!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 October 2016):
 I agree with Wise, you can't lose what you never had. Only the fantasy of what YOU think could have been or what you WANTED it to be.
Your age is set to being in the 40's - so for me... writing a letter seems just off. Something a pre-teen would do, not a GROWN woman.
You say you KNOW he isn't married, how can you be so sure? Who knows his wife might not live in the country and IF he used a wife as an excuse to NOT be with you or talk to you, THAT is him trying to be nice in his way of saying I'M NOT interested.
I'm sorry, you need to face reality and let this fantasy go.
Get out and met people who WANT to be around you, talk to you and spend time with you. This guy isn't it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): You cannot lose what you never had. He simply passes by you daily maybe politely chatted with you. You have no reason to assume this man is interested in you. The proof is in the fact he has never asked you out.
There is nothing you can do, but accept the fact the man is not interested in going out with you. He is trying to spare your feelings, but you are a bit stubborn and persistent.
He is avoiding you, and you won't take a hint. Just because you reveal your feelings to someone you like, does not mean they must like you back.
I hope you will now give-up and leave him alone. I sense you are very lonely, and I hope you find someone who does want to be with you.
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