A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend always wanted to have sex, and when i told him no, that i didnt want to, he would would always guilt trip me into not actually saying yes, but still let him go through with it. Is that even considered consensual sex? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (4 October 2009):
Ok first just to clarify what happened, you told him you didnt want to have sex. He tried to guilt trip you into it (how exactly? I assume by saying things like "if you loved me you would do" etc...) and eventually he had sex with you. You stopped saying no, but didnt say yes either? Is that right?
Depending on where you live the laws will be different. I know that in some places in Australia that if silence (in other words not saying yes OR no) is not considered consent, therefore it is considered rape.
But whether or not the law considers it rape, what your bf did is still wrong. He knew you didnt want to have sex as you said no, but he still continued to try to pressure, manipulate and coerece you into having sex. That is not ok. He didnt respect your boundaries.
You need to talk to a trusted adult about this. Who do you feel you can talk to? Your mother? Aunty? Parents friend? Teacher? School counsellor or guidance officer? You really do need to find someone to talk to about this as being in such a situation can cause all sorts of emotions which will be hard for you to deal with.
I think you need to also end this relationship with your bf. What he did was wrong.
Take care
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 Legally, yes. If you allow him to do it, that is consensual. On a purely relationship person to person, you were manipulated and it was not. He had no consideration fro your feelings, wishes and you were used.
I would say stay away from this guy and do not ever let him guilt trip you. Dont ever let anyone make you feel bad for making a decision.
HonningKanin
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