A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:im currently in a relationship where we dated for just over a year, due to unforseen circumstances we had to call it a quits, for a year after that we never spoke and now for the past 2 years slowly we have become friends again(now 3 years after breaking up) we are back togeher and could not be happier. the problem comes in where im currently living with him and his best mate, conflit and frustration seem to be accuring between me and his mate cause his friend just boozes all the time and eats all the food, he does not contribute financially even though we have spoken to him and he says he will start helping out. then to make matters worse my boyfriend constantly preaches to me about we have to budget but then HE IS SUPPORTING HIS MATE, when he does not need to. im having to go with out and i dont understand why, my boyfriend is not happy with the situation but honestly i dont think he knows how to handle it himself. im getting very irritated as it is hard enough for a female like myself to live with two men, it seems to be causing alot of pressure on my boyfriend. Im not sure how to handle this in the apropriate manner because he closes off and being a man does not understand why im so frustrated. its a very delicat situation but im writting to you about this because i need to find some standerd ground to keep my sanity during this 'stormy period' !! any advise at all would help!!!
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female
reader, Dancertainier  +, writes (18 January 2008):
This seems a very distressing period for you and a situation you need to take control of, you have to asl yourself is this man the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Does he treat you with the respect you deserve and crave for?
You need to sit and talk to him calmy, tell him you are SERIOUSLY unhappy and that if he doesnt change within a specified period of time you will have no alternative but to go your own way after all this situation can not go on for your sake and your own sanity!
The freind MUST go that is the top and bottom of it he is causing the problems between you and your boyfreind. You have to stand up for your relationship and make him see what your doing is for BOTH of your sake's or your walking.
If your boyfreind doesnt pull his socks up then Im afraid it really is time to cut your losses and start a fresh, although this maybe hard, draw stregth from your family and freinds around you and you may look back on this one day as a bad experience.
I wish you all the luck with this, I hope you get it sorted.
A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2  + ♥, writes (18 January 2008):
 I understand your frustration with this situation, however, I think your boyfriend is demonstrating that he is still living as a bachelor and that his mate takes some priority over you and your relationship.
Have you ever thought about what did not work about your relationship three years ago? There may be the same issues at play here, as he is still the same person now as he was then at least at his very core.
I am not a fan of living together before marriage, it is a non comitted way of just playing at a relationship, you can always move out, you always have one foot out the door and he is not commiting to putting you first, which is what a loving partner does.
Personally, I think you would be best to move out. You don't have to blow up at him, you don't even have to explain yourself if you don't want to do so. You cannot pretend that this reality does not exist....you are putting much more effort into this relationship than he is, you are acting as if he has given you the lifetime commitment that you want by moving in with him, but he hasn't asked you to marry him has he?
Things won't change. You can't change him. You can't change the situation. You CAN change yourself, and you will effect the most change in him, if you move out and set some boundaries about what you will and will not accept in this relationship with him....right now, you are just a third roommate, and you have no power over this situation....get out.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 January 2008):
 You have a free loader in your house. It is a tough situation because your b/f and his mate are best mate and he may not see the same as you.It is not easy for your b/f to kick his bud out.
The only way out of this situation is either his mate gets out or you move out or you tolerate all this nonsense till your b/f cannot stand his ways.
If your b/f loves you and care for your sanity , he should talk to his mate about the situation and asked him to move out.Give him some time to look for another place to stay.Or he should start contributing to the expenses.
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