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Desperately in love with my teacher

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 December 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2017)
A female India age 16-17, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone. I'm a sixteen year old girl and I have this one teacher who is just the most amazing guy ever. He's really smart, funny, and his personality is wonderful ;I'm just so in love. I have never really been in an intimate relationship with anyone before and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm dying to be held and loved. I have a very low self esteem and fantasizing about unrealistic romantic situations is killing me. I have really fallen for my teacher. Not only because of his looks, but his personality, sense of humour, how he treats me. It's all I've ever wanted in a guy. I recently got to know that he's going away after this semester and it's really affecting me. I'm frustrated, confused and lonely and I'm really shy to tell any of my friends about this. Please help me.

View related questions: my teacher, self esteem, shy

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (13 December 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntCan you talk to your parents about this situation? You are a romantic person and that is okay. But you need to remember that you are still a school student and that you have your whole life ahead off you to have a relationship and have all those things that you want.

Believe me it is very common for girls to have crushes on their teachers because its usually a male role model in life. If you feel you are unable to control your feelings then talk to a counselor if there is any at your school. You must remember though not to approach your teacher or share your feelings because it will make his job very difficult to do. He is there to teach you and to guide you.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (6 December 2017):

Most important, don't try to get involved with your teacher. In most countries, he would lose his job for even being suspected of having an affair with a student.

I wouldn't tell your friends, either. It could cause you a lot of embarrassment if it ever got out. And there's no telling how it could affect him.

We all have crushes growing up, especially in our teens. That is part of life. It is great to have a crush...they are part of what makes growing up so fun. And it is ok if it regards someone whom you should not be crushing long as you don't act out on it. But the downside of crushes is that they are most often not fulfilled. Think about all the girls who have crushes on celebrities such as movie stars or musicians. Like nearly all of us, you are just going to have to live with your crush. It would be great if you found someone trustworthy with whom you could confide. This would most likely be a grown-up that you trust explicitly. Perhaps it would be someone who provides spiritual guidance to your family. But do not share with your friends or your teacher.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2017):

I dont know the legal rules for someone being 16/17 and someone older having a romantic/sexual relationship, but im sure the school has a policy that it would be violating. I would talk to a counselor to get help on the situation. It doesn't mean you made a mistake by having feelings for him or that its not legitimate. Its just not considered the right thing and there's a good chance nothing great will come from it, weather he liked you also or not, you'll just be hurt in the end.

Not that this is the exact same thing, but when I was 18, I fell completely in love with my much older boss the minute I laid eyes on him. He was 33 at the time, and I fantasized about him everyday to the point of being in agony. I would sometimes cry because I didnt want to have feelings for him, but I couldnt get over it. He had every quality I wanted, and I ONLY wanted him.

To make a long story short, I ended up having a sexual relationship with him about a year later when I was 19 and he was 34.

I thought it was a dream come true. But problem was, I too was sure I loved him, still am actually.. But sex was the only thing I'd ever be able to get from him. Something I thought would suffice, only to realize afterwards that I wanted and needed more from him to be happy. I wanted him to love me but I was living in fantasy land, and if you stay there for too long, you'll be hurt.

I talked to a counselor to deal with these feelings, which mostly had to do with me and not him at all. I think you being lonely and having self-esteem issues is where its coming from, cause I too felt the same way. A teacher/older man and a 16/17 year old girl is just not plausible. And you pretending that its actually happening is hurting you.

Talk to a counselor of some sort to deal with these feelings and to deal with your own self-esteem.

Best of luck!

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (6 December 2017):

Denizen agony auntGo and talk to the teacher in charge of pastoral care at your school. He or she is there to deal with just this sort of situation. He will help you through this fraught period in your life.

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