A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i was dating i had met a guy online. We had been dating for around two weeks and from the first we clicked instantly. We had gotten along so well that we were speaking everyday throughout the day he had told his family and friends about me and i actually thought i had found someone special. I know i hadn't known him long but we just got along so well. We was supposed to meet the other night but the evening before he started acting weird. We used to speak throughout the day and every evening before he went to sleep he would message me and i would wake up to a 'good morning text' every morning. So the evening before we was supposed to meet again i was heading out friends and i had spoken to him and he sounded different not his usual self and said he was just meeting a friend and he will message me later and rushed off the phone. I messaged him when i got home as i thought it was strange to not hear from him all night and his phone was off. The next day he didn't text me until around midday saying "sorry i didn't get back to you last night.. what are you up to?" no explanation or anything and i was actually worried about him. I had been in a relationship previously with a guy who had cheated on me on a number of occasions and to me the alarm bells started ringing as this is something i used to get from him. I had noticed on a date that we had went on that he had turned his phone off and thought that was strange so when his phone was off i thought he may be dating someone else. We were not officially together but he had a said to me that he had cut contact with any girls he had been talking to so i thought that was the way we was heading. So i said to him that this is not what i'm looking for then blocked him! :/ I didn't even give him a chance to explain as i was sure he was up to something but now i feel that was very childish of me and i should have at least listen to what he had to say then made a decision. After being through being cheated on so many times i feel i had taken a lot away from that relationship and i can sniff out cheats pretty quickly but i also had no idea what he was up to just that he had acted very differently towards me and that is usually the first sign. Was i wrong for cutting him off like that? I cant be with someone i cant trust i just wouldn't put myself through that again but i also don't want to push people away so i'm starting to think maybe i have unresolved trust issues??
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 July 2015):
 I'm ALL for people using their gut-instinct, but I think at times when we have "skeletons in the closet" or past bad experiences that it's easy to jump the gun on people.
I don't think you can EXPECT to be trusting someone 100% from knowing them 2 weeks. That is illogical.
But since you REALLY didn't have any reason to NOT trust him, I think you really overreacted. The fact that you didn't even LET him talk or explain seems a bit much.
He turned his phone off while out on a date with you? THAT is a GREAT thing, IMHO, that means he DIDN'T want ANYONE (friends,family, co-workers, strangers) to call and interrupt or distract him.) I DO NOT think it equated to him seeing others girls.
Shit could have gone down at work or in his family and he DIDN'T want to bring that into his chats with you. HE didn't know you THAT well either, and maybe didn't feel he wanted to involve you in it. Not like drama to ruin the start of a good thing.
I agree with Janniepeg, that you have some SERIOUS unresolved trust issues.
You WENT into this relationship with the notion that he is JUST like all the other cheaters you knew, and thus you cut him when he acted in a way YOU saw as "not right".
You can't go into something new holding the new up RESPONSIBLE for what for a past dude did to you.
2 weeks in... you BARELY know the guy. And honestly (this may just be an "older" person speaking) but I don't GET how folks these day try and carry on a relationship over the phone and text - the chance of misunderstanding is SO much greater in the written form and verbally, much higher than in person.
My advice?
DON'T hold past bad experiences over a new person's head, it's JUST not fair that you ASSUME he could be a cheater.
SPEND time with a guy you are interested in, IN PERSON - out on dates/outings. NOT over text, apps, phone or Facebook.
DON'T commit yourself to someone UNTIL you feel you he is someone you want to spend more time with. And no sex, till there is a relationship and exclusivity.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 July 2015):
 At two weeks it's impossible to tell what his "usual self" is. It's also too early to be looking for patterns. He could be dating other girls at the same time. You are allowed to ask if you are the only one. He's allowed to date others and he can choose to keep that part of his life private. Even if he's doing something else he doesn't have to divulge every detail of his life. I would say people would talk regularly and share everything when people get official. Maybe 2 or 3 months. Some people turn off their phones not because they have something to hide, but because they don't want to be interrupted especially on a date.
He had not given any suspicious signs until he said he had cut off contact with any girls. It's hard to get a real meaning of this. It could mean his way of breaking off is by being a ghost without explanation. Or it could mean what you think, that he's a player. All you can tell is that he has not met anyone right for him. If most of the conversation happened on the phone, then there can be misunderstandings because you need face to face to read each other accurately.
You said you got along well so I don't know if you had pushed him away. I do think you have unresolved trust issues. It's not good to start off a relationship by suspecting and worrying. What's the app you are on? Is it possible to unblock him before he notices?
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 July 2015):
 Simple answer is - you did the right thing, time to accept what you have done and move on.
Your gut (and mine after reading what you wrote) told you he was cheating and you acted on it, which was right so all is good as you don't want someone in your life you cannot trust.
Good luck with finding Mr Right, he is out there somewhere just don't be impatient.
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