A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy, hes older than me (17 years older). We met at work a while ago, I liked him after a few weeks of knowing him. He had been in a serious relationship which ended with two kids (but they're not married) and they ended the relationship but got together again for a one night thing which ended with their second child. She was born a month into our own relationship.He said that he has no feelings or her whats over and I believe that but we both know that she will always be important to him as she is the mother of his children.When our relationship began, I knew it was purely sex. Three or four weeks into the relationship he told me he loved me. I said I could eventually feel the same way. It struck me as odd but I overlooked it (whether that makes me stupid I don't know).We continued to see each other in a way that he could still go to work, I could go to work but he still got the two days he has his kids. He's asked me to come round a few times whilst they were there (this was more recently - we've been together for 7 months now). It does seem he has grown to care and genuinely love me as much as I love him.However, he is clearly unhappy. His ex, whom he had children with is apparently sleeping around whilst his kids are still in the same house. Obviously its shocking, but he talks more as if he's hurt that she would do that to him. I worry that there is still feelings there for her as he talks about her very often. He compares our relationship to his previous relationships so often its worrying. I told him we should go on a break so he can sort himself out. Its only been a week and I haven't stopped crying, I don't know why.I'm just worried I'm being taken as a mug, I'm always worried we met at the worst time possible.I'm 18 and I still live with my parents. I have to sneak around to see him and we keep it a secret at work. At first it was exciting but now I hate it.I love him, I love being around him but its just all the drama that surrounds it is horrible.I don't think there is much more advice than just giving up on it all but I would like to know if you had some advice that doesn't end in that way?I've had some really awful relationships previously and I'd like to make this one work. I know I'm still young but I just want to have some sort of happiness still.It's been really tricky. I've felt incredibly lonely. I was kicked out of my secondary school and had to move for sixth form. It sounds stupid but it ruined my confidence, I lost most of my old friends and hardly made any new ones. The friends I have kept have moved out of london for uni and the ones still here can't be arsed to see me or if they do they only see me to talk about their problems. It's been a really horrible year and I've depended on him to keep me occupied and happy. Now we are on a break I can't even be happy by myself. Its pathetic.I don't know what to do and I'm sorry for ranting. I just feel so lonely.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Even in a relationship you would feel very lonely when he treats you like a rebound. He gets the benefits like sex from a girlfriend but talks to you like a friend who wouldn't have been so sensitive about him implying he still misses her.
This break is not just for him to sort himself out, it's for you too. If you always have to rely on other people to give you happiness then you would not choose your partners carefully. The objective of this break is to be happy even when you are by yourself. The break made you realize you went back to where you started before meeting him. You met each other when you were codependent. He needed you to move on from ex and you needed him to fill the emptiness in your heart. You can't make a person feel a certain way about you but what you can change is your future. I think it is the right thing to do to go on a break. You wanted more than what he could offer you. There is no going back to sweet moments before you each decide what you want in life. It is easier to create happiness, generate happiness than to seek for it from unknown sources.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 March 2015):
 If you are lonely then he's not right for you. Move on with renewed spirit You just need to find a real guy that has feelings for you that match your feelings. Good luck. Deep breath and move on.
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