A
female
age
36-40,
*onksDaBomb
writes:I've known this guy for about five years and have been good friends for about three. I apologize in advance this is kinda long, but I'm just so confused with everything!This feeling has slowly increased since last summer when we both started flirting. He asked me to help him with something in his classroom (he's a college prof); I said of course. So we'd meet for a couple hours once or twice a week over the summer. This was when he started flirting with me - I'd come in and sit at the computer and he'd say he'd be back in a minute, go in his office, come back and he'd have either a candy or breath mint in his mouth; lots of eye contact (he always has warm eyes with me); sitting very close together (sometimes our knees would come close to touching). He's taken me to lunch a few times, but things started getting rather confusing the last time I was home (we live several states away from each other and can't see each other), which was Christmas. We met for coffee and talked for over two hours where his flirting increased (I flirted too, not gonna lie). We kept the eye constant, and leaned forward on the table so we'd be close to each other, but one time he stopped talking and we gazed in each other's eyes. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. He finally broke contact, looked down and had an embarrassed-looking smile on his face. Later, when he was taking me home, he asked me when I'd be home. I told him not til the summer. He said maybe the next time I'm in town we can just meet at my house.I got a job at the end of summer several states away. We kept in touch through email and started talking on the phone, usually lasting a good half an hour. Lots of his emails sent to me were really flirty ones, teasing me and calling me names.I continued to send him keeping-in-touch emails once I got back to my city, but he ignored me for two months. I wasn't sure what was going on, but last week he finally responded, thanking me for keeping in touch and asking me if I'd be home for Easter. I told him no, not til the summer (I've later found out I can go home for Easter so I'm gonna tell him next week; perhaps we can get together).It's obvious he is at least interested in me; he may like me, who knows? But I really, really like him as I cannot stop thinking about him. But before you're wondering, why is she confused, this sounds really sweet? here are some points that make this relationship pretty confusing:~ He is my former teacher at my college (he was a teacher in my major so I saw him often)~ He is 59 and I am 25 (large age difference, but we get along great as I am very mature for my age; we both look very young for our ages)~ He is not married so I don't have to worry about that~ His hot and cold (ignoring me for 2 months then out of the blue asking me if I'm coming home for Easter) attitude is quite confusing~ I had a similar situation in high school where this guy and I met freshman year, became great friends, flirted and hung out (went to dances/prom, went to dinner and movies a lot, etc.). Two weeks before graduation I finally told him how I felt about him, asking if he'd like to take the friendship further. He told me he did not feel the same way. Things became so awkward between us that the friendshp fizzled. I do not want that to happen with this guy~ Society is in the back of my mind as we (females especially) are taught to never have such thoughts about our teachers and here I am having these romantic thoughts about a teacher, so it makes me feel a little guilty.I just do not know what to do. I really, really like him and I think he likes me and probably has some of his own issues that are confusing him. He ALWAYS does the eyebrow raising thing when he first sees me; even five years ago when I was his student. I definitely want to see him at Easter; perhaps we can get together and have an honest conversation about what we both feel about each other. Please help me. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, jpchapulin +, writes (17 March 2009):
I don't have any definitive answers for you either, MonksDaBomb, but I felt compelled to write to you as support since I'm in the exact same situation with an ex-boss. Same age difference, same type of dancing-around-the-elephant-in-the room flirting, and then the same ignoring! I can't figure it out either and it drives me crazy. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): everything that you have told seems perfect up until the whole ignoring your e-mails for 2 months without a reason or motive as well as the awkward age difference, although if you are comfortable with it it is no problem. before you tell him how u feel ask him about the e-mail neglecting and depending on the answer you should tell him how you feel
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