A
male
age
41-50,
*oncerned2017
writes:I have been in a relationship with my now fiance' for 2 1/2 years. Our sex life was great until we moved in with each other 1 year ago. I am not sure what but something changed. I have been open and honest about my feelings and my need, she says she will try to work on it nothing seems to have changed. I am sexually frustrated. She says its just work and life but I cant help feel like its something else. It causes stress and tension between us and I feel it could break us up if something doesn't change. All other aspects of our life and relationship are good. I don't know what to do and this is really starting to get to me.
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fiance, moved in, sex life, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (8 February 2017):
 This is not the first promise. But I have no trouble with giving it another try. I give too many extra chances. I would seriously avoid pregnancy if I were in your shoes.
A
male
reader, concerned2017 +, writes (8 February 2017):
concerned2017 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your responses it is appreciated.. We have talked several times since I posted this question and we seem to be on the same page and she has promised to work on this we have clearly determined my sex drive is higher but she is willing to work on this which makes me happy because I love her and love being intimate with her. Thanks again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): I think we need more information before we can judge what steps you can take. As in...if you are having sex maybe 1x a week, but you just have a particularly high sex drive? And she has a slightly lower one?If it is a case like that, you are going to have to compromise and understand that people's sex drives are rarely the exact same. Other concerns in life sometimes take over. HOWEVER...this still means that you should be having some kind of regular sex...if it has dwindled to the once a month level or something of that nature that is NOT going to cut it for any person....Talk to her again. Find out if you two can compromise. Even if she is not in the mood for penetration all the time, she could pleasure you in other ways....you could 'fool around' and have some fun. See if you can work out a compromise. But just remember that women often do need some down time as the drive is not as high, and you need to respect that as well.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Stress can lower the libido but if you have a feeling it is something else then follow your instinct. If it only began when you moved in together then maybe she has just settled in to a routine and she does not need sex as much as you. It is good to know these things before you get married. I won't tell you to give up on the relationship, as you would not have proposed if you where not serious about it. However you do need to talk to her and tell her how important this is for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): Female anon is exactly right. I was fairly young when I got together with my wife. I ignored my gut feeling that something wasn't quite right in the sex department. Fast forward 30 years, and she finally admits she has no sex drive.
Listen to your gut.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): Time to bail.You are both incompatible sexually.Don't get married and have kids and waste years of your life hoping she will change. She won't.Fast forward 20 years, you will be roommates with a couple of kids, a house and a comfy life together. All the while you will feel unappreciated, disconnected and reach the point where you are much too frustrated to continue living without passion. You will meet another woman, a spark is ignited, and embark on an affair and be like most other married men in your situation. And then it all blows up. Wife finds out or mistress tells. You lose everything. And have many regrets about how it all ended up.You are in time to change that future. NOW.Look into your crystal ball NOW. Your long term potential doesn't look too promising with this woman.Better to end the relationship now. The right one is out there. :)
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (7 February 2017):
People dismiss sexual compatibility as not important in a relationship. They tell themselves that everything else is good so the sex thing is secondary and ten years down the road one or both parties end up angry and bitter. Which is where you are already.
Ask yourself can you live with this low level of sex. Also ask how was it you were able to have a satisfactory level of sex before you lived together but not now. Was she faking it until she was sure she had you and now that you're living together does she think she no longer needs to try. And if that is the case do you want to be with a woman who won't even try.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (7 February 2017):
So the reason you moved in together before marriage was to test your compatibility. Test is over. You don't like living with this new lower level of sexual activity. Count yourself lucky that you know before children.
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