A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do I keep trying to talk to this moody younger work colleague?She's 25 and until 7 weeks ago would always say hi and make occasional small talk (she does chat a lot to her buddies,I'm not a buddy)She injured her back, was off work a few week then these past 4 weeks has been on light work duties, Im glad she's back and told her weeks ago it was "good to see her" she said nothng more than "hello"Understandably she seems frustated at light duties and walks around looking moody, but is happy and chats to buddies and does the best she can.I do my work and am polite and speak to her when she speaks to me, which is never!She wont say hi, she says hi to some (not all) othersShe never makes conversation with me and looksP....d off and moody, I know her back is not 100% and she wants toBe back to full workload.Yet but why so sour faced around me?She chats to others.She has always been a little moody and sensitive.We have not disagreed and always been polite previously, is she Annoyed I have tried to make conversation?She aims to be working full duties in next 2 weeksShe's excellent at her job.What do I do? Cannot help feeling hurt but I know it's likely not me but her frustration ?Help please!!Add; asking her why she's acting like this is not an option, she may get annoyed or even upset! I feel sorry for her but find it hard to deal with her moodiness.I like my job and most (not all) colleagues, work in a hospital.We cannot like everyone! Thankyou Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): A seven year obsession is quite a worrying thing and your op alibi has continued her campaign so long.
Just because I dont agree with you calling her co-worker ms stuckupthebum and starting a paperchain of harrassment you have got yourself all upset and had a pop at me.
A seven year obssession is unhealthy and if you genuinely work in mental health you would know that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): To the other anonymous aunt .. are you the aunt who goes by what ever everyone says just hoping it for effect to be honest. .. if I were the op I would report your post .. you are not on here to judge or belittle someone are you ? And I do wonder how this post came through .. The op is a snake in the grass waiting to pounce .. What anti campaign is she planning .. Quite frankly your post is disgusting how this came through is beyond me .. As aunt and uncle: we are here to look at what's being asked and work with it not make the person feel vilified for writing in .. Okay so it troubles her someone who should to be pleasant isn't anymore .. she goes to great length to compliment the girl .. or don't you take time to read that ?? She finds it strange that she has done nothing wrong and yet this and yes she is being nasty .. being honest if it were me .. I would flag her ignorance up to the team manager . Working in any environment means being polite .. that is all the op is after .. however my other side as mental health officer was why bother .. merely nod and walk on .. when she so decides to speak . I would not !!! There is nothing in the op post that warrants this shameless attack and being honest I'm going to flag your post up .. People write on here for a reason not to be judged or attacked if you can't don't that .. then please don't post . As your post .. could with all the other Oo your obbesssed statements easyily set her off into a depression or doing something to herself .. why be so horrid .. Just because you can handle things differently doesn't mean everyone has the tools in life to do the same .. Absolutely horrid .
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (5 August 2017):
This woman does not want to be your friend. Accept it and get on with your life and your job.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): Your initial description of her is underlyingly negative and the only positive thing you say is that she is good at her job.I think you are dying to knock her off her perch and would use anything you could against her.To date she has done no worse than hurt her back and you are describing moody looks and hurt feelings.I expect you are quietly conducting an anti-her campaign but she has some loyal friends and as she wants to keep her job she is keeping you at armslength.This is annoying for you!You are the snake in the grass waiting to pounce.Not because she is a direct threat but because you feel she maybe prioritised for a better job over and above you!I cant agree with the person who says she is Ms stickupherbum because she has done you no wrong or harm.You are not in her friendship mindset and that upsets your need to rule the roost!You too will have a predator like that one day, sniffing around for your weak points so that they can whip up a hate campaign and then you will understand why she doesnt take your hello too seriously or confide in you!You dont like the girl!You just havent found a way to publicly humiliate her yet ,but rest assured you are working on it.That is your weakness!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 August 2017):
 I agree, what's with the obsession??
If she doesn't want to speak to you forget about it, why would you keep trying over and over again? If someone you didn't like kept trying to speak to you wouldn't you get annoyed after a while?
Let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): As a mental health nurse, who works within a hospital setting .. I would say what you have here is an Ignorant person who is so wrapped up in herself she doesn't have the decency to respond to a friendly hello .. I would start by just nodding my head if I passed her with a slight smile . That way if she does decide on whatever blue moon to acknowledge you .. she can't race back and report you for being ignorant and causing her distress ..
I can't understand people like this at all .. manners my mother brought us up with cost no one anything .. and as for her expecting you will want her arm if she does .. makes me want to laugh .. this is a person with a personality that shows she can stand her own ground and ignore whom she like and have favour with who she likes . And being honest .. she is allowed too ..
Stop .. stop saying hello .. good morning .. good afternoon .. whatever it is .. she is not worth your time nor your worry .. this is a job not personal place so stop putting importance where it isn't needed .. nod and smile and move on quickly if she approaches you .. say Oo I was busy this morning when you said hello or whatever but I did acknowledge you and say Oo look I need to get on ..
she will only seek you out when she feels in the mood .. sorry but I certainly don't take that from anyone and neither should you .. don't be to ignorant now move on ; but honestly .. she not worth these posts .. in all my years of working I have never encountered this behaviour but certainly if I did I would not be willing or accept any of it
You sound like a nice person so stick with people who are likewise inclined and leave ms I'vegotastickupmybottom for someone else to worry about ..
Take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2017): Seriously?!! Why are you so obsessed with this co-worker? If she doesn't want to be chummy with you; then leave her alone. Just exchange pleasantries and go about your business.
