A
male
age
51-59,
*reemind
writes: What I want to ask are there other people like me. Or: are there any people who solved this problem and find a good solution for them self?Also why is my sexual interest changed?Hi,I got a problem with relationships and sexuality.Sexual i'm attracted to men. When masturbating in 80 % its about men. Also i have more sexual contact with men in real live. I'm going to gay bars and find these men to have sex with. But i never fall in love with them.Also when i watch porn i'm looking to gay porn. But on the other hand i 'm looking a lot to nude women on the internet even more than i watch gay porn. But i never watch heterosexual porn. When i watch vaginas sometimes i like them and get sometimes aroused but even as many times i think they weird and comes to me as strange.A penis never comes to me as weird Most of the time i like them. When i start watching i never can say what it will be for that day. My feelings can change in an hour. But know the real problem. When i'm going to a straight bar I love the women i see and they are realy attractive to me. And i feel i easily fall in love with them. In staight bars i don't even see the guys.There is an exception and thats when they are obvious gay. Than all the bells are rinkel. But still i didn't fall in love with a man.I must say i don't fall in love very easy. Sometimes when i'm in a gay bar and a women comes in i find it disturbing. but it also happend that i immediatly ask my self what i'm doing there because like what happend in a straight bar all bells are rinkling for women. It drves me crazy. I feel living in a split but not in a lie. Well the best that i can say is that i love to be sexually with men and emotionally whit women. I like being sexually with some women but it doen't feel that deep as with men.I like feeling emotionally with some men but it doen't feel that deep as with women. My question is what direction I should look for a relationship. I think in a gay bar i will never find what i'm looking for.In a relationship with a women i know that after a while we will live as brother and sister and we will have a sexual beddead. No matter how much i love them.Yes... I got a problem. Best is, I think, to open emotionally for men and fall in love for a man. I'm 49 nine and in my early years my sexual feelings to women were much stronger. Am I turning slowely Gay? Is that possibly? Bisexual is always what I tought I was.After my divorce from a women this all started.What do you think? About labels i think as followed. A lot off people can't say what they are only on your dead bed you can say I lived as gay, bi or hetero.What is your advice
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 It is surprising that you didn’t exhibit sexual feelings for men until later in life. I tend to think you may have suppressed these feelings in order to conform to social norms. From what you have told us… I would definitely say you are bisexual, but have more of an interest in men.
I was once approached by a guy and girl at a straight bar who asked if they could speak with me. The guy said, “We’re not trying to hit on you… as I am gay, and she is a lesbian… but we just wanted to tell you that we think you are extremely attractive.” I thanked them and told them that I appreciated the compliment. The woman then had to run off to her job at another bar, but the guy stayed and hung out with my friends and me. In talking to him, we found out he was actually bisexual and had a girlfriend. At the time, I was quite amused/perplexed, so I voiced something like, "How in the world does that work?" LOL! It sounds like your situation was much like his, except he was in his 20’s and probably knew he was gay from a younger age.
If you look at gay porn 80% of the time… you are obviously more attracted to men than women. You have already decided that if you were to get involved with a woman… you would eventually view her as a sister rather than a lover. For that reason, it would be very unfair of you to waste a woman’s time, when she could be out meeting someone who will give her a better future. Besides, I think you would end up cheating on a woman with other guys… and that is not acceptable. Not only would you be unfaithful… you would be subjecting her to STD’s.
If you are looking to find a partner and settle down… you need to look for a man… but not at the gay bars. You will not find what you are looking for there. Are there any gay dating websites that cater to men looking for long term relationships? If so, you should pursue that avenue. Also, join some activities where you can meet other gay men.
What do you think you will end up doing?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I once read an interview with John Hurt who said he used to like men but as he got older he began to like women. One of my friends mums uses to be straight and then one day she claims he just switched and liked women!
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