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female
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mitseclipse
writes: I am 23 years old and have been with my fiance for 6 years. I have seriously attracted to my doctor. My doctor is 33 years old and is married. He also have two kids with his wife. I can't stop thinking about him. I think about him at work, school, in bed etc. He alway seem to notice me. He always comments on my hair, pants etc. Once we made eye contact for a few seconds. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I am a mid-twenty something year old Black woman with a crush on an approximately fifty-year-old white man OBGYN doctor. I have always thought that he looked good and was special, but it wasn't until me and another nurse in another doctor's office had a conversation about how good he looked. It seems like after when I got really sick and saw him, he took a lot of time with me. And when I realized that other women thought the same thing, then my feelings for him escalated.
I keep having daydreams of going somewhere nice, like Jamaica, with him. No sex. Just talking, cuddling, and having fun. I am a professional person and I wouldn't tell one mumbling word because I have licenses to lose too. Man, if I was in his office and he said yes to the Jamaica trip, or any fun trip-even riding to the beach, I would go home and pack my sh** so fast and we would be on the first thing smoking going somewhere.
I'm not sure if he's married or kids, but would it would be nice to just go somewhere and have a conversation. I don't think that that would compromise the medical ethics promise thingy.
He's a darn good doctor and I don't want to do anything stupid to compromise me being a patient of his. Anyways, I am probably just another patient, another dollar earned.
He probably does the same flirty thing with all his patients. And I'm wondering if he really looks good or is it my wild imagination.
I'll just sit back, watch my mouth, and let common sense lead me forward. But hey, if he is retiring or for some reason I come down with a life-threatening illness, then I'm going to put it all "on the table."
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): I am attracted to my daughters' pediatrician. I am 27, he is 39, he is married with three kids and I am going through a mutual divorce with my husband of 8 years. I just can't help it, and I know nothing will ever happen, but it's sure fun to think about...I can't really offer any advice other than don't make any rash decisions, because if the doctor is your own and you have a great doctor/patient relationship with him, you don't want to mess that up. This doctor is so great with my girls though, so I wouldn't want to lose that, so I'll just keep it to myself...there are plenty of other men out there. This is more of a 'crush' than anything, so I'm just going to let it go.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): None of us have the right to judge each other in affairs of the heart although in many cases, feelings like this are infatuation or just confused with gratitude & admiration. However, sometimes, it is the real deal. We cannot choose who we fall in love with & if it is someone whom we are meant to be with, then sometimes it worth exploring possiblities where it may be possible. I understand how everyone who has written here feels as I too, am in a similar situation. I cannot change doctors as he is part of my medical team for a vey serious illness. I will NOT act on my feelings but I do not apologise for having them. In addition to this, I know that he also has feelings for me too, but like myself, I cannot imagine that he would ever act on them. As others have stated before, medical ethics forbid this kind of fraternisation. Likewise, I am also married with a child & he is in the same position. I have no answers regarding how to get over these situations as I am hurting terribly myself right now. What I do know is that it is important to try & work on the relationship with your partner (as I am doing) & hopefully over time, things will get easier. If you are truly in love with someone, you NEVER get 'over it'; they will always possess part of your heart, the part you give to them (& no, this doesn't mean telling them - not a good idea unless you are willing to terminate the professional relationship). We do adapt to painful situations over time & learn to live with them; it's much like someone close to you dying which is the ultimate separation; you never forget, never stop loving but you do learn to keep on living & eventually find happiness again. This is not just a cliche as I have lost many people close to me & I know how painful life can be. If you have good friends & family, confide in them; if not, go out there & form some solid friendships - it helps a lot!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): I too have a crush on my dr, my obgyn at that. Same old story, went through a tough time and he was amazing through all of it. He personally called me to see how I was doing and even hugged me at one the visits. He likes to tease me about my age and then tell me how old he is and asked me if I wished I could go back in time. Ever since then I cant not stop thinking about him. He has delivered my baby during this time and made a special effort to be the one to deliver him. He is just a wonderful person. When I go see him now I get all nervous and excited. He is always so sweet and we end up talking about so many other things other than why I am there. I am not crazy, I know he probobly would not even know who I was outside of the office. But I also cant help but feel like he went the extra mile for me. I really am in love with that man. He is average looking but has managed to win me over with his actions....I guess you could say we just had a connection? He is married and does have 2 children- in college. At this point I just want to know how to get over him and move on. I really dont think that he would ever leave his wife for me. But it would be nice to know if he felt the same way. I guess this is all part of life, getting crushes and moving on. Any tips on how to get over him!?!??!