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Could this older man like me?

Tagged as: Age differences, Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 July 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2016)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I'm sort of embarrassed to be asking this, as I normally don't have problems with this sort of issue. I'll give you a rundown of my situation:

This man in twenty something years older than me. I am not underage, in my twenties. We work together, and, I must be honest, I sort of had a small crush on him from when I first saw him. This normally doesn't happen, since I don't get attracted to anyone usually. I'm also rather inexperienced with this as well. I may have made it kind of obvious at first, but, I figured, he couldn't have any interest in me due to my age and I was probably annoying him by showing my interest (I'd embarrassingly catch myself staring, which I don't normally do). I've caught him taking glances at me every once and a while, and I wrote it off because I (stupidly, probably) assumed it was because he was making sure I wasn't watching him or something. I've also found him staring, but I wrote that off because of my same stupid reasons. Like I said, I'm VERY bad at this. Recently, we've started talking more (I'm controlling my introverted impulses to stay in my mind and just think). And, well, I'll tell you how he acts towards me. He tells me things such as "I enjoyed working for you," (in our line of work, we work one on one sometimes, and his part adds to mine), or he'll compliment my work every time we work together at the end of the day. The last time we spoke together and he complimented, I told him that I loved working with him, trying to test the waters. He responded by saying that he likes working with me, and that if I never needed an accompaniment on my work outside of the workplace, he'd love to help. I should mention that, when others comment on how other workers in our specific line of work at our job are good, he won't agree or say anything, and I'm thinking that might mean something. My instincts are telling me yes/maybe, but I need other opinions. Thank you.

View related questions: crush, older man, workplace

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (29 July 2016):

Denizen agony auntOh dear! You say you aren't interested in him. So stop messing about. You are being a tease and a flirt. If this man genuinely is developing feelings for you you could make life awful for him. He might think you really like him. If he is in a relationship you could be the final straw that makes him leave.

If he is on his own then it might dent his confidence. We have had a spate recently of, 'Does he like me' questions and it looks like this is another variation on the theme.

If it is just a little bit of harmless office flirting that is one thing but don't lead the poor man on if he looks like he is getting serious.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (29 July 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntDoes this older man have a long term girlfriend? A wife? A short term girlfriend?

He might think you are super amazingly adorbs and wants to have you in his posse.. Or he might be super inappropriate and looking for the next unschooled uncertain naive coworker...

If you are the last poster and are NOT interested in pursuing a relationship with him then I’d advise you follow these three steps:

1. DISTANCE

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.2. DISTANCE YOURSELF

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3. DISTANCE AND SCRUB ALL YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA OF REFERENCES PERTAINING TO OLDER MAN LIKING YOU

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Stuff like this comes back to haunt you when you are trying to further your career. If you don’t want a relationship with him and this is just idle speculation on your part then just leave it be.

Unless this question is about sexual harassment?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2016):

I was the one who posted this question, and I'd like to mention that I AM NOT actually interested in pursuing a relationship. I thought about what you already mentioned before you said them. I am actually just interested in knowing if he does seem interested to anyone else. I'm thoughtful about this, that's why I'm asking. Thank you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (28 July 2016):

All I gather is he likes the fact you're being a flirt, and he thinks you might offer him an opportunity. Do you know if he's married, or do you care?

A flirtatious young lady will get attention; but it may not be for the right reasons; he may only be looking for a fling. The workplace is a bad place for such behavior, because it's a distraction. If he is a married-man, then comes the drama.

Behave yourself young lady. Be professional and do your flirting when and where it's appropriate. This is how rumors and gossip starts, and he might get into trouble.

His response doesn't necessarily mean he's attracted to you and wants to start a romance.

He's more likely hoping for an opportunity for some easy sex.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntFirst off,

Is he married?

If he is, I think you need to take control of your "crush" and let it go. Nothing good (for you) can come of starting something with a married man.

If he is not, is he single? If not? Same as the married advice applies.

If he IS single, do you really think dating a co-worker is a smart move? Let's say that BECAUSE of the age difference or.. if you two aren't really a good match personality wise you will STILL both have to see each other at work.

For the most part I think romance in the work place is NOT a good thing to do. YES, it works for some but that is NEVER a given.

The whole "don't shit where you eat" (date where you work) is just common sense.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (28 July 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYes it does sound like he likes you. But I am going to say to be careful. You may fancy him and yes you are both adults so you are free to do what you want, but you are also both at very different stages in life and probably want different things, so this may not work out long term, so yes there may be an attraction there but if you act on it to soon it may just end at a physical attraction. If it is some fun you want then that is okay as well but never a good idea in the work place.

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