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Daughter feels its ok to masturbate in the open?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 1 July 2009)
A female Australia age 41-50, *indafryer41 writes:

Dear Cupid,

I am a 41 years old single mother. My daughter is 15 years old and I was single ever since her father left me when she was 9 years old.

She's a very bright student and scores very good marks at her exams, excels in sports and extra curricular activities etc.

We are very open to each other and I've made an environment where she can talk to me on any matter without any fear.

One day about 1 1/2 years back, when I arrived at home, she had discovered my porn collection in the computer and was watching one of them.

I was shocked by this sight as I never expected her to discover those, which I used to enjoy in complete privacy. She was all aroused, but was not masturbating..just touching her naked breasts.(She often wears only the panty at home during summer and there are times she's seen me naked from bathroom etc..it's only us girls and dress code is kind of liberal) I was embarassed and angry and all emotions at the sametime. But got the courage to walk in there. Obviously she had lot of questions for me and I told her as a single adult, this is an unharmful way I use to fulfill my physical desires through masturbation. She was still feeling very uncomfortable with her arousal and was not really familiar with masturbation for relief. We discussed about it and she wanted me to teach her that, as since lately she's feeling aroused, but was fearing the touching herself for some reasons. I told her the masturbation is quite normal and a healthy habbit and it's an unharmful way of keeping the bodily desires under control without running into trouble, until she meets the right boys and comes to age. She asked me my permission to see the films I am having when she wanted and promised me she will use those intelligently. I agreed and I think many mothers would have had discussions about masturbation with their grown up daughters.

But the issue now is, she tends to masturbate even in the hall when I am around. But i don't want to give the message to her that it's bad as it keeps her out of other troubles. She's dating a nice young boy and excells in education. But i sometimes feel guilty about our openness. We have never ever touched each other or have even gone to any extent of doing anything like that. But I feel guilty about being open on this...Any other mothers who've experienced similar situations? Am i doing something wrong..how can i get her to be more private on this and let me have my privacy? She thinks since it's only us girls at home, it's ok to be open etc and admitted she feels better when doing it openly that way.....

View related questions: breasts, her ex, porn

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009):

to ilovebilliejoearmstrong there is NOTHING wrong with masturbation at any age it is natural and she should NOT be forced or told to stop. and there is nothing wrong with watching porn i think you are a good mother to let her it is a turn on and is enjoying to watch x

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (1 July 2009):

DoubleM agony auntWhile 18-year-old "iLoveBillieJoeArmstrong" claims never even masturbating, which is apparently noble and fine with her, I think that your very open and understanding relationship with your daughter is monumentally commendable. You should not now or never feel guilty about teaching, not to mention allowing, such a natural acceptance of sexuality. Instead, in my opinion, you should be heralded.

But I must concur that your daughter should also be instructed a certain degree of privacy and discretion regarding her private pleasures, now and future, so that unrestrained promiscuity does not become a major issue in her youth. As we all know, future unwise sexual conduct can also radically change lives - not always for the better.

Some people think that 13- and 14-year-old girls and boys masturbating is some kind of new phenomenon. Bullshit. It's been going on throughout human history and many animals do it one way or another. Self gratification always started much earlier in life than at that age. Some degree of interest in sex from about age 7- to-10 is a better estimate for many.

You have my respect for your honest and open relationship with your child, and yes - also teach her some reasonable amount of modesty and prudence about it. But a general comfort and lack of guilt about masturbation in privacy and throughout life is totally healthy.

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A female reader, ffogalilly United States +, writes (1 July 2009):

She needs to understand that sometimes there needs to be boundaries, and that there comes a time when you must respect a person's privacy. She is 15, she would've seen porn sooner or later so I do not see a problem with that, kids are learning about sex earlier and earlier these days. I would seek the advice of a counselor and ask her the best way to approach this situation, because it needs to be addressed.

I hope things work out for you.

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A female reader, cherry cherry boom boom United States +, writes (1 July 2009):

OMG if I did that I would get in a whole world of truble. I know she is comfertable and all but It's not like your roomates you need to set the record sraight and let her know there are still rules and you are still her mother. This ya girl, peace.

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A female reader, iLoveBillieJoeArmstrong United States +, writes (1 July 2009):

iLoveBillieJoeArmstrong agony auntWow..

You should really talk to your daughter and tell her that if she wants to masterbate to do it in her room or something WOW..? Shes Only Fifteen and shes masterbating.?

I'm Eighteen And Im Still A Virgin Who Hasn't Even Materbate..I Really think you should talk to her and tell her not to do it anymore im pretty sure she'll listen to you.. First of all you should'nt even be letting her see pornography..

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