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Did my friend hook me up with a player?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 January 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 9 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am confused and need help to make up my mind and deal with my dented ego.

A very good man friend hooked me up with his bestie. He knows us both very well. My friend is a very decent guy, he knows me since I was 11 and would not hook me up just with anyone. It turned out his bestie and I have a lot in common and want similar things. Two months ago I was chatting to my friend just telling him when above 30 there are no men who want meaningful relationships then he told me he would like me to meet someone and believes we could make a good match.

He then introduced us via phone. His friend made the first move, we flirted on the phone and Facebook for a few weeks until we met 7-days ago.

Our chemistry was so great we ended up having sex within 4hrs of meeting after we had a very nice talk and food and just a glass of red.I’m quite conservative so we discussed the dangers of having sex too early. He put on the table all the things he wants from a relationship and I also put mine. And we then mutually concluded our chemistry is very high.

He was in a not so serious relationship a month ago. Same applies to me I ended a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere 6 weeks ago.

We click in so many ways. He asked me to spend a night but I refused because I haven’t made proper arrangements with my family.

Quite an expressive man you can’t not take him seriously. He called me on my way home saying all the things he liked about me and is convinced we could have a good relationship.

The following day he didn’t check me. Three days later I send an inbox asking if he is fine. He sends a message to say “please be patient with me”. 3 more days I still don’t hear from him I send a message again saying my gut feeling is that we will not carry on with anything. He responds immediately saying he would like us to talk he owes me an explanation about his silence but is scared.

Today-which is 7-days later I decided to delete his number and unfriend ed him on Facebook. He picked that he’s been befriended and he texts again to say “please don’t go, you and I must please talk”, I will tell you when available.

I’m confused because I am used to the fuck-boys whereby after a one night stand a man would ghost you or be nasty. Is this another player? I I didn’t go back to his friend I don’t want him to be involved I feel things are between the two of us. Should I move on? Did this guy play me?how much longer should i wait. He is out of town and is coming back in two weeks. But the silence...

View related questions: facebook, flirt, move on, one night stand, player, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (9 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly it does sound like he is now making excuses. You have sex within four hours tells me a lot about what he wanted from you. I know you agreed but I would never have had sex so early on. Him wanting you to spend the night also tells me a lot about what he wanted. If he respected you and wanted something serious then surely he would not even have tried it on within a few hours never mind asking you to stay. I am sorry to say this but it sounds like this man got what he wanted. He knows you are friends with his friend so my guess is that he is cooking up some excuse to get him off the hook. You are right not to involve your friend as it is not his fault. The only advice I would give you is next time you meet someone take it slower.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (7 January 2018):

N91 agony auntQuite possibly yes.

I think the main problem here is you had sex on the first night, you both discussed it's not right to do that and he's probably seen that as some kind of challenge.

I have done the whole playing the field thing when I was younger and personally I wouldn't ever consider a relationship with someone I slept with straight away. I know that sounds contradictory as I'm obviously involved in the sexual part, but for me to want to take things further with a girl i want to have to chase them and work for their affection, not hop into bed with them after a few drinks.

I'd put this one down to experience that he's a messer, block his number and move forwards. If he wanted something serious and was genuine then why wouldn't he have told you the deal by now? How hard is it to send a few texts or give you a call to explain?

For future, get to know someone better before sleeping with them, I know it's very easy to get caught up in someone's charm and the promises they make after a few drinks, but a person can say anything in the heat of the moment to get someone into bed, then they exit your life quicker than they came in.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntHe will tell you when available?

WTF kind of excuse is that?

Honestly... I'd move on. If something was up and VERY important he could have picked up the phone and told you. After all he could have sex with you so saying a few words of what's going on should be NO big deal.

You guys jumped the gun. You "talked" about the dangers of having sex too early. YET you both jumped into bed after 4 hours of company, so neither of you were thinking much.

Sounds like he is either juggling more than ONE woman, not REALLY looking for a serious relationship (or with you) or he likes drama. NONE of those sound like attractive traits.

My guess is he will contact you out of the blue with some sob story as an excuse.

He has had PLENTY of time to tell you what is really up but he has CHOSEN not to. what does that tell you?

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