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Can't deal with the thought that my wife cheated and had unprotected sex with someone else!

Tagged as: Cheating, Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 December 2005) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2008)
A male , *omebody writes:

My wife had an affair and I am struggling to get the graphic images out of my mind. We have worked through most of the problems in our relationship that lead to an affair and continue to communicate better than in the past.

The biggest part that I am unable to get over is that my wife had unprotected sex. She caught an STI that has been taken care of already (I didn't get it). She is "fixed" so she can't get pregnant. I am very disgusted that she didn't use protection. I think unprotected sex is something you have with someone you really love and trust. This makes me think the affair was more than she makes it out to be. She also had sex with both of us on the same day (me first) and all I can think is that she let both of us inside her raw. I love her and we have resolved most of our problems, but now I find myself disgusted by her and don't know what to do. I love her. Or, I hate her! Which one is the truth?

View related questions: affair, unprotected sex

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A male reader, shakenbake United States +, writes (29 June 2008):

I went through the same thing but living with a pain is costly to your health and your wellbeing.Life is too short and when you die where is the fun memories to look back on.Just either forgive like jesus said or move on and never dwell back.Its your life and u only get one.There is other shorties and boos around that is tired of the same old shit. Rock on,.......live life as smooth as the mid summers daydream.

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A female reader, sweet_angel +, writes (15 January 2006):

My husband did the same thing by sleeping around. I won't sleep with him cauz i don't know who i would be sleeping with. I haven't had sex with my husband i can't remember how long it is. I'm afraid to take that chance with him and catch something.So now i guess he feels he has been getting away with sleeping around he doesn't need me just make his phone call.I think of this evryday and wonder where did it all go wrong. I never thought my husband would ever cheat on me but i was wrong.I'm only married 3 years and it has been going on the whole time and i just found out what he was doing.He goes for married women just for sex cauz there is no strings attached. I just don't know what to do. I love him and I hate him at the same time.I know he can never be trusted ever again. So i would say that my marriage is over...

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A female reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):

Why did your wife turn to someone else? Unprotected sex is not the problem, why she did it, is. Find that out and you might find out whether you love her.

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A male reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (21 December 2005):

Mr.Ed agony auntInfidelity, is at it's finest the one thing that will seperate most relationships. It's a cruel way to punish the person who is wronged you or ignored you in some form or another. However what exactly is your responsibility now? You did say you want to work things out and you are a man. Men don't usually go back on their words if they don't mean them. So you said it and now your telling us you can't do it! I suggest that you seriously seek some guidance counseling immediately and not waste your time asking opinions. I would love to give you mine however; your not going to get that image out of your head until you build a relationship with the doctor who is willing to draw it out and replace it with another thought. Your wife is still your wife, your life is still your life and complications will still arise. Dwelling on the act itself will only complicate your matters even worse. You had the option of giving up and letting go; you chose not too. Now your hurting yourself and your marraige by not letting the one thought go. Sometimes I wonder if one should just come home pack their bags and leave a note saying I cheated and I'm sorry but I'm leaving. Then where would we all be? ALONE again? Being alone sucks just as bad, but dwelling on the actual act is horrible. Please find a really nice psychologist to assert your feelings to. Good luck. Ed

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005):

I think you still do love her but you hate "what she did". And it was wrong of her and you are deeply wounded. Get into some intensive marriage counselling with her. Married women who have affairs with other men seem to not understand that their marriage is much more than a sexual relationship...and they find this out too late and at a great cost. They have affairs for selfish reasons-to feel wanted and desired. Not all people are not necessarily happy in their committed relationships. But they realize the meaningfulness and the profound connections of marriage run deeper than love, and for many people, this is much more important. This may be where you and she have come to, right now. Get some help and find out how you both can rebuild your marriage and become best friends and lovers again. It will take work and huge efforts but it's a good start. Sorry this happened to you..be strong.

Hugs, Irish

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