New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Could my longstanding friend be cheating?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 June 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 March 2017)
A female South Africa age 51-59, anonymous writes:

There are times when i feel my longstanding boyfriend must be having an affair judging by his sometime cavalier attitude to mean!

Then i feel emotionally exhausted and as if everything i have done has sumply been to prop anothercouple up.

I would rather be alone than athird wheel in someone elses life!

But my boyfriend vehemently denies it with words so i wonder why i should suppose it to be so?

View related questions: affair

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, JaneSmith2014 United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2017):

Hi there. I understand that your boyfriend has probably been acting aloof or pre-occupied. But the reason for his aloofness need not necessarily be another woman. Its possible that he probably has other things on his mind like for examples, struggles at work, any loans/debts etc.So ask yourself is there any reason for you to believe that his preoccupation is the product of an affair ? You would need conclusive evidence to ask him about this. So, in my opinion, please do not keep asking him about the affair unless you are sure he is hiding something from you. In fact your questioning might give him an impression that you are possessive and are suffocating him and might make him pull away from you all the more.

On the other hand, you might want to ask him whats got him so pre-occupied lately. Ask him in a friendly way and tell him that you will try your level best to help him. Keep the conversation casual and friendly, thus encouraging him to open up to you.

Further if you feel neglected, I suggest you tell him that you feel lonely and maybe ask his help making plans to spice things up in your life a little bit - you know take a vacation, go out for dinners, dates etc.

As he talks to you, you will know the reason for his aloofness. Once you know the real reason, you will find that making the decision of being or not being in the relationship is a lot less complicated. All the best !

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2016):

Denizen agony auntYou need to look at this objectively. Are there any real causes for you concern, or are you over-thinking everything?

You had better be careful because being hyper-jealous could achieve the thing you fear. He could get so fed up with your constant suspicions that he calls it a day.

So once again, are you fears founded or are they imagined and amplified in your head. Our brains are terrible for imagining the worst. Our anxieties are often our brains rushing to think the worst possible outcome.

Finally if you can't deal with these thoughts try some mindfullness exercises. There are several sites you can access online. Headspace is one. It has a 10 day starter programme free.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Could my longstanding friend be cheating? "

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0156340000030468!