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Can't decide over career or homemaker

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Question - (31 October 2016) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So my boyfriend, successful with his own business thinks being a career oriented woman with goals is good, (adulting) and I think being a stay at home dog mom is good, where is the happy middle? :/ we are so different in this respect but we love each other

Background, I hate my full time job and just graduated with a Bachelor's. But it just sounds nice to be taken care of

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (3 November 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou want to be taken care off but he wants a woman who is also focused and is equal. So it might be that things wont work out for you both as you want different things.

I would love to stay at home all day with my dogs, but I need to work as I like to pay my way. I would not want to sponge off someone for the rest off my life. You need to think about working to look after yourself and also to be able to treat your partner like he treats you. Switch it around what if you where to own your own business and your partner was at home all day not looking for work and living from your money, how would you feel?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (2 November 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Honeypie makes a very good point : you do not have much of a choice.

If your bf admires career oriented women, and is not crazy about stay-at-home dog mums, I doubt he would be willing to make you 100% his financial responsibility. And even if he accepts - I think sooner or later he would lose any respect for you.

Besides, I think the idea of being a stay at home doggy mom seduces you only because you are unhappy in your current job. Otherwise, I think that being a dog mum ( unless you actually BREED dogs ) is not enough to fill the time, occupy the thoughts and fulfill the aspirations of a young accomplished educated woman.

What about just loooking for a better full time position ? Or, pass to a part rime employement which leave you time for your dog(s ) ?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 November 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI forgot to add...

Making this choice isn't JUST yours, especially IF you expect your BF for foot the entire bill while you play doggy mom.

From what you write:

"So my boyfriend, successful with his own business thinks being a career oriented woman with goals is good"

He obviously is NOT looking to date a woman who wants to be "taken care off".

So really how realistic is this?

If you HATE your job, look for one that is a better fit.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia + , writes (1 November 2016):

Ivyblue agony auntI think it unwise to give up financial independence in relationships. Especially in your case as you don't yet have a family. Even then a part time job gives you so much more than money. There is nothing wrong with wanting to choose the path of homemaker, in my opinion when kids come along it is a job and an important one. But what do you do when they are off to school or independent them selves? Become a bored and lonesome housewife perhaps. I guess the thing you need to consider is whether or not this will be a lifestyle choice that your partner will happy to sustain given his opinion on the career orientated woman.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (1 November 2016):

If something were to happen to your spouse, hopefully there was some sort of plan in place.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (31 October 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntBeing a stay at home mum is a thing, but not being a stay at home dog mum. There needs to be more to your life than sponging off of someone else.

Be independent enough to have a part time job, at least. Having no job makes it harder to get one when you need it. Have ambitions outside of the home.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHe is JUSt your BF for now, so no I don't think you should consider staying at home.

And to be honest, would you REALLY want to rely on a man for everything?

Are you planning to have kids and not marry him?

And I DO think you can find a middle ground.

Let's say you two stay together for 2-4 years and then it breaks down. You haven't worked for that while and will find that it's EVEN harder to get a job. If you have kids, then what? life of him still and welfare?

I have been a housewife for 15 years and it's something that was practical at the time, but I hated it. I now work from home part time and I'm GLAD for that extra money. It helps the family AS A whole, but it also helps me. And I can tell you this... CLEANING and COOKING and LAUNDRY and SHOPPING for food, GARDENING it gets OLD when you have to do it DAY in and day out.

FIND a middle ground WHEN you have the kids. Where you work part time (if you two can afford that) but have a FULFILLING life... cleaning up after your family is NOT fulfilling. Trust me on that. It gets F'ing old!

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