Millennials tend to be cliquish and ageist. They snub older-people, because they think they'll be young forever. You're the more matured and dignified matron; and should let it roll off your back. When she's your age, her snobbery is yet going to make her feel all the worse. When girls her age treat her the same when she's over 40. What goes around comes around. That's karma.
You're at work, not in high school. Those flashbacks of being dissed by the in-crowd and the popular kids should have prepared you for this.
Instead, you let it make you oversensitive to stupidity dished-out by inexperienced, technology-gorged little mop-heads with bad manners; and an over-developed sense of entitlement. All topped with an unrealistic sense of self-importance. You've gone and reinforced it all by letting her know ignoring you bothers you. It shouldn't. You're not in high school anymore. Being disrespectful is how the young roll these days, and you've got to have a higher intellect and a thicker skin. They can barely survive the stuff we've gone through. They'll run to a shrink, just because they don't feel "happy!"
You're in the real-world and she's still got one foot back in the schoolyard. Leave her there. Focus on doing your job. That's what you're paid for. She's a useless distraction. Worth nothing more than a morning's greeting and goodbye at the end of the day. Her signature ain't on your paycheck!
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (4 August 2017):
I think you should ignore her and continue with your life.
She may have her reasons for not treating you well.
People have their reasons, and you won't ever know why they treat you bad.
I've worked for 8 years with a coworker that hated me from day 0.
Just ignore her and do your best, and when you have the opportunity to do something nice for her, DO IT. That's the way you can earn her trust and respect.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 August 2017):
 Do you keep trying to talk... ? No, of course. If you have tried a few times and she has never responded the way you'd want- it's high time you leave her be, and respect her choice of not being friendly with you.
She does not have to be warm and make small talk if for whatever reason she chooses not to , and even less she has to justify herself !, so please do not embarass her and yourself by asking " why don't you want to be my friend ". That's the kind of question which is more appropriate for elementary school than for a hospital.
I understand that you might be curious about what brought about this increase in distance that you have perceived, but time will tell. If she is just grumpy because of her bad back and new work duties... she 'll be back to her old self as soon as she feels better. If her attitude persists the same, my guess is that this is a bit of a generational gap thing- she has no special interest in being closer to much older colleagues, and she might have noticed that , fron HER point of view, if she gives you a finger you want the whole arm. I. e., she may have made small talk with you occasionally, just for the heck of it, or to be polite, or to kill time during a boring pause etc... which does not mean that she wants to make a habit of this, or get any closer to you ,or include you in her circle of friends, as your repeated attempts of commucation would signal her that this is what you'd expect.
Then again, does it really matters why she chose not to be cordial ? At the end of the day, whether her coldness comes from a bad back, or a bad mood, or a generation gap, or even an irrational, knee jerk diliske of you... you both are there to work and to assist your patients, not to expand your social circle. As long as she is civil and can work with you efficiently when needed , without affecting your job performances, that's all it counts.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (4 August 2017):
Another thing to add....
Have you received any form of therapy or counselling for your very deep-seated feelings of being negatively judged, rejected and left out.
I said in my last post that I you've been posting about this problem for a few months. I went back and checked the archive and actually you've been posting about it for years (since 2010.) Always the same issue - cliques at work and snooty younger staff nurses.
If a problem follows you round persistently for that many years, it's worth considering professional input to help you manage it.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (4 August 2017):
Part of me can't understand why you want to be friends with this colleague so much.
You've posted about her a lot over the last few months always wandering why she doesn't treat you like she treats her buddies.
I KNOW it's nice when all colleagues get along and there's a great feeling of camaraderie between ALL staff but that doesn't always happen.
You talk about this colleague not talking to you. Does this mean that she completely blanks you and never addresses a word to you or just that she doesn't engage in small talk. If she blanks you completely (ie you say "could I ask you to recannulate Mrs X" and she responds with silence and simply walks off) - you have the grounds to complain about this to higher management. Some who behaves like this is NOT a good nurse.
I get the impression that you simply mean that she doesn't engage in small talk (she enters the treatment room when you're in there; you say Hi and she mutters Hi back but does little else to respond to you. And if you don't say Hi, she won;t say anything)
I've heard you mention before that it's only a small group of colleagues that she's super-buddies with (mainly the other young, outgoing staff nurses)so it's not just you that she doesn't want to pursue a friendship with. (If it IS just you that she blanks out then, once again, you have a case to complain to management because that's a form of bullying which is NOT the sign of a good staff nurse.)
What should you do? Recognise that it is nothing wrong with you or your work performance; just that you are very different people and she does not want to foster a friendship with you. There are other colleagues that you do get on with so take your validation from them. Avoid interacting with her beyond what's needed professionally. You can still say Hi when it seems appropriate but STOP expecting a favourable response from her - you won't get it.
I do know what it's like to work on a ward where some people are cliquey and stuck-up but there's little you can do about it except ignore it (as much as is professionally possible) or look for another job. Why not ask for a transfer to another ward if it's hurting you that much? Or wait 'til she leaves - you describe her as an excellent nurse so it'll only be a matter of time before she gets a promotion.
But I still have to ask - why is it so important that you are liked by HER? Do you not have other friends? From your previous posts it actually sounds like you have a bit of a crush on her or envy her lifestyle which is why it's so important for her to be accepting of you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2017):
 You said it yourself, We cannot like everyone.
She is busier feeling sorry for herself than to consider to use her manners or being friendly with you.
I'd keep saying hi but not TRY to be more friendly than that. If she doesn't WANT to chat with you then she doesn't WANT to. So I'd stop trying to put too much of an effort into being her "friend".
She might be annoyed that you aren't taking the hint that she doesn't want to be friendly. But really who cares?
Leave her be, do your job and talk to the people who WANTS to talk to you.
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