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Did I over-react when I was upset about his weak excuse for canceling his visit?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 January 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2017)
A female Turkey age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My long distance bf who lives 3 hours away was suppose to come this weekend to see me. I was really looking forward to it since its a long weekend which means we will have more time together .However he has Monday to Friday job so he is only available on weekends .As for my job,i a work every second weekend.

I was suppose to work this weekend so I had to get someone else at work to switch shifts with. The lady is going to work my weekend for me and I am going to work the following weekend for her which is overnights. I coudnt find anyone else so I just accepted her overnights shifts even though I hate working nights .I just wanted to be free and spend time with my bf .However, my bf texted me last night and told me that he is not coming anymore because he had a big fight with his mom and he is really mad and he is not in the mood anymore. He told me that he is sorry and ask me to understand.

I am crushed because for one, i had to go through trouble and inconvenience of switching my shifts from work with someone so I can see him.Since I already signed the approval forms I cant really go back to the lady and say never mind lets switch back the shifts.I now have to work overnights shifts for nothing which is going to be hard since I cant sleep well during the day. I told him all this and he didn't respond to my texts.I even tried calling him to see if i can convince him to still come and he didn't answer so it sounds like his mind is made up. I just feel like his excuse is weak for not coming to see me and obviously I cant see him next weekend since I have to work overnight shifts for the lady from work and the following weekend after is my regular weekend to work. I am I overreacting?

IN any event  ,I tried texting him telling him that coming to see me would be a great way to get away from the stress and put his mind off it and he finally responded and said he wont make it this weekend and that there is always a future so my attempts to convinced him failed. I got upset and told that we should part ways since he didn't appreciate the hassle I went though so I can see him.I then told him that I wasn't feeling his bs. then I said good bye!He just said ``farewell`` which made even more upset since it seems like he doesn't even care .I tried texting him 2 days later and tried talking to him as if nothing happened but he is not responding to my text..Did i over react?

View related questions: at work, crush, his ex, in the mood, long distance, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2017):

I'm very sorry sweetie.

What a horrible asshole this guy was to you!

Your heart is delicate and he just broke it apart. How mean and cruel. He did not deserve you. You fought for him and for this relationship and he was just a selfish, self absorbed and thoughtless bastard.

Remember this. Remember that he did this to you. Hang onto that. It will make you feel better. This is the kind of person he is. Scum.

And be glad he did you the favour of seeing someone else. This way you are free of him. Free to find a real man. A good, decent and caring one. One who deserves your beautiful and loving heart. Do not let this cruel jerk change your heart. Ok? Continue being the beautiful person you are for the guy who deserves you. He will walk into your life someday.

I know it hurts badly because you feel you were not good enough for him. But please realize it was HIM WHO WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

Please never accept contact from him ever again. I will bet you that this other girl is not going to work out. And he will have lost a good girl like you. A lesson he will learn the hard way.

Stay strong and beautiful. Hugs. :)

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 January 2017):

N91 agony auntStop fighting for him to give you time. Let him be, he didn't have the balls to tell you he was seeing someone else, which in my books is an asshole move. He was keeping you around just in case it didn't work out with the other girl.

Do as honeypie said, block him and move forwards. It will suck at first but it will get easier in time.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI'm so sorry OP

Hopefully, you will take away from this that people need to spend time together in person to have a chance at being successful.

And hopefully, you will also realize that this guy? Wasn't such a great catch. He held onto you while seeing someone else, just in case SHE didn't work out... Not the act of a decent person!

Good luck and I hope in time you will find a guy who isn't miles and miles away.

Chin up and BLOCK him 100% - don't let him have a chance to sneak back in if this new girl doesn't work out. Because if he does try and get back in touch and back with you, it's not because he cares deeply, it's because he doesn't want to be alone and that is NOT a good reason to be with someone. And you deserve better.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question


You guys were right...He admitted that he has a new interest and he's met someone else closer .Now he won't give me the time of the day :( This is upsetting to me,I'm heart-broken:(.I'll just have to accept it and hopefully I will find someone who really wants to be with me.

Thank you guys for your answers

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony aunthonestly? I think he was looking for a way out. He is not making an effort with you, and instead off fighting for you he says farewell? Honestly sweetie you can do much better than this. Block his contact details and move on. Nobody should treat you like this when you made so much effort to spend time with him.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (9 January 2017):

N91 agony auntLame excuse.

If anything you'd think he would want to get out of the house and have a laugh with his gf.

Doesn't sound like he's too bothered about the prospect of the relationship ending so I think it would be a good idea to go through with it and find a bf closer to home.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2017):


No you didn't over react at all. You reacted exactly as you felt at the time and quite rightly too. You have regretted it since because you want him in your life. But really doesn't sound as if he is interested anymore.

A man who messes you around for no good reason and who isn't absolutely dying to see you? Who doesn't reply to your texts on a regular basis? Who ignores your calls and then when you finish things, just says 'farewell'??

Please just leave him alone. He is signalling to you that he is no longer bothered. And even if he was, I wouldn't be if I were you.

You are humiliating yourself now. Just leave him be and move on. I know it hurts like hell, but when you're feeling a bit better, you'll be glad that you took this no further.

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A female reader, Nittynora United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2017):

Nittynora agony auntI feel angry right now just reading our question!!!!

No you have NOT over reacted. So he cant come and see you because he had a quarrel with his mummy? oh bless. I'm sorry but I think that he is lying to you. If he had an argument with his mum I would have thought that's all the more reason to come and see you so he can get out of her way.

I have worked shifts and know how hard it is to switch shifts with people its nerve wracking and stressful too that you got to go and almost beg someone to swop shifts.

I would ignore him and let him come to you, if he doesn't well perhaps you had a lucky escape.

If he does show up again tell him he has to dance to YOUR tune in future and not the other way around.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI don't really think you overreacted here. You DID put your life upside down so you had time off to see him and then he just isn't "feeling" it....

I think it IS a WEAK excuse he used (unless his mom grounded him) - there is no real excuse to not come see you.

My guess is he is giving you the "silent treatment" because he isn't HAPPE that you told it was a BS excuse (even though it was) So you NEED to stop texting or calling and LET him take some time to stew on this. And in the future (unless you two are done) don't rearrange everything for him. Just have him make plans for YOUR weekend off.

And you need to consider if this LDR is worth it.

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