Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 You are right..........you would typically expect that from a much younger and inexperienced guy BUT if this man did not have much experience before he got married and the whole time he was with his wife he just used her to get himself off and did not put too much emphasis on pleasuring her as well then it's not surprising that he still acts like that now. We are creatures of habit and do what we are used to and know. If you value him as a friend then apologize and back off for a while but I would not pursue and expect a romantic relationship from this man............he is either not ready to open up both emotionally AND physically or he is too inexperienced and not a good match for yourself:(
XOXO
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlexi:You maybe correct in your assessment,however,wouldn't you get this reaction from a much younger guy and not someone whose was married before and 49 yrs old. Red flags are red flags and I rather him be insulted then I find out later that this was his baggage.What straight bad lover do you know that doesn't like to caress breast? He might be bad at it but he's gonna keep doing it.right?
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female
reader, Plexi +, writes (27 August 2011):
I see...........I don't think he's necessarily gay. Definitely a bad lover and/or emotionally immature and closed off. Not all bad lovers are gay hun. He was unable to let himself open up and completely enjoy the moment.............perhaps he has baggage he is unwilling to share. Think of how many straight women have so many scars from the past and are too scared to get hurt again that when they go to bed with a man they just go through the motions and just want to get it over with,lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis kissing would be a peck, he would not touch down there unless I placed his hand there. he would only do a quick kiss on the breast no fondling, no foreplay. I asked if I could get a rub down one time and he refused me. It was get straight to it and be done. I must say that he wanted to cuddle afterwards, but he left me so confused that's why I became supsicious and asked.
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female
reader, Plexi +, writes (25 August 2011):
Do you mind sharing what that strange sexual behavior was? It sounds like you might have projected your sexual frustration on him with a "are you gay?" question and if that is true then it's understandable that a man....gay or not.... would get defensive and overreact. What exactly did he do or not do because his behavior may be explained in other ways.......
Next time you are dating someone whom you find undesirable or sexually unfullfilling just talk about the problem first or don't date him anymore Gay men don't usually "date" women, unless they are in high school and looking for a beard,lol
XOXO
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Oh. Well that changes things a lot because then it IS your business. If you're still dating (you used past tense so I assume not?) you should try sitting him down in a calm way and asking directly, but not aggressively. Explain why you think that. People do better opening up when you aren't face to face. A walk or in a car is ideal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually we were dating and his sexual behavior was rather odd. I do realized I ask him out of anger and frustration, but I tried to ask in other settled ways prior but it wasn't working and I just needed to know the truth. It wasn't in any aggressive manner just a simple question that I thought would be a simple answer. NO
Thx!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 August 2011):
Generally just asking about someone's sexuality is kind of just something you don't do unless you're very close. Especially if someone is in the closet (sounds like it, like you hit a nerve), it's just not really your business. I'd do exactly what Plexi says, apologize and give him space.
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female
reader, Plexi +, writes (24 August 2011):
Gay or not gay, his reaction is appropriate since he was shocked by your direct and aggressive way of wanting to know(if he is gay then he was insulted and shocked by you tring to force him out of the closet when not ready yet and if he isn't gay then he was very much so insulted and shocked by your accusation).
There are other more discreet ways of finding out if a man you are interested in is gay. If you are not interested in him romantically and you two are just platonic friends then it shouldn't matter either way and he would've come out eventually when he trusted you and was ready if indeed he is gay.
The right thing to do right now is to sincerely apologize and give him some space for a while.
All the best hun and good luck:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Then I think he is a gay but does not want to admitt it and acts like straight Man and hates himself. If he was normal he would just laugh about it and ask you out. But if he does not want to speak to you any more? Just forget about him. He is either a gay or macho Man with wich one you would not have fun later anyway!
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