A
female
age
18-21,
*onfused-princess
writes:I'm 20 years old. I have been with my partner for 4 years and have two children with him. and i do love him. but since i was at school i have liked one of his friends. and all of a sudden this friend is spending a lot of time with our family and i think about him more and more. i know i am not really his type. but it is seriously getting in the way of my relationship. i can't bear to be around my partner sometimes and i am really low and depressed. should i just get up and get on with my life and pretend i am happy with my partner. or do i leave my partner as it does not feel fair on him??
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female
reader, confused-princess +, writes (8 May 2009):
confused-princess is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have tried talking to him, but he just doesn't appreciate anything i do for him. i bent over backwards trying to get him and his friends tickets to a game that was nigh on sold out when he asked me to get them. but i suceeded and didn't get so much as even a thanks. i've tried steering clear of his friend as well. but when i do see him. we laugh, we talk and do different things such as take the kids out which me and my partner never seem to do anymore. my kids need a male influence in there life. i know that his friend probably isn't interested and he has a reputation as a player. but i don't think i am looking for a relationship. i know i feel alot for him. and i mean alot. but i think it is companionship and someone who actually takes an interest in my children.
A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (4 May 2009):
 It's easy to take a nice person at face value and wish you were with them, when with your current partner you share problems, bills, stress and routine.
Your solutions are both flawed:
-pretending things are ok will only close you up even more to your partner;
-breaking up and moving on to the next best thing will not only mess up the good things you do share, but it also would mean not learning to cope with relationship problems, which will mean you'll only dump the next guy when you come to realise the problem isn't the man you're with, but life and the way YOU live through it.
Before you give up on your current partner, try to spend some time alone with him, talk to him about how unhappy you are and try to discuss the things that upset you.
You fell in love with him for a reason, you admired him once, he's still the same, just with different problems and the extra pressure of a family, you take each other for granted rather than seeing each other as people with feelings, interests, opinions, desires...
I've been there and all it took was a chat over drinks with the intention of going out together and having fun...
When was the last time you tried to have some relaxed fun with the man you used to love and is the father of your children?
God bless and good luck, I wish you well :-)
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A
female
reader, lolagiraffe  +, writes (4 May 2009):
You must have made a commitment to your boyfriend because you do have two children. Life is not like high school anymore, where you can suddenly change your mind and go out with a man you like a little bit more.
Do you really want to give your kids a life of a separated relationship? Do you want them to travel back and fourth between parents? Being 20, you're probably thinking about career goals and your whole life ahead of you.
I don't think your boyfriend's friend is your problem. Your relationship is just lacking the zest and butterflies it used to. It is all too easy to fall back on other people or feelings from previous boyfriends. Try doing fun things to remind you of how much you love him. Try laying in bed or on the couch and talking for a few hours, without distractions. Call up the babysitter and go out on a date. Do something romantic for a change, out of the blue! The more you get into a routine, the more dull every day seems to get. You can Google ideas if you're lost for words. Remind yourself of why you're dating your boyfriend in the first place. :)
Cheers!
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