A
female
age
36-40,
*eforu
writes:Ok,So I've been on here a few times before and it seems everyone falls in love with their best friend. I too am one of those people. I feel as if the whole world is against me on this and I don't feel as if I am the same person without her. She is on my mind 24/7 whether I'm at work, at a party or sleeping. We talk every day and since she quit coming to my house every day to chill we've spent more and more time on the phone. She has opened up to me more and tells me about her life. When she has a problem for the most part she comes to me. I can't handle being this close to someone mentally I love without actually physically loving them, and I don't mean sex either, holding my emotions back when she is in my face, close to me, or when she leans on me and our feet or hands are touching it is extremely extremely hard and it hurts! Or when she comes up to me and puts her arm around me to just chill it's hard to not just hold her like I want to. The thing is she's straight! I don't know how to talk to her, I did like yal said before and brought up someone else and the topic, I was telling her about what happend at this party cuz one of her friends asked if our friend was gay and all she said when I told her they asked was that sux. We got off the subject fairly quick but she wasn't weird about it. I am terrified if I tell her I am a lesbian or that I have intense feelings for her she'll totally disown me as a friend. But I am so in love with her it's driving me crazy, it's like we're having an emotional relationship. Anything she does or says or just being in the same area its hard to hold my feelings back. I just want to wrap my arms around her and hold her! Plus she is so confusing, for example, the other day her, this dude, and I were all in a bathroom at her house. She had gotten sick from drinking and we were just sitting in there because I had held her hair for her, well she tells everybody to get out of the bathroom and then as I'm leaving grabs my arm and goes no your staying, where do you think you are going! We just sat on the bathroom floor with each other and laughed for a while. Even though this happens all the time and it's so tempting to make a move I'm not the type of person who is gunna move on her when she's drunk because I want it to be her feelings not the alcohol that motivates her. At the end of the night I drove her home because she couldn't drive. She tells me "I don't want to go home" and I asked her where she wanted to go and she said well let's go to your house. On the way there she started talking bout crashing out and never said anything about where she'd sleep! (I live in a one bedroom apt) This happens all the time and every time we get close to my house she all of a sudden changes her mind and says well I think I'm just gunna go home!This is the first girl I can say I actually love and it hurts more than anything because she is my best friend and likes my male best friend. I am not jealous of him because I know she'd be happy with him but with any other guy it kills me to see her with them or to hear about it. I want to be open with her and come out so maybe I can try to move on and talk to other girls but anytime we go out with our other lesbian friends and they introduce me to people, all I can think about is her what she's doing, where she's at, or if she's safe. Can you give me some advice on how to sit her down and tell her I am a lesbian or what a good conversation would be to get her feelings about the subject? Please help I'm sorry it's long but I'm so confused and stuff keeps happening...
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 First, I'm straight but I can very much understand your pain. It's so difficult to love someone to bits and be unable to show it.
It seems your friend is straight. Telling her you're a lesbian might not be an issue, but telling her you love her could become one. So, you need to be very careful in finding out how she feels about this. Maybe you can tell her that someone asked you for advice on what to do, that you learned about a straight man who had trouble accepting a gay friend, and see what her reaction is. That can give you a clue as to what to expect from her.
If she's straight, well, you will have to give up on her. That will be very painful, and perhaps the friendship will suffer, but, there would be no alternative. It's as if she were lesbian but didn't love you, isn't it?
I'm glad you came to us for advice. I'm also glad to see you're a very good person.
Take much care.
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