A
female
age
30-35,
Kim-Jo
writes:If you are an 'out and proud' member of the LGBT community then it is more than likely that you have a coming out story. Some of these stories are funny,and sometimes they are sad. But regardless they make for great conversation starters.But here's the thing, you don't just come out once; I personally find myself having to come out to people at least once a week. Luckily it gets easier each time and every time is different from the last.So how long do you wait to come out to new people you meet either socially or at work?I started my new job on Monday and yesterday I accidentally came out to my line manager and my entire team. I didn’t even realise I had done it until I saw one of my colleagues faces and then we all just laughed about it.I work in sales so we were in the middle of a motivational team meeting discussing what we want and what motivates us to make money etc. I really want to save up for an Audi TT convertible; so without even thinking about it I just said “I really want an Audi TT convertible so that I can use it to pick up chicks”. I tell you now, it took me a few seconds to realise what I had done. But luckily for me everyone has been really accepting and lovely about it. They just said that they were surprised because I don’t “look gay” but everyone always says that.So come on guys, how long do you wait? Do you just come out with it or do you wait until they add you on Facebook and let them find out for themselves or do you drop subtle hints.I think sometimes it depends on the generation that you come from and the people you are working with. My experiences tend to have been that the younger the workforce then the more accepting they have been, whereas I have found that working with older colleagues they have been less understanding. I’m not saying that all older people are bigots. Some of them were very lovely about it. Just that sometimes they don’t seem to understand that my sexuality is an inherent part of who I am and isn’t just a lifestyle choice.Luckily for me, I have never openly experienced any sort of hate in the workplace because of my sexuality. Have any of you guys? Let me know in the comments.Anyway I digress; I was supposed to be telling you my coming out story and I got distracted. I have a bad habit of doing that, i will be speaking to somebody and then its like “ooh something shiny!”I came out to one of my best friends first; I’ve always known I was different but it wasn’t until I got older that I started to understand exactly how. For instance my middle name is Dominque because when I was seven years old, somebody asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. My response? “I want to be a boy called (my name).”I came out when I was 18, I really struggled with it for months before and didn’t know what to do. No one in my family was LGBT and there weren’t any openly gay students at my college. I remember just texting my best friend one night when I had, had enough and just telling her that I was gay.I tell you that was one of the most nerve wracking nights of my life because I was due to see her at college the next day and I wasnt sure how she would react to me. Usually she would come up to me and give me a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was so scared that she would treat me differently but she didn’t; she came bounding up to me and kissed me on the cheek and gave me my usual hug like nothing had changed. After that word started getting round as my confidence grew and I started to tell more people.However there was still one important person who had no idea. My mum.I had no idea how to tell her. We had been fighting for months because I was struggling with my emotions and had been taking it out on her by basically being a total psycho bitch.Everything came to a head the night before they were due to go on their summer holiday. They weren’t taking me because they didn’t think I deserved to go because of my behaviour so instead I was being shipped off to my step dad’s parents for the week. As she was packing my stuff she turned to me and asked me what was wrong.I turned round and literally screamed at her “I’M GAY!”Then we both started crying. I got the impression from her that she didn’t understand but she was never openly hateful towards me because of it so I suppose I should be grateful for that.So guys, that’s my story…Tell me yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2016): As you'll see, everyone's story and circumstances will be different. For some, coming out is just seizing the opportunity and going for it. For others, they have to take many factors into consideration. Be it religion, family reactions based on values and beliefs, and if you live in a culture that coming-out could bring on death or serious repercussions that might even run through your entire family.
I hate when self-righteous big-mouthed gays gang-up on people for being in the closet. Brave though they may be, they aren't living in but one skin. Their own! To degrade and insult others for not taking the same stance, regardless of the consequences; is not only unfair, but very closed-minded.
I was in the military, during the "don't ask, don't tell" era. I was dating women at the time, but knew I really wanted to be with men. My fellow soldiers noticed my sense of style, my looks, and how perfectly well I kept my living quarters. I'm not effeminate, but they still sensed I'm not as "guy-ish" as the rest of them. Yet, they loved hanging with me, included me in the group, and used me as the wing-man to draw pretty girls.
