A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there's a guy I find attractive in one of my classes (who shall be named N). Naturally I sneak peeks at N and it seems like he does the same (but they say infatuated people misinterpret things so this could just be me getting my hopes up). We've never held conversation, and whenever we see each other outside class, N gives me an awkward smile and wave. I find this quite strange, since N's a confident guy (around everyone else at least) and I'm not someone who normally makes others awkward.Anyway, I didn't think much of this until N's friend (a fellow classmate whom I text regularly, let's call him K) asked me if I was interested in anyone, to which I said yes. Bear in mind that I have never mentioned N to K or anyone for that matter, nor implied that I was interested in anyone before this question was asked.Once I said yes, K immediately asked me if it was N, got really excited (expressed via full on caps lock) and said that he could get us together. When I replied that it was indeed N, I received no response. I thought he'd get back to me on that, but it's been a few days and he has yet to reply even though he clearly saw the message hours after I had sent my response. Our next class is tomorrow and I am feeling super antsy.My questions are:Did I make a mistake by telling K that I am interested in N?What should I do now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): The cat's out of the bag. K was interested, now knows you're only interested in N. He had no intentions of helping you connect with the another guy; when he's the one who had the balls to come right out and ask you. How profoundly naive you are?
You haven't messed anything up as far as N is concerned. He's either too chickensh*t to talk to a female who obviously likes him; or just isn't interested, and used K to find out why you're staring at him in class.
Don't use a go-between. Go for what you want. You're a grown-woman, not a high school girl.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 May 2016):
 You did not make a mistake. I think he's a shy guy and decides not to do anything because now he's in a spotlight. Everything you say or do together would be observed or maybe joked about by others. In theory, setting friends up in a date sounds like a good idea but I have yet to see it succeed in real life. When people need assistance, or a push, to make a move, it usually means they are not really into relationships at the moment. Having interests, or finding others attractive, does not mean one has to actually date.
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