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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been working as an English teacher here in Poland. In about a month I am going to leave Poland and return to my home country. My issue involves two women. One woman is also an English teacher at the same language school that I teach at. She is from Australia and arrived here before me. We hit it off soon after we met. Through my time here she has been someone who I talked to about life in Poland. It is nice to have another person also not from here as a friend. She has been a friend and someone to hang out with. I have enjoyed our time talking and hanging out. I intent to stay in touch with her as I leave however I know that people move on and do always meet up again. I think she is cute and has a great sense of humor. I am looking for a special way to celebrate our friendship. I am thinking that the physical expression of sex would be a way to do that. Can sex be used as a way to celebrate a friendship? Originally, I thought that becoming involved with her sexually might cause some work related problems as we work at the same school. However, in a month I will be gone. Any thoughts about that? I don't want to cause her any problems when I leave. Perhaps I should talk to her about this. Any information about telling her that I am looking for a special way to celebrate our friendship before I leave and asking if she would consider the physical expression of sex as a way to do that? Another woman that I have been close to since being here is Polish. She is also attractive and is fun to be with. She has made my time in Poland more special. She has done little things to make my time better. She has taken me new places and has made my life her better. I have enjoyed spending time with her. As mention I think that she is attractive. I am quite curious about what she is like in bed. I have never had sex with someone from Poland and wonder what it is like. With her I am looking for a special way to say thank you. Also, I intent to stay in touch with her as I leave however I know that people move on and do always meet up again. Can sex be used as a way to say thank you in a special way? Any information about telling her that I am looking for a special way to say thank you before I leave and asking if she would consider the physical expression of sex as a way to do that? Should I also tell her that I think she is attractive and quite curious about what she is like in bed? Should I also tell her that I have never had sex with someone from Poland before and wonder what it is like? Do you think it is possible that I could have sexual relations with both of these women before I leave? Anything I should consider?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Martini, just to clarify for you. I didn't use the words "degrading" or "disrespectable". I did say that I would lose respect for him; perhaps a very subtle difference but I try to choose my words carefully. I said incredulity, which means I wouldn't believe my ears. I said I would think he was brazen with a very lame line. Nowhere there do I think I implied degrading. And I know that women do discuss things like this, so I asked if he was willing to risk the potential tarnishing of his image and some gossip and laughter at his expense. I didn't say it would happen; I just said he that if he's prepared to risk it, go for it. Our poster asked: "Do you think it is possible that I could have sexual relations with both of these women before I leave? Anything I should consider?"So I gave him some points to consider, from my point of view, with a little real life experience with male colleagues suggesting some friendly sex. I didn't tell him not to do it; I gave him some points that I think he might want to consider. I believe you could even quote me out of context: "go for it."My basic point is that I think the women in question would have indicated some interest before now it they were at all inclined. He's here asking, and didn't give any hint that they were so inclined.I know it's entertaining to look at the all the angles, and I applaud you for doing so. I chose to focus on the parameters of the last question. Just please don't put words in my mouth, I'm perfectly capable of putting my own foot in my own mouth without any help, thank you, and I don't need others to provide additional words not chosen by me. :^)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I'll give you a completely different perspective on this than everyone else has here.
I believe it is possible to celebrate a friendship with sex. Most people think of sex as a communication medium for two lovers, but I think of sex the same way I think of different layers of relationships. Sex is a communication medium regardless of who the other person or other people are.
Some people may feel that it is a degrading and disrespectable thing to even suggest, as Tisha has mentioned. That is not a wrong idea, but at the same time, I do not think that celebrating friendship with sex is also degrading and disrespectable. It all comes down to the people involved and their connections with each other. It works for some and it doesn't work for others. It's really that simple.
We cannot accurately apply one ideal for all people of the planet. It's impossible. We all have different connections with people. We all have different ideals, levels, mental and emotional intricacies that make up who we are and how we express ourselves.
I express my connections with my friendships through my printed gallery pieces with customized poetry or one line comments. Other people express their connections by holding their friend's hand - this is a common thing to see in Asia, with female friends holding each other's hands. Some people prefer to express their friendship through hanging out with each other. Some people prefer to show a different sort of affection.
This is simply an infinite Pantone of shades. None of what friendship is can be based on just eight solid colours. People draw too fine a line between relationships of people. What happened to gradual/natural connections? What categorize such relationships so easily?
Anyway, to OP's original inquiries: as I have already mentioned here, this is dependent on the people of your targeted affection. You may feel fine with this, but as you can bluntly see through the other answers here, a lot of people frown on this. No offense to some of you whom have replied here, but many people are unwilling to give up their ideals of categorized relationships because it defines sentiment and in many cases, sacred ideals that stem from various external sources.
