A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months and in the first month we started dating, I found out that he was messaging other girls on Facebook wanting to hang out with them. I just found out recently and when I called him out on it, he told me that it was because he didn't trust me. I never even gave him a reason to not trust me. He says that he doesn't do it anymore but, if I didn't find out from my friend, would he have ever even told me? What should I do. I just have a terrible time trusting him now and I have such bad anxiety because of it. Whenever I go to work, I feel like he's hanging out with some other girl. We have talked about it countless times and I tell him that it bothers me still and he just assures me that he loves me, but there's just something telling me not to trust him. Thinking about it makes my stomach hurt.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 I didn't even read beyond "He says he texted other girls because he didn't trust me". It's one of the lamest excuses I have heard.
Dump that guy right away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2016): Let me share with you my lesson from my most recent ex. I've never met a guy with his mentality, so this was all so new to me - shocked and hurt me beyond belief.During the first about 6-8 months we dated, he was messaging random people in chat asking for phone numbers and pictures. He even met up with his ex a few times. When I found out, I couldn't understand why. His explanation was, well "I wasn't really into the relationship and it was just chatting, I'm realllly serious now. I'm not doing that anymore." Like, really? How is it that the first 8 months of our relationship didn't count? So when did you actually became 'serious'? Like what the heck? Either you are in a relationship with someone and act like it, or you're not! Certain 'children' think that he can easily phase into a relationship.. NO! You need to let him know that if he decides you two are an item, he better act like it!By the time my ex 'child' decided he wanted a serious relationship with me, I'd seen enough of his bull crap and was dobe with it.You want a man, not a boy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2016): Just the fact that he flipped things around on you shows he has no sense of loyalty or respect respect for you. He's playing mind-games; and that will be how this mismatched relationship will always be.
You found out he wants to hang with other girls; then that means technically you're not exclusive, and he isn't committed. How does he feel about you wanting to spend time with other guys? Ask him.
Again, another situation where the guy holds all the cards; and the female places herself in the position of submission.
Feeling totally powerless, and scared to let go; because he might just take advantage of his freedom.
Jokes on you! Guys that sneak behind your back are taking advantage of their freedom anyway! Trust has to be earned. Not given away like lollipops at that dentist's office.
Seriously?!!
Are there any strong ladies out there, willing to let these lame guys know they can't have their cake and eat it too? Any of you strong enough to let go; instead of thinking you can nag a guy into doing what's right? All they'll do is do it behind your back to avoid the nagging. All you'll do is spend a lot of time spying and snooping. What kind of relationship is that? You've already caught him red-handed! You have cause not to trust him. If you don't trust him, you'll never have a moment of peace.
Ladies, you have to learn when to let go and find someone better. If you can't come to reasonable compromise, and he doesn't prove his respect and faithfulness; kick his cocky ass to the curb. Of course drama-queens don't listen to advice, they enjoy the drama. It's the reason some females want a relationship. For drama.
For those who'll consider good advice. You've got to have a relationship that has mutual trust and respect. Otherwise; you're just two people on a treadmill walking in-place, until you breakup. The relationship will never grow or progress into anything but a series of fights, breakups, and a cycle of getting back together. Which is fun for him, because he can play around in-between breakups; but keep your feelings on hold and away from anyone better.
Or, you can just stay there. Shut-up and put-up! Chances are, he'll be the one to dump you for someone else; or just cheat because he knows he can talk his way out of a jam.
Even better! Just flip things around to make you look and feel stupid. Frankly, you would be dumb; if he gets away with it. You can't take his word for it, so what's keeping you there? If neither of you can trust each other. What's the point anyway?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 It depends on the content of the messages. Was he hanging out as friends or was there a sexual tone to it? The way he answered it sounded like he had something to hide. During the first month of dating, it's still a trial period and I don't think anyone would trust the other too deeply. Did you agree you were exclusive during that month? If you were his girlfriend already, which was a bit quick, then it would be wrong for him to date other girls.
Why would your friend dig up something that was 6 months ago? Is there a chance that she is jealous of your relationship and wants to wreck it? If she said he wanted to "hang out", it's not as bad as if he's sexting other women. Hang out can also mean just socializing. I know you just knew this information as if it was yesterday, but hanging out with some girl in the first month is not what gives me anxiety. If his behavior this last 5 months has been consistent and the relationship got stronger, then I would pardon him. It really sounds like you trust your friend and you feel she's on your side, trying to warn you. Just from reading this post I didn't think he did something terrible. Unless you specify.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 March 2016):
 I don't think he would have told you either and I find it rather pathetic of him to push the blame onto you.. with the "I don't trust you". But it made you feel bad enough that you seem to think you have to STAY with him to prove that you trust him and he can trust you...
I'd say, walk now. He is not going to stop what he is doing, he will just get better at hiding it and... blaming your for HIS unwise actions.
It's ONLY been 6 months and he is doing things he KNOWS is not OK in a relationship, so you REALLY think.... that he won't do it again? Or do something else that isn't OK either?
Don't waste time on a guy who really is NOT ready for a SERIOUS relationship. He isn't ready. He likes the idea, but he likes being single better.
TRUST your gut, you can't trust him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 No he would not have told you. It was early in the relationship and he was keeping his options open, he was checking to see what other women where available out there. You never would have found out if it wasn't for your friend, so off course I can see why you would have some trouble trusting him now. His excuse that he did not trust you just shows that he is putting the blame on you instead of taking responsibility and apologizing to you for doing wrong.
In my opinion I would leave him, it doesn't sound like he can be trusted not to try his luck with other girls, and it is better to get out now, than to have wasted 5 or 6 more years with him and then find out he is a cheat. Once trust is broke in a relationship it can never be fully fixed.
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