A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I may have scared off a guy I like. Here is the background on this: he lives in my building and had told a mutual friend of ours that he liked me. We’ve been casually running into each other a few times per month, and I had no idea the guy liked me. One night, before I found out, we were hanging out with a mutual friend and I was telling them how this other guy in my building had been asking me out and how I’d never date anyone in my own building and it’s just a horrible idea. A few weeks later, I was hanging out with that same friend, and she told me that the guy I secretly liked (who also lives in my building) is into me. The next time I ran into him, I made an effort to spend time with him. I went to an event he was organizing, he mentioned it to me so I took it as his way of inviting me since he seems pretty introverted. He was super happy when I showed up, I hung out, we had drinks and then I left early. He had let me borrow some of his work (he’s an artist) so I dropped it off by his apartment a few days later. We hung out for a couple of hours, had a lot of fun and connected, and then he cuts it short saying he had to meet someone to get work done. He mentioned we should get drinks and look over his work again soon. So I told him we should exchanged numbers, it might be easier. We exchanged numbers and I texted him to hang out 3 days later. He agreed and we went out for drinks, we really connected and kept making all these stupid awesome plans to hang out again. After 3 hours, he cut it short (again) saying it was getting late (it was). He paid for the drinks and when I tried to pay for mine, he said I could just get the next ones. We parted with a simple “ok see you around or whatever”. A few days later, I was hanging out with our mutual friend, talking way too much about this (seriously, why do we ever torture ourselves this way?), and drinking way too much wine. She kept encouraging me to text him, I really did not want too but she mentioned that since he said I could get the next drinks, the ball was in my court. So I stupidly texted him. He was hanging out with a guy friend, but he told me we should hang out the next week. I replied “ok cool! when?” because I’m stupid like that (and was drunk). He didn’t reply and still hasn’t replied (it's now been a couple of days). And I think I scared him off. And it’s going to be very awkward (why I have the no dating in my building or at work rule). I’m thinking he’s probably just not that into me at this point and I completely ruined it by coming on too strong after ignoring him for months, and have probably even ruined the potential for a cool friendship. Any thoughts/advice? Any way to salvage this mess?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for all your insight and comforting words! Turns out I didn't mess up so bad. I didn't try to contact him again, but I did go to one event he'd previously invited me to last night. I brought a couple of close mutual friends along, so it wouldn't be weird. He seemed really happy that I was there, this was probably the busiest week of the year for him. He gifted me a piece of the artwork he was selling, stayed by my side most of the night and kept trying to subtly touch me. We walked home together and hung out in my apartment for about 30 minutes after. Even though nothing else happened, I get the vibe he likes me but is proceeding with caution (especially since we have mutual friends and live in the same building), but it was a good night and if anything, I'm just extremely happy that things aren't awkward. Regardless of what happens in the future, I've made a pretty awesome friend. I'll keep you guys posted if anything else develops, but I'm happy with the way things are going now. Thank you all again!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): I don't believe he was into you to begin with. If he was he would have made a move. But so far the only move he made is invite you to the event that he invited a bunchof other people also. You initiate basically everything: getting his phone number, texting him, inviting him for a drink, then texting him again. He not once intimated to meet. He cut it short twice. I understand work and so on, but as I understood he is a free lance artist, so he can work at night.I don't you "scared him off", I think he just doesn't care. Trust your intuition. I started trusted mine and it does wonders. Example. I met this guy abroad. We happen to live in a same city. When we both returned, we met few times and had a blast. Then I had to live country for a couple weeks again. We talked how we should deffinitely hangout more when I come back, and how I should keep him posted about my adventures. I did write twice, first time he answered with long post, and when a week later I had a chance to write to him again, he didn't even answer. What would the old me do? I would write again and then when I came back, call or text him. This time I didn't . I had a feeling that there is a reason why he didn't answer. I came back, 2-3 weeks passed., andi see few fotos of his with a girl. Then another month passes, andi see people commented on what a beatifull couple they are. So, my intuition was right: while I was travelling he met someone. If a guy is interested, he would find ways of not cutting your dates short, or text you first, inviting you on dates. He didn't do it once. Forgetbhim and find someone who is really interested and willing to put an effort.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 December 2013):
 if you saying "cool, when?" scared this guy off and ruined things, i'd count your blessings it's over.
in all seriousness, i think you're reading way too much into things. when you like someone, you over-analyze things. he said some time next week. so i doubt he's ignoring you. he will most likely get back in touch with you when he's available. just be patient.
and if you do hear from him, next time let him contact you since you've done a lot of the initiating.
good luck. keep us updated.
oh, and don't text him again until he comes to you first. but definitely don't be embarrassed. you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): Friend,
Relax. From whatever you explained, if he is a truly interested person, he will get back to you. 2 days is no big deal. He is taking his time. He will get back to you. If not take it a little slow. My gut feeling says, things will work.
Cheers !
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