A
male
age
30-35,
*t1993
writes:I've been single for the past 4 years and I've been very happy single. However, I've been having these feelings for another guy at work. I came out as gay just before we started working together so he knows I'm gay. I think about him all day, every day since I met him. He's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. I still remember the first time I met him about 3 months ago, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. We get on so well because we have so much in common. We both don't drink, both do marital arts, both only really have a couple of friends and we have the same sense of humour. I honestly can't find any flaws with him, I'm my eyes he's perfect. He does give people the impression he could be gay. He's a little camp, doesn't want a girlfriend and people from work, including myself, feel like he flirts with me. But a lot of people from work ask him if he's gay and he constantly denies it. I don't know what to believe, I do feel he could be gay but I think he denies it too much. I've never asked him myself but other people have. We were having a nice chat and a laugh the other day at work and my friend came over and said we make a cute couple and are always flirting with each other. He got very annoyed by what my friend said and didn't really speak to me for the rest of the night. I haven't spoke to him since because he had the weekend off work, but the way he acted did hurt me a lot. I literally can't take my mind off of him, my heart races and I can't eat or sleep. I don't want anyone else but him. Do I tell him how I feel? Am I in love? I'm worried it will ruin my job and I don't think I could take the rejection. But it hurts so much when I'm not with him
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male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (12 March 2014):
 Greetings JT1993,
It is always harder when the person you like is someone at work, I dare say many of us (if not all) have had the same experience.
In terms of your question about whether to tell him or not well obviously that is up to you. My advise however is tell him how you feel. There is nothing worse in my opinion that to keep your feelings bottled up especially when it comes to possibilities of the future. Obviously don't just shout it out or apply too much pressure when you do but maybe just arrange a drink or something and bring it up then but be prepared for him to not reciprocate.
At least either way you'll have this issue off your chest
A
male
reader, Jt1993 +, writes (12 March 2014):
Jt1993 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so I haven't seen this guy for 4 weeks now because of work. I still can't stop thinking about him. I get butterflies just thinking about him. I'm back working with him all week and a close friend of our told me that he's bi and likes someone from work. Even though I'm 90% sure it's not me he likes, I still feel like I have to tell him how I feel. If he says no, at least I can try and move on. Or is it a bad idea to even tell him?
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A
male
reader, Jt1993 +, writes (10 February 2014):
Jt1993 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really do appreciate all your advice and comments, but working very closely with this guy for 3-4 days a week, it's difficult for me to try and ignore these feelings.
I'm not gonna push it, I understand there's a possibility that's he's not gay. But it hurts so bad. I've never had 'feelings' for anyone else before. This is all knew to me
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 February 2014):
 What would you do if a woman came up to you (not knowing you were gay) and let you know she was interested in dating you?
YOU can tell him how you feel but he insists he's not gay so either he's deeply closeted (even to himself possibly) or he's NOT GAY!
you have to respect that don't you?
I flirt with men and women. I flirt all the time and I'm married and would NOT be cheating...so flirting for me is a game.. not a way to find a date.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (10 February 2014):
Greetings,A situation as delicate as this needs to be treated with care.We often than not do not realize how we act around others and his actions, whilst considered gay by others, could be considered normal to him.Labeling him will not help this situation since he has said he isn't so leave it at that, if you push in the hopes of acquiring your dream boyfriend you might just cause him to work away from you.Enjoy him as a friend and let nature take its course.
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A
female
reader, mrs lynch +, writes (10 February 2014):
 Hi
So the guy knows your gay but he doesnt know you have feelings for him!If i took away the worry that you were not going to loose youre job and that i can make it possible for you to handle rejection! What would you say to him!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 February 2014):
 Do you tell him how you feel? No, don't try and convince a guy that he is gay because YOU want him to be, or because YOU think he is. (and others think to)
IT IS HIS choice to come out, to CHOOSE what sexuality he WANTS to identify with. He might be "gayer then a 3 dollar bill" but if he isn't READY to ACCEPT that yet, then he isn't READY.
He could be gay, but he isn't out and OBVIOUSLY not ready to make a choice to BE gay in public or (as far as you know) in private.
My suggestion, don't chase men who claim to be straight. That will be a waste of time.
He likes being around you, but he doesn't LIKE to be labelled gay. Or labelled at all. HAVE some respect for that.
He likes to flirt, but he doesn't WANT to hear that flirting man to man is what MOST people would consider "gay behavior" (which by the way it isn't) I have gay male friend and straight ones I they were always pretty comfortable around each other, I swear the straight guys could carry on the guy/guy flirt JUST for the HECK of it just as well as the guy could. Just like the gay guys would flirt with us females, just for the FUN of it. YOU (general you) CAN ACTUALLY flirt with someone and NOT want to get in their pants!!
If you are looking for a BF, look OUTSIDE of work ( that is ALWAYS my advice) and LOOK for a guy who IS COMFORTABLE with being gay, not trying to hide it or won't own up to it, is scared of it and what it entails.
As for your crush, well STOP flirting, be professional. If he flirts with you, don't enter the game.
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