A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello EveryoneI'm coming to you for some help on if there's any hope for me and the girl I'm in love with.To try and make a long story short about a year ago I was engaged and that girl ended up leaving me, I bottled those emotions up which led to problems with me fully opening up to people. After that happened I had a couple of flings and then met this particular girl. Noticed right away that I had a special connection with her but after befriending her and soon after dating for a bit I had this weird...Block on my emotions it felt like so I didn't think it was a good idea to continue dating because I couldn't give her the same effort she was giving. She of course was heartbroken and still wanted to remain friends. Well a couple weeks passed by and I soon realized that I think I may have made a mistake so I talked to her and we ended up dating again...until a "shinier" object made its way into my life and only a week later I broke up with her again to go out with the shinier object. A couple of months went by we remained friends and talked here and there and I broke things off with that shinier object because I got a sudden guilty feeling from my bottled up emotions and realized what its made me do to this poor girl. We soon started talking and hanging out a bit and my walls and bottled up emotions from the previous engagement started disappearing and the more they disappeared the more I fell in love with her....we started getting closer and closer like we had been before and then the shinier object came back into my life and caused a big commotion between the girl I was falling in love with and her by trying to stir things up (turned out they started working together at the same job). The girl I loved had gotten annoyed at me and I begged her to talk to me about it so she did and from that night forward began a roller coaster of she would be all lovey dovey for a couple of days and then be distant for another few days. I talked to her about it and after everything that has happened she developed trust issues with me and didn't want to start dating while having these issues. So I treaded the water with her for a bit let her have some space talked to her a couple of more times and said some things she took out of context and now we are at the point where she said she just wants to be friends and stay that way.I totally understand why she feels the way she does and don't blame her for it. I broke her heart time and time again and didn't give her what she deserved. I tried so hard, harder than I ever have with any girl to restore things and show her I'm all in this time. at this point I'm completely broken down and have never felt so horrible in my entire life for screwing up a chance with the girl I feel like I am supposed to be with. My questions to you is do you think there is any glimmer of a chance we could be together again?She knows as well as I do that she still loves me, and I'm going to give her all the space in the world I'm not going to message her or bother her at all I'm going to let her figure herself out. Do you think come time she will want to try things again?I love her with all my heart and just want her to be happy of course. I've literally cried because of what I've done and how things turned out and I'm the "mocho" guy that never cries or has feelings.Sorry for such a long story, I'd really appreciate any feedback. Thank you...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 May 2015):
 Dude! 3 times you MESSED up. 3 times!
I think the BEST thing you can do for this girl is GTFO her life (sorry to be harsh). But a PERSON can only take so much crap for so long, before they decide they are wasting their time..
I'm sorry your first GF/Fiance hurt you... but THAT doesn't give you the right to hurt someone else OVER and over.
WHILE you give her time to think it all over, maybe YOU need to do some thinking too. SORT yourself out. Don't DATE till you know you CAN be a decent BF to someone. And IF you find yourself repeating you "old" behavior at least have the decency to NOT do it more than once before you break up with the girl.
And she most definitely doesn't WANT to be your friend, she just doesn't know how to tell you in a "nice" way to just walk away.
LEARN from this. When you PLAY with fire... YOU get burned.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 May 2015):
 I think most people wouldn't give you the time of day after breaking up three times with the poor girl. No one could be sure you wouldn't come up with another "shinier object" to break up. So it's easy to understand she wants to stay "friends".
I have the strong feeling that her saying she wants to be friends is her way of saying "I've had enough".
Grin and bear it, and move on. You don't seem to ever be treating that girl right, so leave her alone.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (7 May 2015):
 Well, ball is in her court and she gets to decide if she wants you or not. So is there a chance? I have no clue, but there might be a small one given that you are still "friends" whatever that may mean. Then again, we don't know her personality and if she is vindictive then she may decide to dish out the same medicine on you with few different guys for you to see. Or she may have put you in a time out zone to judge you more or she may have done out of politeness so you can ease your way out of her life slowly.
So, as is, don't hope for much because you gambled away your chances.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2015): Nope, sorry, dude, you've messed up and you know it.
I wish,oh how I wish, I could tell you there is hope BUT giving out false hope is cruel.
Just like it was cruel of you to inflict this on her. To be in a relationship with anyone BEFORE sorting yourself out first IS cruel.
Don't get me wrong, everyone deserves a 2nd chance BUT she gave you a 2nd chance and you blew it.
Sort out your feelings from this relationship, get over her and THEN and only then start looking for a new girl. Otherwise, this cycle will go on ad infinitum and you'll only end up hurting every "next" girl (and yourself!)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 Usually, no, when people got their heart broken they are less likely to try again. You hope the space you are giving her is for her to miss you and try to understand where that emotional block is coming from. I am afraid during this time she is getting over you and probably dating other guys too. You have all your reasons for behaving the way you did, but people just look back and all they think is, player, bad, emotionally unavailable, bad. Some would understand that players are actually insecure people trying to cover their weakness and to gain approval from outside. As to whether she would give you a chance to redeem yourself, should people also give chances to sex offenders, thieves, abusers, since they probably have had poor backgrounds too and sob stories to tell? It's too much of a gamble. Dating is not a time to figure out whether you are ready to date. Those issues should have been dealt with before you date.
You should assume she doesn't want anything to do with you so you can focus on your life. You don't really need anyone. A relationship is just a plus, not something you must have to be happy. You can use this time to prepare yourself emotionally for the next relationship, when you are sure that you won't be going back and forth and messing with people's feelings.
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