So, you can play around with the idea and maybe give them a general questioning than to propose it to them directly. You can ask, "I heard somewhere about the celebration of friendship through sexual connection. What do you think about that?" If they give answers more aligned to yourself, you can proceed accordingly. If they give answers that misalign to your thoughts, then you can abandon the entire proposal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I am a girl from a country which has many hangups regarding sex, a very conservative country. But I am fortunate to see through that and learn that sex is a beautiful thing to be celebrated. It is a one of the greatest gifts of life. The sad thing though is many people dont understand it. Guys are usually more mature in sexual matters than us women who mostly confuse sex with romance, but I dont find many guys who can celebrate sex for what it is. I can see that you are very mature in your views about sex. It can be a wonderful way to celebrate friendship and wonderful way to say thank you but only when the other persons involved are as mature as you. If you know for sure they would understand your good intentions, go for it. Or if they react poorly and you can shrug it off, go for it. If your answer is no for the above two, I would say you better not take that risk. You sound very innocent and I am afraid you wont be able to handle that hurt.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2009):
It is an interesting line: sex as celebration of friendship. I think though, that if either one of them had been interested in having a one-night stand with you (which essentially what this is), they would have let you know already. I'm trying to imagine having a colleague asking for 'friendship' sex; I think I would react with incredulity and any respect I might have had for him would vanish. He'd forever be the brazen guy who came up with the lamest line I'd heard in a while.
So if you're willing to have any pleasant memory of you tarnished forever, go for it. But be prepared to be the subject of much gossip and laughter until you leave.
I could be totally wrong, and they're both willing sex partners. The problem with that is I think they would have let you know by now.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (27 February 2009):
no it can't be.
friends do not sleep with eachother. that's crossing the friendship line!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Let me ask you this: Do you think you can substite "birthday cake" or "thanksgiving dinner" or "handshake" with sex?
Aren't you a bit naive at your agem and as an English teacher?
Your psoting was long, but bottom line is, what you are asking (or is planning to do) boils down to "Is it OK to have a wham-bam-thank-you-mam-kind-of-sex" with two women that you are lusting after. Right?
Women are women are women, regardless of nationality, race, culture, religion. They belong to the same species as you and me. Their anatomy is just the same as your girl next door back home. And they have feelings.
I dare you to ask them this: "Will you have sex with me tonight and take me to the airport in the morning? And by the way, I may never see you again after tomorow". If they said, "Sure, OK. Why not" then you go for it. But if they slapped your face, or worse, they cry, there, you have your answer LOL
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): A new way every day for asking sex from women.I hope one of them dumps manure on your head.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 It sounds to me like you are just horny and want sex, with either of these women! Saying thank you to someone normally just involves a nice gift or taking them out for dinner, not sex!
And wanting to have sex with someone from Poland - while I am no expert I am pretty sure it will be the same as having sex with anyone else! Sex is sex, no matter where you come from.
If either of these women are reciprocating your attraction to them and if you think they would be open to the idea then I guess you will be fine if you go ahead and sleep with them. However you are entering into risky teritory, they may end up wanting more from you.
Having sex with a friend is a sure fire way of changing the dynamics of your relationship, and they may want to have a more serious relationship with you. Women often cannot seperate sex from their emotions (some can but I know that many also cannot) and they may end up becoming attached to you.
I would suggest that you dont sleep with either of these women. Be happy that you have made good friends and leave it at that. If you do decide to sleep with them then be prepared for the consequences and make sure you have safe sex! You dont want a baby in Poland or Australia now do you!
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Unless there is an obvious sexual tension between you and either of these women, I would advise that you not push things sexually.
Tossing around sex and making it so casual can have adverse emotional effects to these women if they do not understand fully that you are using it like a gift basket or thank you card. They may end up feeling used and cheap. If you value their friendship, then I suggest sending a nice postcard with a different picture of the States every month, not sex.
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A
female
reader, 198419were +, writes (27 February 2009):
I guess the only risks involved would be losing them as friends, but, and you're right and realistic, it's unlikely that long distance friendships will really last the test of time, so you might as well go for it.
Perhaps choose just one of them? Maybe you're more attracted to the Polish one? That's what it seems like, so i think you should make a move on her...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 February 2009):
 You may be risking your friendships with these women by asking them for sex. Have either of them shown you any indications that they might be receptive to the idea? If so go ahead and ask but be aware of the risks involved, you might end up with one upside the head to boot.
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