A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been talking to this guy since early summer. He was unaware he was HiV. We had sex and I was given the HIV virus. It has been a hard depressing Time for me. He is the only one that knows I'm postive. To me he is not showing no support to me. I honestly Want me and him to be together because who wants to date a HIV postive person. That's dangerous and risky. I dont wanna put anyone in harms way so I don't wanna date anyone else but him but. He doesn't really support me. He would rather be and talk with friends than me. On weekends when i ask to do things. He choose to do it with his friends. I kinda think he is trying to build his popularity because his friends are like the it crowed . He would rather be with them and post pics on intagram than be with me getting to know me more And it makes me mad that he gives me HIV and then act like he wants nothing to do with me. I would think he would try to build some with me instead and it makes me mad because my life is now changed and I can't change it Back. What am i to do i dont want anyone else i would rather be with the one i got hiv from I really like him but he doesn't seem to like me as much. Am I wrong for being mad and thinking this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2014): I agree with WiseOwlE, who is right in everything he says. As soon as I read your post I thought: 'he knew all along'. The reason I say this is that, because he shows a total lack of compassion now and is not supporting you, this indicates a very cold hearted person, who simply doesn't care what happens to others or if he harms them in any way. If he did not know all along, he would be truly shocked and very, very concerned for your welfare and his own. I really think it would be worth reporting him to the police, just to check his medical records and whether there is any record of him knowing about his condition. As WiseOwlE says, you alone cannot expose him to others otherwise you could be prosecuted, BUT if you go down the correct legal routes, you not only reveal the truth but also know, in your own conscience, that you will most likely have saved other people from the same fate as you.
And, finally, I am so very sorry about what this person has done to you. It totally sucks. One small positive is that there is much, much more awareness of HIV now and less fear of it - more awareness is still needed and you may want to play an active part in that. There are others out there with HIV feeling exactly like you and you will find support and friendship with them, so I'd suggest joining a group where you can get that support.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2014): Hmm, I wonder really and truly if he didn't know he had HIV...honestly, I wouldn't be keen to continue a relationship but would actually be thinking of reporting this to the police. Because if his medical records show he knew, and then knowingly passed it on to you, then he's committed a crime.
Please don't feel no one would want to date an HIV positive person, you are still young and with the right person and right precautions you can have a loving relationship.
Please think about whether you will report this, if you were my brother - it's the advice I would give xxx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2014):
 I'm so sorry this happened.
You should always use condoms.
My brother met his husband about 15 years ago. My brother has Hep B and his husband has HIV and has for over 20 years.
My brother does NOT have HIV. His husband does not have Hep B.
It's possible to live and love with an HIV positive person when you do not have it.
stop using the whole "I have HIV no one but the person that gave it to me will want me" pity party to stay with a guy that clearly does NOT want a relationship with you.
HIV is no longer a death sentence. My BIL travels the world with my brother. He has been able recently to get a little part time job so he is not bored at home.
Seek good medical care, eat well, exercise, get some good mental health intervention to learn to love and accept yourself and stop hoping and praying the guy you want will want you back. IF he wanted you he'd be there with you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 i hope you have reported him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 October 2014):
 I'm so sorry you are in this situation. And I hope you are being PROACTIVE about your medical treatment. You can live a long and healthy life with HIV+ IF you get on the treatment plan asap.
I get that you don't want to put others at risk, I think that is both sensible and honorable, but that doesn't MEAN that you only have ONE choice in partners.
I don't think he was unaware of his HIV. And I think the reason he is avoiding you is more him avoiding responsibility. HE knows he should have taken precautions, but he didn't care to. And being with you is a constant reminder that HE too has HIV. He wants to live in LA LA Land and pretend all is fine and good.
Like WiseOwlE mentioned, he might even think it's YOUR own fault. For not protecting yourself. And from now you you have to be EXTRA careful and honest with partners.
Last but not least, he doesn't OWE you support. Just like if you had gotten gonorrhea or syphilis. YOU have to take charge of YOUR health. And do it now. And EDUCATE your self.
http://sterichindrance.tumblr.com/post/411561429/hiv-virus-and-how-it-works
http://www.rnw.nl/africa/article/scientists-find-way-isolate-hiv-virus
There is plenty of hope for you to find someone to be with OTHER than this douche-canoe who gave you HIV.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2014): I'm so very sorry about what happened to you.
It is very important that you listen to your health-care professionals and take good care of yourself. You must be sure to take your medication and be very careful not to infect others. Please be totally honest and candid regarding your HIV status with potential sexual-partners. Never have unprotected sex again!
You can't force people to love you. He would only be pretending. It's better he shows no interest at all.
Failing to take precautions to protect "yourself" doesn't obligate him to be your friend for life. He just wanted sex with you. He didn't care about the health and safety for either of you, so don't expect him to care now. It is likely he has always known his status, and just didn't tell you. Having high-risk unprotected-sex with anyone with the full awareness of possible STD infection has cost you everything. He is part of the reason that happened, so he isn't eager to accept any responsibility for it.
You have no choice but to move forward and make the best of your life. Don't look to anyone else for that. That's your personal responsibility. Own it.
He doesn't want you hanging around to put a damper on his popular image as part of the "it-crowd," by reminding him of how irresponsible and reckless he is. He doesn't want to face the blame for infecting you. He wants to forget you even exist. He doesn't want anyone to know he is positive; but it is not up to you to expose him. If you try, you could get yourself into a whole lot of trouble. That is illegal.
You need to join a support-group to get your head around things and get your life in order. You don't need a relationship yet. You just got the scariest news of your life; and you first have to come to terms with that.
You're seeking comfort in emotional-dependency on another person; but it might be more productive to find help in a group of people receiving counseling and sharing their feelings. Counseling is definitely one avenue to consider to help you to get adjusted to life with HIV.
Your local LGBT Health Collective offers youth-groups and counseling that will offer and assign you counselors to talk to; and support from other young people you may relate to, so you don't feel lonely and depressed. You'll also get referrals, when or if professional therapy is necessary. This should be your priority. Not getting back with him!
Your friend is a lost cause. This happens all too often in our gay community. It breaks my heart it happens to people so young. That it happens to anyone. However; it is what it is.
You are fortunate that there are excellent medications available that will allow you to live a long and productive life. Provided you do what you're supposed to, and are careful with your health from now on.
You have the moral and legal responsibility to notify any future partner of your HIV positive status. To hide it is a deliberate attempt to deceive; and it would be knowingly endangering the life of another person. That's why he may claim he didn't know he was infected, or he could end up in jail!
Get online and immediately find your local LGBT Health Collective, and locally available youth crisis hotlines and organizations.
He will not be supportive to you, because you are his victim. If he didn't know and infected you, you'd think he would feel remorse; and try to comfort you to show how sorry he is. It is likely he has always known, and has no conscience about it. He figures it's your own fault for not protecting yourself. There are people like that, my young friend.
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