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Caught my preteen sister masturbating with a sex toy.. should I inform my parents?

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Question - (7 April 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2009)
A male United States age 22-25, *ryanz writes:

Well.. recently, actually about 2 hours ago I walked in on my younger sister masturbating. And the thing that got me, it was with sex toy. She didn't see me at first, but then I yelled her name and she quickly covered up.

She is only 12 years old, and I know masturbation is completely normal but its dangerous with a sex toy at a young age right? And also of the fact her feeling comfortable and having the guts to talk to me about it.

Should I tell my parents? How would most parents feel? Would she feel violated, embarrassed, or hurt if I did?

As a guy knowing males are complete IDIOTS, I know I am a guy. But I only want female opinions, due to the fact of them knowing more about female ejaculation and masturbation.

- Thank you.

View related questions: ejaculation, sex toy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009):

Don't tell your parents. Masturbation is normal. Kids are starting it earlier these days. Did you know that some girls start giving handjobs and blowjobs when they are 12? HJs and BJs are all the rage among middle school girls. Just out of curiosity, what does she say when she talks to you about masturbation?

You should also feel flattered that she has the guts to talk to you about masturbation. Like another poster said, it means she trusts you. And you should encourage her to talk to you about masturbation and other issues, because this will help her develop into a whole, healthy, normal and confident woman.

I know because she's your sister, you feel like she shouldn't be masturbating, but the worst thing you can do is to keep a kid from growing up. Let her do what she wants, strike out on her own, learn from what she thinks were mistakes, and try to advise her when she comes to you with a problem. Be her helpful older brother that she can talk to you about anything, and your relationship with each other will remain strong for the rest of your lives.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009):

Tell your parents would she tell on you. i think that is between her and her parents not you. I do understand your concern. i would let it ride. I am curious why Old Guy had a response the way he did. Is it because she put a toy in her at 12 years old. are you going on size of the toy. toys are all sizes and i don't think she is abused because she has a toy. please. can someone not ask a question with out someone saying there abused. i think if her brother and her are close enough to discuss sex. then she bro. would know if she is being abused.

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A female reader, kissxmexagainx United States +, writes (8 April 2009):

kissxmexagainx agony auntold guy- why would it be a sign of sexual abuse? I don't understand that at all.

original poster- it's perfectly normal for young pre-teens to masturbate. I did it at that age, with a toy I might add. girls that age are going through a lot of changes, physically and emotionally. It's normal to explore sexual feelings like that. everyone masturbates. when a girl finds out how to have an orgasm, they will try things to achieve that. a lot of times a toy makes that easier. you shouldn't tell your parents, because it's a natural precess and nothing to worry about, ok? but you are a good brother for caring enough to ask about this =]

also, you asked about female ejaculation, also known as "squirting" This is something that doesn't happen [usually] every time a woman orgasms. it's a type of orgasm achieved from g-spot stimulation where fluid [not pee] squirts out of her urethra. in theory, all woman are capable of this, but not many know how. I personally can't make myself do it, but sometimes my boyfriend can.

a "regular" orgasm in woman is different. she will continue to get wetter during sexual activity until her clitoris becomes extremely sensitive and then she will have a tingling,warm, or shocking sensation. all woman are different. she'll most likely get REALLY wet after this, but it's not all at once like ejaculation.

hope I answered all questions =]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009):

The only thing in all this that makes me a bit nervous is that she's using a toy. If it was just her hands or a pillow or whatever, then I'd be 100% behind the other responses -- keep quiet to everyone, and good for you for having such an open relationship with her.

I may very well be out to lunch here, but I have to wonder if the use of a toy is out of the ordinary for a 12 year old. Could it be a sign that she's been exposed to inappropriate behaviour, such as sexual abuse? Would she tell you if that were the case?

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A female reader, Bliz Canada +, writes (7 April 2009):

I would definitely not tell you parents, but I would add that you NOT tell other people either. She is young, and curious, and exploring safely (no risk of pregnancy or STI from a toy).

However, if you tell people, and this rumor gets around she will be humiliated. Frankly, I think the consequences of her being embarrassed, and having her privacy compromised at such a young age, could be very damaging to her.

In sum:

Keep your mouth shut in front of your family, and your friends

Knock before entering a room

If this is still bothering you, speak about it with a counselor.

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A female reader, cls1990 United Kingdom +, writes (7 April 2009):

cls1990 agony auntmasterbation is completely normal and i wouldnt worry about it.

I would be a little concerned as to how a 12 year old has managed to buy a sex toy though.

I wouldnt tell your parents, its not like she is doing anything illegal and could get into trouble, theres far worse things she could be doing with her time.

Just leave her be, she's just growing up & exploring her body.

C x

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland +, writes (7 April 2009):

Cerberus agony auntI know you asked for only girl's opinions but here's my two cents anyway. There is nothing wrong with self sexual exploration at any age really, it's perfectly normal.

No you should definitely not tell your parents for one it's not big enough of a deal to warrant telling them, secondly you don't want to embarrass her or lose her trust.

Thirdly, even 12 year olds deserve a bit of privacy, perhaps you have should have knocked first.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009):

hello now if i were u then i would feel this way aswell but im the same age as your sister 12 an girls at this age do get like this because they are starting puberty an it makes them feel good so don't worry becaues its normal lots of people i know does this an i have evan done that so not to worry its normal but if u really worry maybe you should tell your mam not dad becaues dads take things the wrong way okkie?? thanks hope it works

geena age-12

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A female reader, welshlass86 United Kingdom +, writes (7 April 2009):

I think maybe you should be relieved she is masturbating with a sex toy and perhaps being a little bit sensible and safe about it by using a toy, rather than sleeping with other guys and having sex irresponsibly and enduring herself with STD's and Pregnancy, etc?

She 12, Shes going to want to explore, so let her! And well done to her if she feels comfortable talking to you about it, If you feel comfortable talking back to her about it, Guide her and Help her become sexual (because shes obviously ready) but safely! Theres too many teen pregnancies about!

I don't think you should tell your parents about it because she would feel violated, she will loose her trust in you and then who is she going to go to for guidance?

Stay Strong and Good Luck..Its Natural xx

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