A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:On saturday, i went to my boyfriends aunty's 50th. The hall was packed and i was ready for a good night.A few weeks ago, i found out my fella had gone to a strip club in london with mates and had a lap dance -thats fine.. its just he'd not told me until now. I was fine, little bit touchy about it but let it go and we didnt argue or anything. Last november we had quite a big argument about morals and what i cant and can stop him from doing (Lets just say he's one of those guys that will never be controlled and wants to be one of the lads) - anyway on saturday night i was chatting to his brothers girlfriend and she mentioned how they'd gone to this other strip club the other night.. i stood their acting like i knew all about it and i was fine about it. But my blood boiled and i turned round to him and said "You didnt tell me you went to angels!" His face was a complete picture like "Oh shit ive been caught" and he was like "when..when??!!" He admitted to it of course and said he "didnt think it was a big deal and he doesnt tell me everything because he doesnt have to!" i was so hurt that he hadnt told me and that he went again!! why do guys have to pay dirty woman to touch themselves infront of them in a club when they are "so in love" with their girlfriends at home? he didnt go alone, the guys have always been there with him but its always his idea (im guessing but pretty sure after the way he talks about it) and he didnt even tell me after.. he could have made a joke out of it and i would have said "Omg you dirty bugga".. and that would have been it. I know what those girls do there too and i feel sick to the back bones thinking about him sitting there and enjoying it. I know its the "frill" of being with another woman and its not actually cheating because you cant touch her.. but it hurts.. especially when he doesnt tell you and you find out elsewhere! Does anyone agree? Am i right to feel hurt.. can anyone please share their experiences with lap dances.. thankyou
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female
reader, katchat  +, writes (11 July 2008):
I would not put up with my boyfriend going to a strip club. why is it ok to oggle a naked woman if you are with your mates? it's not...i think it's being unfaithful!!! why is being in public making the act any less unfaithful????...how is that any better? if you touched someones tits in private, then it's wrong. if you had a girls fanny in your face in private, than it's being unfaithful...why should doing the same things in public and paying for it, be any better than doing those same things behind closed doors???? you know what, it makes it a whole lot worse...you are happy to show your disrespect towards your partner in public!!!!!!!i have been to strip clubs with my work and had a few dances behind closed doors...i felt dirty....it was horrible....i was with with a group of male clients and we were trying to win a big account...it makes me feel sick,but i am also glad that i now know what happens behind the closed doors in lap dancing clubs. they take their panties off and rub their bits in your face...my dancer even tried to kiss me and kept touching me....i felt dirty and violated afterwards. i should seriously been given a promotion after that night and maybe even suead my employers for sexual discrimination for making me go through that to win business. anyway...to conclude..i do not disagree with these places, but i have strong moral values that i part of what makes me me...i do not want my man getting sexual trills from other woman...i love him and for me that is love...no one else involved...me and matt forever...that;s a true relationship as it should be....anyone agree with me??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your answers, they have helped! Just cant get the thought of my man enjoying another naked womans body being around him, keep seeing his face in my head watching her! Its driving me mad!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Would it be acceptable for you to give his friends lapdances every time you see them?
I highly doubt it. So in which case why is it acceptable for him to receive one.
His reaction seems pretty immature, like a little boy proving he is a man who can do whatever he wants.
I can't understand why a man who is in a committed relationship is making this a REGULAR part of his social life.
I don't think it's a legitimate form of entertainment, it is PURELY sexual, and it's not appropriate for him to be actively seeking that out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): I wouldn't put up with my b/f going to a lap dancer. Thats just wrong. Up too you if you put up with it from him, personally I couldn't.
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A
female
reader, DiovanLestat +, writes (13 May 2008):
 How do you know what goes on there if you've never been. You don't like them, so don't go. But for him and the guys, and many other people it is a legitmate form of entertainment, kinda like dancing. Why don't you go with him next time, and see what he's doing, rather than frightening him into hiding and lying to you. If you can't bear it, then find somebody else with similar interests to you.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Hi girlMy guy doesnt go to clubs. He use to, before we met. Now he goes if there is a bachelore party, othervice he doesnt. He doest tell me about it and he tells me pretty much everything they did that night. Trust me, it still hurts, and I cant really tell you why they do it. My BF doesnt take lap dances, because he said, he doesnt want to have a girl on his lap, that 20min ago was sitting on some old yucky guy infront of them. They go, becuse its fun I guess. I have big problems with it, thats why he doesnt ever go "just for the thrill" but only if there is an occasion and he tells me about it, so I make my own plans. You should talk to him. Tell him it really bothers you that he doesnt tell you these things before they happen. Its already painful enough ... and than when you find out this way, its even worst.Good luck girl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): tell him how you feel. if he can't acsept that ditch him it's not cool ya know
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Why did he do it? Because he doesn't respect you or honour your relationship. By getting a lap dance, he cheated on you. He initiated interaction of an explicitly sexual manner with another woman, while in a relationship with you. If that's not cheating, I don't know what is. Just because money changed hands, doesn't mean it's not cheating.
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