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female
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anonymous
writes: hi, ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 months now and everything is going well except that i cant get thoughts of a girl he slept with before out of my head...they were good friends and are no longer in contact because she 'used' him while she was still with her boyfriend.anyway the problem is that i cant stop these thoughts and insecurities that keep poppng into my head. my ex boyfriend hurt me but im not sure if that has anything to do with it. i just wish that i could be happy with what i have and stop thinking about things that dont matter. how can i stop thinking like this? i have spoken to him a few times about this and it ends up with me thinking about it even more than i had before, i dont know how to stop this, i love him so much i dont want to ruin what we have.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): You just have to remember that it's YOU he's with now and not her. There's a reason for that. He prefers you over her and you need to keep that in mind. She doesn't matter to him anymore. Unless he brings her up all the time or constantly compares you to her, you have nothing at all to worry about. Let go of your insecurities and be more sure of yourself. Instead of thinking about the relationship he USED to have with this girl, think about the qualities you possess that make him want to be with you over anyone else. It could be your charm, your wit, your sense of humor, or whatever! Just remember that these are good qualities that you have, not her. This kind of thinking will also help boost your self-esteem. I know if you're thinking "I'm hot stuff" whenever he grins at you, instead of "I wonder if he ever looked at HER like that," you'll feel much better about yourself and your relationship. I hope this helps you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out. Stay positive!
~RJGirl
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