A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been eyeing this girl both in person and on social media for about 8 months now. She doesn't even know I exist because the few times that I've seen her in person I was really far away for her to notice and it was at a county fair with A LOT of people. However, since I've been checking her Facebook and Instagram frequently over the past months, I have grown to be so into her looks AND her interests because it's unbelievable how much we have in common.I finally got to meet her face to face at a friends BBQ party. When we first made eye contact up close and introduced ourselves, she gave me the MOST intense eye contact I've ever gotten from a girl. The best way I can describe the look in her eyes was a look of intrigue. It looked like she was fascinated with the sight of me, she looked like she was looking through me with her eye gaze. She was even acting really nervous around me, and based on her tone of voice, I think she was attracted to me. I was so happy because it played out it my head just how I would have hoped.So here's why I'm upset. As time went by at the party, she would try talking to me and i was talking with her. After talking to her for awhile, she didn't seem as interested in me as she seemed to be when we first talked to each other. I really didn't feel like she was enjoying sitting with me. There's a reason for this. Ever since I've been going through withdrawal from an antidepressant and started taking opiate pain medication, I've become a very boring person to talk to. Not just to this girl, but to everyone I talk to. The drugs have taken my natural "life" away. What I mean is, I'm not the energetic fun guy with the glow in my eyes anymore. I used to be very charismatic but these drugs have taken life out of me.Here's my question. If i start talking to this girl AFTER i finish going through withdrawal and get off all drugs, and I become my natural self again, can i reignite interest in this girl again? Or are first impressions lasting when it comes to stuff like this?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 July 2016):
 I am a bit confused- this is not the girl who is an escort, whom you posted about before - this is all another girl,right ?
Never mind. First off I think, that you should consult your doctor. I sort of have the feeling that maybe you are self- medicating ? and not doing an excellent job of it ?... There's something off here.
Antidepressants do not give withdrawal symptoms, unless you stop taking them abruptly, cold turkey. Which no decent psychiatrist would advise you to do. When you are ready , or anyway want, to come off anti-depressants , they lower your dosage very gradually and slowly, so that you can
" wean off " yourself without symptoms. If nevertheless you should feel a bit jittery, or have insomnia, or , au contraire, feel tired , they'll switch you temporarily to a " lighter " antidepressant, in low dosages, just to take the edge off things, - they can start you with the new before you have totally discontinued the old.
Plus- anyway withdrawal from antidepressants is nothing , like, withdrawal from heroin. It's nothing tragic, no severe cramping, no vomit or hallucinations, it's just basically, some trouble getting asleep, maybe some nausea,some flue-like sympoms... for about six weeks ! Most people choose to just grin and bear, because it is manageable.
I am surprised that a doctor would prescribe you opiates to alleviate antidepressants withdrawal- that's not what generally happens. Why do you take opiates ? Since how long ? Is it under medical supervision or is it a do-it yourself thing ?
Anyway- even opiates won't alter permanently your brain chemistry , or your personality, so when you come off them ( the sooner the better ) you'll be as good as new.
And yes, then you can give it another try with this girl. The negative first impression may be a little hindrance perhaps, but I don't think you've got her so turned off that she would refuse to take a phone call or read a message from you, and a good second impression can surely modify, or even cancel, the negative first one ( if it was so negative then... which we don't really now ). You can tell her simply and casually that you regret you weren't at your best when you first met , and that you may have come off as detached, or passive ( or whatever it was that you felt you were ) because you weren't feeling very well then, or were having health troubles then ( no need to say more if you do not choose to ). But now that you feel great again, you feel there would be many things you two could talk about, since you share so many interests...
Something along these lines. Keep it light, keep it casual - smile if you meet her in person.
I think that , unless she is a very judgemental person, she won't let a negative first impression outweigh the attraction and the things you have in common.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (13 July 2016):
 Sounds like she was attracted to you but didnt enjoy the conversation. Start becoming who you are, the charistmatic guy you were before. Let your past go, work out, go out with friends, open up about how you feel with feelings, basically work on you emotionally, physically, mentally and when you see her again, walk up to her and say Hi. Yes do it. Be confident, but most importantly BE YOU. Sounds like she was attracted so all you need right now is to be at a good place (emotionally, mentally, physically) to walk across that field and make her yours. Good luck! =D
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 Why are you on Opiates? Have you an addiction to them or have you chronic pain? My opinion is to try and come off the pain killers, they can do a lot to a person. Yes the antidepressants may have altered your mood, but you are off them now and I am sure slowly you will get back to yourself.
Now you look at yourself as boring, but she may not have saw this, I think you are over analyzing it to be fair. You have spent months studying this girl, and to a lot of people that is creepy behavior. You may have interests in common, but that does not mean you will both hit it off romantically, that is not how the world works. I do think you should try and get to know her, but don't have any expectations. You are a perfect stranger to her, and apart from the online stalking you don't really know her. So start from the beginning, ask her out on a date and see how it goes.
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