A
female
age
30-35,
*abewithbrains12
writes:Ok,im 16 and ive always had this thing for older men...like a lil fantasy and i always end up infatuated with any older man between the ages of like 25/38 ish who is reasonably attractive, they usually are my teachers which is worse. Sooo i had this massive crush on my 36 year old guitar teacher(who has a girlfriend so even though we spent alot of time flirting i only hoped that something would happen). He kissed me one lesson, i think bhe was just overcome with lust or whatever and didn’t really think about what he was doing because afterwards he texted me saying he was sorry and we should not take this any further...i rung him up and persuaded him to take it further, which i shouldn’t have done i think that was wrong of me but i really really fancied him. He told me it would be nothing more than sex, and i felt that i wanted that...although when it came to us having sex, he said he didn’t feel like he could cheat on his girlfriend so it would only be a one off. I thought he would be put off by knowing i was a virgin but he didn’t mind, and i we slept togeth, i thought that if i couldn’t have him on a long term thing, at least i could have him that one time. Im not going to lessons with him anymore, even though we both agreed at first that it would be ok as long as we were sensible about it. Anyway, this guy meant so much to me and im going to really miss him,, i keep thinking that he is a decebt guy but that he just got carried away with lust, which does happen and although he probably shouldn’t have done it, neither should i and we are both to blame. But everyone else seems to think that he used me, and that it was really unresepcting myself to let myself be used by that but i didn’t see it like that. I feel like he was my perfect guy, even before we fancied eachother we got on really well, i have not elt like this before, or liked another guy so much...i don’t know how im supposed to feel like, because he was such a nice guy and i am going to miss him but i don’t know if everyone else is right...? xx
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crush, flirt, has a girlfriend, my teacher, older man, older men, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, selene21682  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 omg! i cant believe people are actually saying he didnt use you . you know he did,what you can do is forget about him im 17 and something similioar happened to me i slept with my teacher too but then he broke up with me cause he was going to get married , so what you can do is either 1. put him in jail. 2. forget about it and moveon and dont ever see him again. it is hard to forget but a person like that doesnt diserve you what i did was # 1 and it was hard but he deserved it he used me and thats whathe diserves
A
male
reader, 17Irish17 +, writes (5 March 2008):
In addition to all the previous great responses, just remember this: If he cheated on his gf, he would cheat on you! MOVE ON....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): haha, i suggest a vibarator! heehee good one! :)
x
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A
male
reader, flyjorgy +, writes (4 March 2008):
He used you because at 36 you have more self control and less hormones than at 16. It is illegal for a reason, because the adult responsibilities are supposed to provide a protective example for students to be safe in a learning environment. Of course men have strong sexual needs and desires and I'm sure you're an attractive girl, so he was weak if you seduced him. These things happen, but you have to know that a man just filling a sexual need will not love you and can ruin his career if you let it happen. I suggest a vibrator and a secret-chat room to keep it safe.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Sounds like you used each other to me.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (4 March 2008):
 This whole thing is wrong in so many ways!
Did he use you? Yes and no. He did not decieve you. He wasnt after you, telling you how much he liked you and trying to convince to jump in the sack with him just cause he wanted sex. No, you are the one who did that! He attempted to do the right thing to start, but you were determined to get in his pants. However, being the adult in this situation, he should have known better and continued to resist you, even ending the relationship with you if necessary. He should have said NO.
That he took your viginity was also wrong. He knew this was your first and something very special, but at that point he was probably so full of lust he didnt care. YOu only get to lose your virginity once, and it should be with someone really special, not a one time fling with someone who doesnt really care about you.
That he claims he didnt want to cheat on his girlfriend, therefore you could only do it once, is bogus. He did cheat on her. He slept with you and that is CHEATING! I hardly think his girlfriend, if she knew, would say, "oh you had sex with a sixteen year old child, but you only did it once, so that makes it ok."
Yes, you are both to blame. YOu both were wrong and you both made this happen. However, you being a child and him being an adult the blame is not 50/50. He takes the lions share of the blame for himself. I hope you have learned something from all this and will have a little more self respect next time.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Dosen't sound like a decent guy too me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): I don't see how he used you. He made it clear at the begining that he didn't want to take it further than the kiss. You said that YOU persuaded him to go further and he told you up front that it would only be for sex and you agreed. So how can you say he used you when you got what you wanted? The only reason you're confused now is because once you had sex with him you became emotionally attached. And technically, that's not his fault.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Did you use him? I believe you wanted this very much. It seems like he has talked to you prior to every incident. I don't think he used you at all.
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (4 March 2008):
 It does seem like he used you. He got what he wanted which was one-time sex without having to make a commitment to you. Also he did cheat on his girlfriend even if it only happened once. This makes you the other woman and this is not a position many people would want to be in - imagine if someone you were with slept with someone else. How would you feel? I would try and put this guy behind you now. Forget about him. Hope this helps. PM me if you want to talk. x
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