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Crying during anal sex normal?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 March 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2009)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

is crying doing anal sex normal it was so painful my boyfriend said if i don't get things straight he will brake up with me what should do

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A male reader, DLover Canada +, writes (22 March 2009):

It shouldn't be that painful, he's probably doing it wrong (not enough foreplay, no lubrifiant, too rough maybe ?). Also, a lot of guys took this idea directly from porn which is explaining why their perception of reality is a disturbed.

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A female reader, missheart74 Australia +, writes (19 March 2009):

missheart74 agony aunt

hi,

i think if he is hurting you and blaming it on you then you need a new b/f..

good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

if he's hurting you, then he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. I would give you advice on how to make it easier && less painful && maybe feel good if you like it [it was a little painful my first time, but we both learned how to make it easier though] but I won't. there's no reason for a young girl like yourself to be with an insensitive jerk like that. if he's threatening to end your relationship over something that is HIS FAULT, not yours, then it's not worth it babe. I know it may seem impossible to leave him && you may love him, but you have to. what he's doing is emotional abuse && you're better than that. if you ever try anal with another guy, one who actually knows at least a little about what he's doing, you won't be crying anymore. because most guys won't let that happen. if it hurts that much, he'll stop.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

What are you doing with this boy honey?

If your best girlfriend came to you and said her boyfriend was doing this to her what would you tell her to do? You would tell her that she deserves a boy who will treat her like a princess wouldn't you? There are men out there who will go to any length to make you feel special. Would you rather settle for the one who threatens to dump you because you're in so much pain that you cry during anal sex?

Please do the right thing. This person cannot spend the rest of his life thinking it's ok to do this to women.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (2 March 2009):

Yos agony auntWhen a 16 year old boy has jerked off over hundreds of hours of anal sex videos showing huge cocks being shoved very hard into (what appear to be very enthusiastic) girls asses, it's easy for him to get the wrong ideas. This is now normal for most 16 year old boys. But still, it's no excuse.

That he would dump you after putting you through something so painful and degrading is awful. It doesn't sound like he cares for you to be honest. You need to consider whether you really ought to be with him, and whatever you do, don't let him or anyone else stick anything in there until you and they know exactly what they are doing!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

Offer to ram something up his butt to see if he likes it. What is fair is fair. He will probably decline the offer.

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A female reader, Wonder79 United States +, writes (2 March 2009):

Sex in any form should never be painful to the point of crying or be humilitating. Someone who doesn't care that you're crying and in pain during sex does not truly care for your well-being.

I don't enjoy anal sex and therefore don't do it. However, I do have female friends who do enjoy it and it is NOT painful for them. I agree with previous replies that stated if you're in pain then there is physical damage being done to your body.

A true loving partner should work to make sure you are enjoying intercourse, not berate you for being in pain. I say dump his butt and find yourself someone who cares for you, not just his own sexual gratification.

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A male reader, Tomas United States +, writes (2 March 2009):

In case it helps to hear it from a guy (who has no problem with anal sex):

1) If he reacts to your pain (emotion or otherwise) by threatening to dump you, he is very emotionally immature and/or an abusive bully.

2) If he has anal sex with you and hurts you, he is very sexually immature and/or an abusive bully.

What the two clues have in common is, under our tough sides we are all are sometimes delicate, and have vulnerable places; how other handle those vulnerabilities -- with loving care or with willful carelessness -- tell us whether we can trust them.

If there is one good thing that comes from your pain, it is clear evidence of which kind of relationship you have now. I'm sorry for your pain, and I hope you'll be able to use it to find better happiness in the future.

Good luck.

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A female reader, Dazed~Confused Canada +, writes (2 March 2009):

Dazed~Confused agony auntPain is your body's way of saying that you shouldn't be doing what you are doing. If it hurts, then it means that damage is being caused.

If your boyfriend cares more about his pleasure than your personal well-being and comfort then you don't need to be with him.

He's an insensitive jerk, and doesn't deserve you. Dump him, you can do better.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

This is abusive. If it hurts when you have anal sex, you are doing it wrong. If he doesn't care that you are CRYING, then you need to run, run as fast as you can and get away from this brute.

You don't need us to tell you that, surely? How could crying during sex be "normal"? Use your common sense and don't let this guy continue to hurt you, please!

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (2 March 2009):

AuntyEm agony auntHunny you need to get rid of that boy from your life. Anal sex is something most normal adults wouldnt attempt let alone a young girl of your age. Its invasive and painful and can cause injury to the rectal wall if its forced.

If he is insisting you carry out sexual acts that make your cry or even make you feel uncomfortable or akward, he is obviously a completely uncaring unfeeling idiot.

Dump him and find yourself a nice sweet boy who isnt so uncaring and vicious.

Good luck

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