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): I kinda know what are you talking about. I'm 22 at present, and Since high school I had this crush for white uniforms that was really worrying;)then I met the man of my life-a cardiologist that is 7 years older than me. It was my friend's friend so we did not have this professional relation. We hooked up in a laid-off situation,and now are together for 4years. It was sheer pleasure to see him as I could not belive he chose me. I was living a dream for a long time and now I am secure about all. I am jealous as hell about this guy. He would be a great competition to all that Grey's anatomy guys, a series that has nothin in common with reality of doctors' life. But now I left to study to different country 4 a semester... and suddenly had to visit ER... and there, SNAP!A totally charming surgeon came to exam me in bed, made the stethoscope thing without removing my top, just placing the stethoscope under it (like knowing i'm stressed out-i really was!) and was gentle with other exams that I was afraid of. After all we had a long chat and made me feel comfortable after exams. I enjoyed looking at him, his smile and the atmosphere(sic!)Now I feel guilty.. I think of this guy, can't eat since 4 days, but at the other hand I'm thinking of my boyfriend, and what is happening with me... Obviously I'd never start making out with another guy, a doctor but he's on my mind. I'm beginning to feel like there's something wrong me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I thought it was only me feeling this way. He did my surgery months ago. He saved my life, after my previous surgeon almost killed me. From the time I woke up he kept telling me that I needed to tell the first guy off and sue him. At first I thought he was nuts. I didn't really even like him at first. He kept trying to be so nice. Office visits were always really long. He'd ask a million questions and literally doted on me.Prior to my last follow up visit I fell for him and I fell hard. After the last visit I went home and cried becase I knew or thought I'd never see him again. I then went back to him months later and he was an absolute monster at the first two visits. The last time I saw him he was great.( as it turned out he had big legal problems) We're both 50 years old and this is crazy. But I think of him at least once every day.Some days I hate him and other days he's all I can think about.I'm a smart professional female...I have never felt this way about a doctor in my life.Theres no where for this to go and I know it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): It is very common for people to get a crush on their doctors, teachers, other authority figures. Doctors care for you, are not judgmental (usually) and may listen to you more than your boyfriend or husband. A good doctor understands this and will be sure that you stay within limits to protect you and him. Don't embarrass him or yourself by crossing the line. And take a good look at your current relationship...what might you not be getting that you are looking for from this doctor? Nurturing, attention, status? This will likely not be the last time you get a crush of this sort. Just understand that it is not real and he is not involved with it. Twenty other women (or more) likely have similar feelings for him. And some are closer to his age/education.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hey allFirstly, this is a great thread. Secondly, I am in the same situation as many of you, and have been for nearly 4 years. In spite of finding out that he is happily married with three kids, the feelings still persist. I have tried to see other doctors in the practice, but still, we can't help bumping into each other.I have decided though, as many of you have also pointed out that: - he is married, and whether happily or not, I will not be the cause of them breaking up and hurting their children. - He is an out and out excellent gp for both me and my two children (I am divorced), and they trust him implicitly as he has been their doctor since day 1. - It is an infatuation. I am currently undergoing the after efects of a very sad divorce, which naturally and logically will leave me wanting someone else - BUT HE IS NOT THE ONE.THerefore, hard as it may be, I have decided to ride it out. Go about my daily business and take each day as it comes. In time, and when I am ready, I will meet a man who is equally as nice, who will be a match for me. So, roll on, life! I am ready for whatever may come, just not my gp......Best wishes