I met a Sargent who was in the medical corps, same as I was. I was taking night-classes, and he was a classmate. He was a really hot guy. I was 19, and he was 26. I noticed he would keep looking over his shoulder at me. Sitting a couple of rows from me. One evening he stopped me after class; and said he noticed I was acing all the exams, and asked if I would tutor him.
Well, I accepted eagerly. Just because I was taken by his good-looks. Shame on this little closet-case that I was. Trying to act all butch and at the time wanted to just melt in his arms. Well, he lived off-base with his wife and son.
We decided to study in my dorm room after work at the military hospital.
He noticed how immaculate my room was, all my uniforms were creased and perfectly pressed. My floor shined, and everything was in tip-top order. He says, this room would pass white-glove inspection coming and going. I played it off, telling him I'm just a good soldier. So he stepped to me face to face, and asked me. "Are you gay?" I can only imagine how huge my eyes must have been. I knew the rule was you shouldn't ask, and I was under no obligation to tell. He said he had heard some rumors. I got really flustered and even felt kind of dizzy. I at first denied it, out of pure unadulterated fear. I didn't want to get thrown out of the military. I asked him what kind of rumors were going on? He said good ones. That I'm a cool guy, just a bit "pretty" and never a wrinkle in my uniforms.
I took a deep breath and held it. I could feel my eyes filling with tears. I felt like I was under a cross-examination and the prosecutor had detrimental evidence against me. Then I got pissed, and wondered if he only asked me to be his tutor just to set me up. I asked, why is it important to him? He almost stood at attention and said:
"Because I am bi-sexual, and I'm not ashamed of it." I figured you out the minute I set eyes on you. By this time, I got the courage and said, I am. I've always known, but I have never touched another man in that way. Suddenly I realized these words were actually coming out of my mouth!
I was violently shaking and feeling totally nauseous. He took a neatly-folded towel off my bed and wiped my face. I was drenched with sweat. He took me in his arms, and he planted a kiss on me that I remember to this very day. It was sweet, deep, and warm. I had never been kissed like that before. I was being french-kissed by another man! Holy moley!!!
I then pulled away, because I realized this man was married.
He said he had an open-marriage and his wife was fully aware. They love each other. I was brought up in a strict Catholic family, and by no means was I going to covet this woman's husband. He understood, but grabbed me again. He says now you're free. I was over-whelmed emotionally from that moment. I couldn't sleep that night, but felt the most comfortable with myself than I ever had. I felt good because someone else on the planet knew my secret.
I stayed in the closet, but had a really good friend that I was very close to. He and I met on a beach on a family vacation, and became pen-pals. We later came out to each other when I got out of the military, and from then on; that friend became my lover, companion, and life-partner.
We had a big fight, and I decided I wanted to leave. I called my father. I explained I had a fight with my "roommate." He asked if he should come and get me? I said no, then I told him I needed to explain more about it. He listened. I said, he's not just a roommate. I'm in-love with him. I waited to hear my father's body hit the floor.
He asked me, did he hit you? WTF? I just told you I was in-love with a guy!!! Where's the reaction I expected?
Dad, the guy is my boyfriend! No, he didn't hit me. I'm gay, dad! He only wanted to know I was okay. He said he and my mom know their children. He and she already knew. My mom died when I was 17, I never got to come out to her. He was sweet and understanding. I asked him not to tell my siblings. I would do it myself. When I told them, each and everyone was loving and good about it. I am myself, I can love and embrace who I am. I am surrounded by their love, and I know it isn't like this for everyone. I now have a great boyfriend, he's out to his parents, and we're great together.
At work, for me; that's "don't ask, don't tell." I keep my life private; but if asked, I will never deny it. They all know; because there is no wife, just this really hot guy who sometimes goes to lunch with me. I bake fabulous treats, but I'm also the boss. So I keep it that way.
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