| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible for a bloke to cheat on his wife/ fiance and still be in love with her? Can you still be in love with someone and cheat on them?
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): i was recently cheated on by my boyfriend of 2 years. he's in the military and i supported him and waited for him for months at a time while he was in training. i never once was unfaithful to him. i left my family for him and moved into his mom's house and i would drive to where he was stationed all the time to pick him up. (6hrs one week 12hrs the next) then i moved back to my parents house and we didnt see eachother for 3 months and on new years day he had a drunken one night stand with some ugly fat girl. then he got on a plane 4 days later and came to visit me for 10 days. 3 weeks later i got a phone call from a mutual friend telling me what happened. my whole world fell apart that day. its been 3 months since i found out and we've finally decided to take a break and just be friends. he is really sorry and he has worked really hard to show me that he's changed but i just cant get over what happened no matter what. i want to. he's deploying to iraq in september and comes back april next year. so we'll see how our feelings are for eachother when he comes back and we'll take it from there. i dont believe he loved me before. he wouldnt have cheated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): do you think there is a difference in cheating on your partner with a random person and cheating on them with an ex? Which is worse? And what is it happens frequently with their ex? Does that mean they still have an emotional connection or just want sex from them (but why not just go to someone new) and why stay with the current partner?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): hey ive been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years, i think i love her because when i think about not having her i go crazy....our first 6 monts were amazing no fights no arguements over anything as alot of relationships are like that at the beggining until u guys really get comfortable with eachother and actually let everything out to eachother, after 6 monts it was non-stop fights and break ups....im still not sure to this day if im in love with her or if its juust im so used to having her that i think i love her...when were happy together its amazing but when were not its seriously hell... like we both do and say stupid things...i just wanted to know from other peoples point of views if u guys think that its love or just me tricking myself into thinking im in love..i have so much to talk about but i dont think that other people really wana read everything so ill shutup lol im not the type of person that wud come and actually try and get advice from people....but ive gotten to the point where i am so fucking confused lol
...............................
A
female
reader, truelovemaybe  +, writes (12 March 2008):
I have been with my boyfriend on and off for the past 15 months. However, he's currently in a different city for school. Recently, we had been talking about trying the long distance thing again. We looked at flights to figure out when we could see one another etc. This weekend he informed me that he had slept with two girls, one night after the other. He swears it was a mistake, that he loves me and wants to be with me, and that he never would have done it if he was sober. I feel hurt and don't understand how he could have slept with them if he did indeed love me. I know that we weren't technically going out at the time, but in essence I still feel like I've been cheated on and I don't know if I should forgive him.
...............................
A
male
reader, dominick5000  +, writes (20 November 2007):
I have had the pleasure of reading everybodys opinions.
I think that when you are in a relationship the love comes and goes. I mean sometimes your upset at your partner for different reasons, it is only normal we are humans. I have been with my girlfriend for approximatly 1 year and six months. She has ended the relationship because she felt she no longer loved me. I mean I cheated on her about 5 diffrent times and every chance that I had to talk to other girls I will take advantage of it. I even slept with one of her friends and she does not know it. I never told her that chated on her and she never found out. I felt like calling her and letting her know but it is worhtless, I grather her not know anything. My point is you love people in your own way. Indeed, you never realize what you have until its gone.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): yes. i just did. i love my bf a lot and we've been together for 2 years plus. I know that he is the one for me and we wanna share our future tog and all, but the idea of being in a r/s with another person is just irresistible, esp when he's as hot as Sex & the city's "Mr Big"!! we had sex and did all sorts of crazy stuff tog, i did it cos i feel tt i'm still too young( I'm 20) to be tied down totally, life's short and we shd all learn to enjoy every moment. Who knows? we might get hit and killed in an accident the very next week. I wanna have fun, but i still want my bf. Just keep it discreet. Cos u know ultimaltely, u're gonna end up w him
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): I hope I can answer your question...there is no right answer it, only one;s perception.
My parents have been married for 30 years. I aksed my dad one day what has kept them together all of these years and his simple word was "Commitment". He said that there were and still are days that he doesn't particularily like my mom and that one thing he has learned is that in relationships, you fall in and out of love. He claims that love has nothing to do with it. Every morning he wakes up, regardless of the circumstances and has the will to stay committed to her.