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I think it is common for people to feel some sort of attraction to a care provider some time in their lives. That being said, I find myself in similar shoes. It takes effort to stay focused during my (infrequent) visits. The reason I haven't crossed that line in the two years I've been seeing him? He is an outstanding doctor who I am confident truly has the interest of my health at heart. Yes, he flirts and looks at me "that way", however, I think it will be easier for me to find another man who can be my lover; not so easy to find a doctor who I have confidence in.If the opportunity ever presents itself (specifically, by his initiation), yes - I would kiss him and take it from there, just like with any other man. Unless he makes the move, which I'm sure would start with "I can't be your doctor anymore...", I am content to 'love from a distance'. If the attraction is such that it interferes with the quality of your health care, it's time to find another doc.If nothing else, heed this: Doctor's are bound by an oath they have sworn to. It is dead wrong for a doctor to be sexually involved with one of their patients. If a doctor tries to have his cake and eat it too, that is of a predatory mindset and not a man you want to be involved with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): Wow, I thought I was alone in wanting my Dr. I initially thought it was b/c he had done my knee surgeries and that alot of patients look at their Dr. as a savior. It isn't. I just saw him yesterday after 3 years as I have a broken foot and my heart was abslutely racing.But in my case, well, I made a move 3 years ago. I left a note on his car windshield, telling him I found him very attractive, that I often wondered if it could be more and that if nothing was ever said about it, I would understand that was the answer and be ok with it.The visits after the notes were friendly and flirtatious - I know he considered it and after yesterday, he is still thinking about it. But I think he fears losing his livelihood - his practice is doing very well and aside from office visits, he could think I would sue him and cause him his license for all he knows.In reality, I can't explain it - I just want him like I have never wanted any man......the way he does the exams and the amount of time he spends with me compared to his other patients is so much more - I was there an hour and a half from when he came in the exam room until we were done.It is very hard to be human and feel this way - you feel guilty, excited, turned on and all the while wondering what can you do to let him know, it's ok, I'm not a psycho, just lean in and kiss me once, you'll know.........We are both married with kids.........he is 10 years my senior and no, I did not leave any further notes - I took a chance, a risk and it was a very daring thing to do......I did consider it again after how he was with me yesterday......we are like giddy teenagers around each other and I am the only patient he will walk around the reception desk to stand next to, chat, etc. I want the man - no apologies - I am human and I made it clear I wanted him and how to contact me.......But if it never happens, the office visits are sure fun!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): live him alone.
Put your self in his wife's shoes.
Would you like that if you were her???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2006): Oh boy, I am in the same boat here. Seriously hot for my now-former doctor and he has reciprocated in emails. I want him so bad.
He ceased seeing me as his patient because of the ethical implications, but I still email him and he replies. The real problem is that both of us are married.
I don't want it go beyond to email contact,sharing my feelings and desires with him, but I can see that I am walking a dangerous path and stupidly choose to flirt with him because part of me wants it to lead to physical contact, yet I do not want to break my husband's heart, or for his marriage to fall apart. I have always detested marital infidelity and never imagined myself even contemplating cheating on my husband.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2005): I'm going thru the same situation. I'm in love with my married doctor. I think of him constantly, even though I try not to. I've expressed my feelings to him and he doesn't respond either way but when I miss an appt. and when I come back in to his office, he tells me that he missed me and he looks forward to my visits, we also email each other all the time. We also act totally different with each other in front of others, nothing has ever been said between us on how to act, we just know that we can't show our true feelings for one another in front of others. Now, he offered to escort me to an event outside of his office and am a little nervous of whether I can control my feelings for him on this upcoming event. I'm really thrilled he asked to escort me to this event, but realize we are and have broken all the rules concerning doctor/patient boundaries. I just had the misfortune to find the love of my life too late but I do find comfort in providing him some comfort and friendship as I have known for awhile that he has a great sense of loneliness about him, even though on the surface, his life seems complete,with a great career, wife, kids, house in the suburbs, Cadillac in the driveway, he even has a dog. If I can make his life a little less lonely maybe that is the role I have been designated to play in his life. He has given me a chance to connect, to love and to support a man in a deeper way than I ever thought possible. This is definitely the oddest relationship I have ever had but I cherish it all the same and realize every situation happens for a reason. I don't want to take his wife's place but I will not apologize for loving him, even though he is married. I believe you can control what you do, but how do you stop yourself from loving someone? I don't believe you can and at this point, I wouldn't want to stop loving him.
