A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 5 years, we are in it for the long haul I believe. Some complaints here and there, but overall happy and a good couple. We've been planning to get married as soon as we stop moving around. Built a nice nest egg together and going to buy a house next year.So here is the problem. There is this guy at work who just makes me weak in the knees. He is gorgeous, the nicest guy I've met in a long time, into me, single. I am trying to keep my distance, but it's tricky since we work together. It's bothering me a lot, I keep fantasizing about him and get butterflies when I see him. I'm like a middle school girl around him.It's making me question my current relationship and I hate that. I don't know how to make it stop since I don't see this crush disappearing any time soon, given our close proximity. How do other people deal with this kind of thing? I am certainly not planning on cheating and trying to avoid situations where that could happen, but it's making me deeply unhappy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right I didn't, it's because I wrote this at work where I was still thinking about my crush. Very interesting.
I do love my partner very much. We go on very exciting dates all the time, 2-3x a week (in fact we went on a really amazing one yesterday and I felt in love with him) and I still get a warm feeling in my stomach when I see him after a day of work and butterflies when he gives me a really good kiss. Even after 5 years we still have fireworks levels of chemistry in the bedroom, which is kind of amazing! Is it perfect? Of course not. But he makes me feel like I am the only woman in existence and I feel terrible that I can't feel the same. :( I tend to develop crushes very easily when I'm in relationships, regardless of how happy I am, I'm not sure what that means. It makes me feel awful though.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (10 November 2013):
 This is probably just a case of the grass being greener on the other side OR your current relationship isn't right for you or what you really want.
In describing your relationship you say you have been together 5 years and are in it for "the long haul".
I appreciate this is just a phrase but you do not mention anywhere in your letter anything about loving your partner.
You say you're "happy" and a "good couple". You say you have a plan to marry, build a nice nest egg and buy a house!
You seem to be going through the motions and I think that maybe you and your partner have reached a sort a comfort zone in your relationship where things are safe but maybe have become a bit boring and routine.
Maybe you need to inject a bit of excitement back into your relationship! Go out on "dates" with each other, do the type of things you used to enjoy at the start of your relationship together, learn to have fun again.
What you need to think about is do you love your boyfriend and are you "in love" with him? I don't need to know the answer but you do!
If you love him and are "in love" with him then focus on your current relationship and make it fabulous.
Your long term future with someone should be seen as a journey you willingly make, accepting the good and the bad, because you want to, because you want to grow old with that person, because you can't see yourself with anyone else NOT as "the long haul"!
If you don't think you love your partner then you should create some space between you both so that you can discover how you really feel!
If you know you don't love him then you should rethink the relationship!
Bear in mind that you have no idea how this guy at work feels about you! He may not even "like" you in that way!
Don't jeopardise what you do have for something that may not be anything at all but also, don't stay in a relationship that is not right for you just because you're frightened of the alternative!
I hope this helps AB x
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