F
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Im 19 and my girlfriend of 1 MONTH ALMOST cheated on me. I love her but Im unsure as to whether she loves me or not. I mean in my eyes, an attempt to cheat is almost as bad as actually doing the deed. I feel so disappointed because she would always talk about how TERRIBLE, STUPID and POINTLESS cheating is. I dont know what to do because she begged, while CRYING HER EYES OUT, for my forgiveness. She said she almost went through with it because she was so sure I was gonna cheat on her. I NEVER cheated on her and probably would at this point but I would hate myself so I don't plan on cheating
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Hi, I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. At the beginning I was nieve and desperate to get out of home and to feel loved. I knew from the start that he wasn't 'the one' but carried on as things were okay most of the time. Now 7 years later I am really unhappy and feeling incredibally trapped, we have commitments and responsibilities that I can't just walk away from however much I want to. Plus when we have had arguments in the past that almost lead to us breaking up he pulls the "Im 35 and will have nothing, will be on my own" card, so I feel guilty put a white wash over everything and carry on, till the next time. About a year ago though I was out on a girly night and met this guy and we kissed and it was like a whole crate of fireworks went off inside me, we texted each other then my boyfriend found out and understandably hit the roof, this is a long story but to make it bearable to read I will condense... things were said and done by all parties not nice things either and the other guy disappeared but every few months he reappears texting me etc and every time my heart goes into a flutter. I really do not know what to do. If I could I would love to pack my stuff and disappear off into the sunset on my own...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): I have cheated with the same man for the past year but only on a few occasions when there has been an opportunity. The reason we have cheated is because we are both in other relationships where there is no pysical intimacy anymore. He says he cares deeply for his partner and wants to be with her but I think I knew my relationship was over before I got involved with this other guy. The problem now is I have fallen for him in a big way but don't know if he feels the same. He acts as though he really cares for me but still wants to be with her so perhaps you can cheat & still love the other person. Any thoughts on my situation?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): yes.. i loved my boyfriend but i had one weak moment and talked to him right away.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): If a guy cheats on a woman he cannot be in love with her. His mode of thought goes something like this...She annoys me, i'm not physically attracted to her, so i'm gonna find something better.Stone cold I know but its the same for Men and Women.(although some women will tell you they just want to "be friends" or there confused rite now, which of course is an equal pile of bull****. Women are controlled by their emotions and become manipulative and dishonest when it comes to cheating)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): hi im 23 and have been with my fiance for 2 years in the begining of out realtionship he cheated on me 2 times.and just last week i found out he met some girl in san francisco when he was away on business.he swears up and down that they just spoke 3 times and it was nothing like to hook up or anything but i dont trust him.i also just found out i was pregnant yesterday.i know its not a sex issue what we have because we have sex like 2-3 times a day.and we dont argue hardly ever.so i just dont understand.whats going on .when i found out about this woman i left my house and stayed at a friends house for a week to think things over.he called everyday crying and beging for me to come home that it was nothing serious and that he has not spoken to her while being here back in town which has been almost 2 months.but i just dont belive him.because why would he give this chick his telephone # and speak to her 3 times on the phone. there has to be some type of intrest there right?so please maybe i just wanna hear something diffrent than what my gut feeling is telling me...help
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Just recently my boyfreind cheated on me, And this is the seconde time that I know of, I don't understand why, I am pregnant with his child, and I love him more than anyone, And I know he loves me but he has many insecurities and addictions that he cant get rid of. And Alot of anger, I think if you don't like yourself then that can play a big part in the reason a person cheats. and especially if there is no respect for eachother in the relationship... Some people are just extrememly selfish and they dont see what they are doing wrong, some people will never change, no matter how much you love someone if theyre cheating, or making you unhappy its best to move on and go through the tears and pain... and just hope for the best. Especially if they do it more than once, if they dont learn from the first time then theres a good chance they never will. I keep giving my boyfreind chances, and nothing EVER changes, He cries for me back, he says what ever he can do get what he wants and once he gets it, everything is back to the same way it was before.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Being in love with someone is something people can't explain in a few words. I love the person I'm with so much, but they slept with someone else at a time we were seperated. I feel like they should have waited to work things out with me, considering we always fight, but they slept with someone else anyways. We got back together, and I love them more than anything. I will continue to love them, but there's still the feeling of betrayal that you will never get over, and the feeling that sex is something they'll get whenever they want. i love the person i'm with and would never be with anyone else while we were together!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): I agree with the woman that says her husband doesn't have sex with her and she cheats. I am in the same situation and I have cheated, but it's been about 2 years since I did the last time. I know that you can love someone, respect them and still cheat. I wouldn't leave my husband because of this, but I have needs that are not being met and he is aware that they are not, but has chosen not to do anything about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): I think that it is possible to be in love, deeply, and make a mistake. I also think that once a mistake like that has been made, if you're really, truly in love--which I was--then you learn and never do it again. He never found out, and I felt like a fool afterwards. I loved him more than I ever loved anyone.
On the other hand, I also feel like it is a way of sabotaging the relationship. I did it because I was insecure and felt like I was TOO in love, "he's going to hurt me so I need to put some walls up and close those emotions somehow." He never hurt me but I was trying to push him away.
I've been in other relationships and cheated: out of blatant disrespect for someone, because I was in love with the man I cheated with, and because I wanted an out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): My ex broke up with me, and slept with a girl we both knew...the day he broke up with me . We dated for 2+ years... he says he did it because he needed to get it out of his system.. but I don't understand.. why do it in the first place.. I'm a model.. she was a fat no body... someone who pretended to be my friend and then they both betrayed me.. I don't know if this counts as love.. must not be love there if you can do that...
