A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So ive been with my g/f for 8 months and everything was incredible til about 2 wks ago, she got very depressed. Were both 25. We never actually planned on being in a relationship, it started as just a friend w/ benefit type of situation. When we met, she had just gotten out of a 3 yr relationship a few days before we met. Before that, she was in a 2 yr and another 3 yr relationship all back to back. Her previous relationships were emotionally and in one case physically abusive. So the friendship thing, unintentionally became more. Everything moved extremely fast, and by 4 months we decided to move in together. To make the situation worse, we both have children, one 5 and one 7, neither related. We had a wonderful relationship, communicated well with each other. It was like we were a family. We are both at time in our lives very busy, and have a lot to deal with. With school, work and the children, along with some financial issues on both sided, we are both under a lot of stress. We decided, since everything did move so fast, that it may be better to back up a little bit. I decided to move back to my parents house. We didnt really define any specifics with the back up, just decided to play it by ear. She is a wonderful girl, we dont have any type of trust issues, and we are very close. She repeatedly said that she loves me and that the reason for the back up had a lot to do with the fact that shes scared about how our relationship would turn out, since the previous 3 didnt work out. Since the split, we have spoken more then we had in the past few wks. I had to go to her job a few days ago, and decided to stay at her apptmnt for the night due to the fact that its about 50 miles from my parents. Everything seemed like it was originaly, she was very affectionate. It just seems like its too soon for our back up to actually have made a big difference, and now i dont know if im being optomistic for no reason. We still talk several times a day, but i normally wait for her to call me. Now i just dont know what to think about this anymore, im kind of interested in some other peoples opinions about this situation. Thank you all
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (22 October 2007):
 You are most welcome and I hope something I said helped you greatly. Again God bless you both.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for you opinions and feedback, its greatly appreciated
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (22 October 2007):
She sounds a bit scared and confused. It is quiet possible that she really loves you but is having a hard time letting go of the past. My advise would be to take your time in getting to deeply involved again all at once. Give her the space she needs to think and figure things out.
Don't deny her time with you because that is important on her behalf to see that you are still there for her as a friend and a possible mate. Lend her the emotional support and understanding she may have lacked in her previous relationships.
Divorce can be devastating for many people and it is hard sometimes to cope with. The rebound affect which it seems she may have become accustomed to can happen to people whom are very giving compassionate, and loving individuals.
They sometimes are so willing to love that they endure abuse either physically , mentally , or emotionally in order to feel loved. They usually blame themselves and it is most often not their fault. It is part of who they are and that is why someone like you often loves them.
Be patient and show her that you just might be the man God sent her this time. Blessings to you and your ladyfriend. Godspeed.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 It seems like you two guys have it worked out pretty well.\
By that I mean for what looks like quite a complicated situation ( money, time etc ) you both are on very good terms and the sparks are still there.
I would just wait and see what happens, you both seem to be coping with the temporary split , you are still communicating and still have affection for each other.
Sometimes people just like to have the person they love as a friend who can help them emotionally and this experience could well end up strengthening your relationship.
Just wait and see. And keep communicating!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 In this sort of situation, you just have to wait and see. Your prospects don't look bad. It's a good sign that she is doing the calling. I would suggest that you continue waiting for her calls, as she was the one who felt pressured and wanted to back up -you don't want her to feel you're being pushy.
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