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female
reader, karensue +, writes (4 October 2005):
I fell for my gyn doctor. I was going through a hard time. A different doctor did a bad surgery on me and my new doctor was helping me sue him. He was so caring and he would hug me. I felt like he was the only one who cared about me. When he would hug me he would get a hard on. He kissed me once in his office. He told me he had feelings for me, but it was unethical. I stopped going there and got over it. I look back and see that it was a strange thing. I'm glad nothing ever happened. I think I would even be embarrassed to see him now. So, just look at it as a crush and leave it alone.
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female
reader, ritzy +, writes (30 September 2005):
Let me get this right....Your 23, in a 6 year relationship since your were 17, you call your boyfriend your fiance and now interested in your doctor who happens to be married, has 2 kids and sees [LOTS] of women all day long... who I might add, can glance at these women for as long as he wants, any time he wants, without each of them knowing about it. Do ya really think that he's so great and you're so special?
Wake up!!.. Let's see how it goes... If I flirt and keep focussing on his eyes and maybe he'll be attracted to me the way I am to him and then we finally we'll talk and secretly meet and then..we can't wait and we finally have passionate sex and he goes home and tells his wife who is now devistated, he leaves her and his kids...you dump your boyfriend [fiance] who is ruined by the affair, the good doctor moves in with you and there's more passionate sex and... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Was it worth it? And who was hurt by all that and all in the name of lust! Guilt will become your best friend if you proceed with your infatuated feelings. GET A GRIP! Right now what you feel is all in your head - KEEP IT THERE! Even happily married women notice and are attracted to a good looking man. We're not dead. We're alive and can appreciate what a man has been blessed with. But.. it goes no further.......no further no problem. Your decision of course.
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (29 September 2005):
are you willing to throw 6yrs away for a fling with your g.p? if you say yes wow pls think about this! its just a fling you are after sex once youve had and got board of it your gonna feel guilty the 2kids,his wife,your fiancee your going 2 wreck 4lifes its not worth it. ok things may be boaring at the moment with you&fiancee but they do get boaring after 6yrs then they liven up agen, think of things to liven the ralationship up agen instead of thinking of your g.p and when you do think of doctor think of his wife and 2kids dont hurt them they ent done nothing nor has his wife! nor as your fiancee! pls i beg you dont do anything silly unless you want to mess up all of your lifes. change doctors it may make things easier! for the kids his wife and your fiancee change doctors!
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female
reader, becky0412 +, writes (29 September 2005):
To be honest girl i would just get on with your life and just look at him as being your gp, he is married and you are engaged it is not worth ruining his wife and kids lifes.Believe me my partner cheated on me and we ave 2 children and my kids were so hurt by it that they dont want to know him any more.I no it will be hard for you but you have to be strong think of what you would feel like if some woman was seeing you partner behind your back you wouldnt like it so dont do it, show yourself some respect and think of the people that will get hurt the most if you persue this any further.
Good Luck!!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2005): Why are you allowing this to go even further? It's infatuation, and you shouldn't let it progress. Surely we see people we are attracted to each day and why can't some people leave it like that. The most it could ever be is that you and him have a one night stand which would result in something that's meaningless. You are still young and I bet you aren't even sure about the person you are going to marry. If you were certain about your current relationship, no other man would even matter. Of course he's going to comment on your hair, pants, etc, blah blah. Big deal. He could be just some big flirt who likes to feel young again. You know- those guys who would like to say that they "still go it". 90% of the time, he's an old guy with kids who is only looking to get some discrete sex. I honestly think you need to re-evaluate your current relationship if you are having these types of feelings with people whom you are attracted to. Red light.
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