...............................
A
male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (5 May 2006):
 I believe you can cheat and still love. I did and do. In my relationship I didn't feel like I was good enough. Though I should have spoken and up and talked to my partner I didn't. I confessed and she left. We talk and I love her dearly but yes I did cheat and yes I do love her. I do have respect for her and I will continue to love her, my problems were neither respect or love just insecurity. So all you psychotherapists need more insight. Its not always cut and dried. Its your situation your feelings. I haven't slept with another woman since and don't desire to but I have healing to do. I wish you the best of luck and always follow your heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2006): As someone who was cheated on i would have to say NO. In my opinion love and respect go hand in hand. Most people that have happy long term relationships do so because they respect each other. How can you live a lie with someone and allow them to live that lie when you supposedly love them? It’s not fair to take away someone’s choice.
As for the wowan who cheats on her husband as then goes on to say she loves him more than anything, she obviously doesn't love him more that she loves herself. If her husband was to find out I’m sure he would be absolutely devastated. There is nothing quite like the feeling of betrayal, believe me it hurts a lot more than honesty.
Do I think my partner loved me and he’s new born daughter? No, not more than he loved he’s ego.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 Every person is different as to what they want out of a relationship. There are those that are happy with open relationships and then there are those who wish to have their lover all to themselves.
Each is entilted to this and cannot be critised for their desires. If you lay your boundaries on the table at the beginning of a relationship and are honest all the way through then I guess what you do is fine!
If you cheat and you tell your partner it is then their choice to stay with you or not. If you have been honest then you've done all you can. In the last posting where the women wrote she routinely cheats, then if her husband is happy about it then fair do's, who's place is it to criticise!?
However I must my foot down on the lying bit. If you cheat on your partner and you do not have an open relationship (lets face it its not cheating if you have agreed on open relationship), and you don't give them the priveledge of making up their own mind whether to stay with you or not (admit it to them) Or you lie to them and deny it, then you ARE in the wrong and DECEITFUL and UNTRUSTWORTY, and also selfish, whether you like it or not, thats the harsh reality of life!!
If you love someone then you give them the respect they deserve, whether it be staying loyal, or just being honest...........
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): Actually it's crap to say you want out of a relationship and that is why you cheat.I have been with my hubby for eight years and we dont have sex at his instigation...ever. I dont want to split up with him as I love him MORE THAN ANYTHING. But I routinely cheat on him to get sex.And before all the preacher's out there start to tell me I am this that or the other....walk a mile in MY shoes before you judge.So yes you can love somebody deeply and still cheat on them. Everybody has a personality and psychology that is uniquely theirs.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): I am having problems with this topic too! i have recently cheated on my boyfriend and he and i have been together for almost a year...i mean how do you tell someone that you cheated on them when you are like completely and utterly in love with them...but then my other problem is that the guy i cheated on my boyfriend with...i love him too..so if anyone could reply to this is would help! Thankx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2005): I find that alot of women seem to have cheated on their partners, even if they loved them more than anything. Sometimes the reason is because a woman may want to see if she is still attractive to other men and can still "pull" if she wanted to. Sometimes it happens when there may be problems in the relationship and the woman will cheat as a way of hurting there partner, or just to prove that she can get somebody else if she wanted to. So, I believe we can cheat on those we really love but only to try and make ourselves feel better. I dont believe that you can fancy someone else when you are in love, or being in love with two people at the same time. If this is the case when your partner cheats on you, then they obviously dont love you.
...............................
A
female
reader, not again +, writes (30 November 2005):
if you really loved someone you wouldn't cheat on them. cheating is a way of sabotaging/ getting out of a relationship- even if this isnt evident at the time or may not seem like it.would you cheat on someone you loved? i know i wouldnt. best wishes. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (30 November 2005):
 I cheated on my ex 3 times! I dont think I think I agree with the below post, but Id never really thought about it. I guess I didnt respect him at all. He gave me no reason to. I know Im a bitch for cheating on him but I was looking for something that he wasnt giving me. I didnt think that at the time so I stayed with him for 4 years- was going to marry him, have his children. Thank god I realised that the cheating meant that I didnt really want to be with him. He knew about the cheating, but stayed with me. Again a reason to lose respect for someone. Yes it does depend on the circumstances- and its hard to see where you are coming from with such little information, but I would say if one party is cheating- there is something really wrong. Best wishes x
...............................
A
male
reader, DreamMaster  + ♥, writes (29 November 2005):
 I would say probably yes, it is possible to tell someone you love them, and yet have no respect for them.I would usually advise ending any relationship where there has been cheating. If its a first misdemeanour, it is usually the first of many, particularly if they get away with it. Not always, but usually.I think it has as much to do with respect as love though. If one partner does not respect the other, then the love will soon fade, even if it hasnt yet.
...............................
|
